Long story so please bear with me. A little while after I divorced 15 years ago I became friends with a man and we started a friends with benefit relationship which was what we both wanted at the time. Over the course of the next few years my feelings deepened and his didn't. Tbf to him, he was always honest about not wanting more.
Over the last 15 years, I tried on numerous occasions to go NC but we always got back together. Two years ago, I finally found the strength to stop the benefit but we have remained friends and although we do not see each other much now, we do speak/text every other day and I do consider him to be one of my two best friends. This may be relevant as they are the only two friends I have.
For the last couple of weeks he has been distant so I have badgered him to find out what is up. It transpires that he has been seeing a lady who he feels he could have a proper relationship with (He would agree that he has been a player and had numerous 'lady friends' over the years) but this one is different. He has been honest with her about me and she is upset with him as he refuses to drop me as a friend. I don't think it helps that the community they are in is a small one so she may have heard rumours of his players reputation which could cause her not to trust him too.
I have just spoken to him and he is really down as he doesn't want to lose her but doesn't like her dictating to him who to be friends with either. I offered to meet her to put her mind at rest but he says that he offered that idea to her but she is refusing to meet me.
If I am being totally honest, I do still have feelings for him and the meeting would be difficult for me but I do understand that there will never be a proper relationship between us. I am really shy, am lacking in confidence and find it difficult to make friends. I have tried to move on from him in the last two years and have had one short term romance but didn't pursue it as I was always comparing him in my mind to my friend.
So, do I make the decision and tell him that I will go NC with him to make his life easier or should I be selfish and want to keep him in my life? A part of me thinks the NC would be beneficial for me long term as I will probably never move on with my life with him around but if I go NC I will be heartbroken. I'm so confused, please advise.
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Relationships
Do I put my needs first or my friends?
Malefriendproblem · 19/02/2016 10:01
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