Right, this is what I want. Its not too much to ask is it?

[RudeElf]

Man
Straight
30ish plus
Appreciative of sarcasm
Willing to be a step parent to my DC (BIG ask, i know)
No sexist/racist/homophobe/disablist tendencies
Happy enough with the odd meal/ movie out.
Not averse to marriage.
Must cook.

Thats not a lot is it? There must be someone local to me that fits that description. And if so could he please come and knock my front door because i dont get out much anymore.

[HeddaGarbled]

All entirely reasonable until you got to the bit about him knocking on your door because you don't get out much. If you don't go out, you won't meet anyone, let alone your boyfriend spec.

[RudeElf]

I know the issue is that i cant get out. Apart from work i cant.

[TippyTappyLappyToppy]

Why not?

[TippyTappyLappyToppy]

And you might be a bit U in your demands that he must cook on top of everything else.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Expecting Michelin-star quality might not be reasonable, Tippy, but expecting a person in his 30s to know how to cook is not too much to ask.

[TippyTappyLappyToppy]

Well I read it as 'must be prepared to do the cooking so I don't have to/can't'

[curren]

Sounds reasonable.

Willing to be a step parent to my DC (BIG ask, i know)

this is a bit vague. What one person feels is being a step parent maybe be different to someone else idea. But you can figure out what suits when you find him.

Also it's not just about your list, it's about finding someone who fits your list, who has a list (doesn't have to be an actual list) that you fit.

Unfortunately the only people who knock on my door are the window cleaner and the Ringtons man. You may need to go look for him

[RudeElf]

yes ability to cook is a request stemming from the fact my mum cooks every damn meal for my dad and he can only do bacon i'm not interested in doing that for anyone. Shared cooking of lovely meals please.

Yes i dont get out much at all. My DCs dad doesnt see them anymore so i dont have regular 'nights off' and there is very little spare money to pay babysitters and join clubs to meet people. I do smile nicely at the postman though.

I am going to have to get out of the house somehow. Was discussing it with a colleague yesterday (probably why it was on my mind last night) and i think i depressed her a bit by the end of the conversation because of how there is so little opportunity for me to get out. Even my work is a very quiet place!

[lovefairylights]

Do you have any single mum friends in a similar position? Then could you each do a night of babysitting each week for each other so you can both have a night off to take up a hobby/class/interest/be social? Otherwise what's the point of worrying about a man if you don't even have one night a week to get to know him and have time as a couple to learn about each other.

[MadeMan]

Man - Yep.
Straight - Yep.
30ish plus - Nope, early 40's.
Appreciative of sarcasm - Lowest form of wit; apparently.
Willing to be a step parent to my DC (BIG ask, i know) - Yeah it is a bit cheeky.
No sexist/racist/homophobe/disablist tendencies - Nope, none of those.
Happy enough with the odd meal/ movie out. - Yeah pretty much.
Not averse to marriage. - Um...
Must cook - Sometimes I'll grill a few tomatoes on toast.

[RudeElf]

I have one single mum friend but she doesnt do babysitting. Her schedule of contact means she generally has 3 or 4 nights a week to go out. Plus she's not into children really.

Otherwise whats the point of worrying about a man if you dont even have one night a week to get to know him

I know. There is no point. I was just having a moan really. I know its not really going to happen.

Yeah it is a bit cheeky

No it isnt.

[haveacupoftea]

What does he get in return?

[RudeElf]

All I listed apart from me being a woman instead of a man.

[hejsvejs]

Not unreasonable requests at all....but I can imagine it must be difficult to meet someone if you can't get out.

[RudeElf]

Yes thats the crux of the matter. I need to get out.

[sianihedgehog]

Got friends who might be willing to babysit? If you've got any childless ones who like or want kids they might actually like getting to spend time with your kids, I know that I did. Might be easier for daytime stuff, but there are always classes and stuff on weekends.

[RudeElf]

Not really. I did when DS1 was small but as happens they all moved away/had their own DC/drifted apart etc. Most of my friends that do have children have small ones and theyre the ones needing a break!

[dulcefarniente]

lovefairylights IME the problem of trying to babysit for another single parent is that you either have to have all their dcs for a sleepover which isn't always practical especially as most clubs seem to operate during the week. Or one of you is having to take your sleepy dc(s) home with you which again isn't great. It is much simpler to get a friend with a partner to sit but of course you can't easily reciprocate. So you really need it to be the odd one off rather than a regular thing

Adding the cost of a babysitter onto a night out when you have limited funds to start off with makes a regular commitment very difficult, especially as you tend to prioritise the dcs above yourself.

[Vixxfacee]

You should ask your friends. I am child free and would like to babysit for friends who are single parents (for free of course ) so they could get out. But I don't really have friends with children.

[RoomForASmallOne]

Can you find me one too OP
I don't need him to feed or marry me. I parent fine alone.
So I'll swap those three for him having a robust emotional intelligence and being 40+.
Please

[RudeElf]

I'll keep my eye out for you too room. Is your availiability as good as mine?

[grobagsforever]

Ok OP. Your list is fine - well depending on what you mean by step parent. You need to problem solve on the babysitting front.

I am entirely lone parenting also - DH died and I have two small daughters.

Ideas/things I do :

1. I budget to pay for a sitter - I'm lucky I can do this but if your funds are limited try putting aaide a few quid a week to at least save up for the odd night out
   
2. Ask your friends if they'd like you to have their kids for a weekend afternoon in exchange for babysitting yours in the evening
   
3. Ask your friends if they'd like to do sleepover swaps
   
4. If you've got a spare room consider letting it out for extra cash or babysitting if you can a find a nice childcare student or similar
   
5. If you haven't got a wide social circle to help with all this then get one. Everyone you meet is a potential friend. Ask them for coffee.
   
6. Join local single parents to help meet single parent friends to do childcare exchanges with
   
7. Build up your own social life to increase probability of meeting man. Dinner party round yours so no sitter needed. Invite ppl and tel them to bring a friend
   
8. Grand parent sleepovers?
   
   Life is short OP - just get on with it. A close friend of mine dropped dead at 42 this week. Oh and lose the cooking requirement - DH didn't cook. But he was wonderful and did the washing up.
   
   Good luck.

[RoomForASmallOne]

My DC are teenage Rude so can be left to their own devices, so I can (in theory) go out.
Was very hard when they were smaller though, so I understand.
grobags has some good ideas.

[hejsvejs]

How about lunchtime dates when your DC's are at school/nursery?