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PIL have been invited on holiday. Should I LTB?

(45 Posts)
chicaguapa Sat 16-Jan-16 18:54:07

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to DH that after having had a cold since last September, I really needed a holiday - a week of doing nothing somewhere sunny. After some research I chose a place and we discussed going for a week at February half term.

I said that DH should warn MIL as she usually comes to visit during February half term. She insists on only coming in the holidays, even though she can come any time, but we can only go away in the holidays so I don't consider this time sacrosanct.

We then decided to go away at Easter instead as the flights are cheaper, it'll be a little bit warmer etc and had been talking about booking it all either today or tomorrow. We are dithering as we're not supposed to be having a holiday this year as we're getting an extension built in the autumn and are saving up for it.

Tonight MIL phones saying that she's looked into the flight options from her part of the country and would love to come away with us at February half term! shock Now DH is trying to claim that he told me that he'd asked PIL if they wanted to come and that it'll be ok as they won't be staying in the same place as us.

I should LTB, shouldn't I? I think he's gone mad.

SirBoobAlot Sat 16-Jan-16 18:55:49

Definitely LTB.

And tell MIL to fuck sod off!!

Namechangenell Sat 16-Jan-16 18:56:57

No way would this happen in my world!

sije Sat 16-Jan-16 18:57:27


offside Sat 16-Jan-16 18:57:56

I'm not sure it's a LTB moment, unless there's more to it, but I would be very pissed off and telling my DH that I wouldn't be going with them and I would be having me break at Easter time instead.

offside Sat 16-Jan-16 18:58:25


MoreGilmoreGirls Sat 16-Jan-16 18:58:59

Yes LTB.

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 16-Jan-16 18:59:19

Id say "why darling that sounds like a fabulous idea. You and your folks (and the kids if you have any) have a marvellous holiday together. I shall, of course, male.myself scarce for a week away of solitude in the Seychelles "

Rpj16 Sat 16-Jan-16 19:02:33

This is the plot of the new season of Benidorm!! Terrible FIL invited himself along...

chicaguapa Sat 16-Jan-16 21:07:13

It was quite lighthearted when I started the thread, but DH genuinely doesn't see what he's done wrong, so I'm getting a bit more annoyed about it. All I want is contrition. hmm

We are not talking about it anymore. He's going to be the driver on the car hire and if it's a nightmare he owes me another holiday, extension or no extension. grin

MatildaTheCat Sat 16-Jan-16 22:13:26

I foresee that your dh will need to be taking the DC and PIL out on some long excursions whilst you lie quietly by the pool with a minor ailment which needs plenty of rest. During the evenings they can babysit whilst you have a light supper al fresco with dh and a small bucket of wine. smile

calzone Sat 16-Jan-16 22:20:42

I could never go along with this if DH had done it to me......

Pico2 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:23:36

Send them all off somewhere sunny and book your flights to somewhere in the opposite direction.

2rebecca Sat 16-Jan-16 23:05:56

You haven't booked it yet so why not just say that no you'd like a quieter holiday without relatives and you'll see them another time? If my DIL in future didn't want me on a holiday I'd rather be told. I'd be annoyed with my son for not clearing it with her first.

Joysmum Sun 17-Jan-16 07:57:01

Did you say you didn't want her to come? Reason I ask is that if she's always come during the holidays then how was he to know you didn't want her this time and that it wasn't just a change of location you wanted?

Anniegetyourgun Sun 17-Jan-16 08:02:41

Don't waste time LTB. Just murder the idiot and bury him under the patio, along with his mother. Not a jury in the land would convict you.

MrsH1989 Sun 17-Jan-16 08:46:07

I have been coerced into holidays with MIL and it was uncomfortable! The thing is she paid for everything including the baby's passport so I didn't feel able to say no. If she had taken FIL or a friend it may not have been so bad. Next time I would stand up and say no!

chicaguapa Sun 17-Jan-16 08:50:52

Yes, I said I didn't want them to come. DH suggested it as an idea and I shot it down immediately. He obviously decided not to tell me he'd already mentioned it to MIL and hoped by not saying anything the whole time we'd been discussing it the problem would just go away. Then MIL phoned to accept. grin

We've never been on holiday with them before. DH and DC stay with them around 3 times a year and I go just once a year for a week as I don't have as much annual leave. They come to us twice a year for around 4 nights. This is enough to know we don't want to holiday with them.

Tbh MIL is fine, but I can't cope with FIL for the time I have to so wouldn't want him on my holiday. DH feels the same way (step father) so I'm puzzled why he's invited them along. We did invite MIL to join us in Paris a few years ago as FIL doesn't like Paris and he wouldn't fly at that point so we thought she'd come alone. But she declined anyway. This time there's no way FIL wouldn't come as he used to holiday there as a child and loves it.

I've tried quizzing DH where his mind was at but now he's feigning confusion. hmm

PIL may not come now we've changed to Easter. Maybe she wanted some February sun and will still go then. <clutches at straws>

Otherwise I'll be clear what our holiday is about and it's up to them if they want to go at the same time and meet up occasionally. We're going to stay in Mijas about 40 mins from Malaga and they're going to stay in Malaga itself. We'll have a car and are planning to drive to places like Ronda & Gibraltar for day trips. We won't be able to fit them in and we won't be driving to Malaga every day.

It'll all be fine. grin Though killing DH and burying him under the patio will be one less airfare.

littleleftie Sun 17-Jan-16 09:32:06

So you actually discussed inviting PILS in advance and you said you didn't want them to come, and then DH invited them anyway? Have I got that right?

I actually would be furious.

You haven't booked it yet though have you? So just don't book anything now, let it all blow over until DH has come to his senses and sort out Easter holiday in a week or so.


chicaguapa Sun 17-Jan-16 09:45:45

DH phoned MIL to tell her we might be away at half term in case they were thinking of coming down (sometimes we just go away for a long weekend and they come down for part of the week).

He came back from the phone call saying 'I thought it would be nice if PIL came to Malaga with us'. I said 'No, that's not what I was wanting from this holiday.' A short discussion ensued whereby I disavowed him of any idea that he should invite PIL to come with us.

It transpires that it was too late and he had already suggested it in that call. I think he decided not to tell me that or mention it again as he thought his PIL wouldn't go for it anyway. Even though he says he did tell me.

I make lots of decisions without consulting him so I don't have a problem with it per se. Just bemused why he'd think it was a good idea as we'd discussed inviting them in the past and had always decided not to as PIL is a PITA.

It sounds like DH thought if PIL were wanting to come down in February and wouldn't see the DGC they could come to see them in Malaga instead. I'm hoping that as they can come down in February after all, they won't want to come to Malaga at Easter. Especially as DH was planning on spending the 2nd week of the Easter holidays at theirs anyway.

DramaQueen38 Sun 17-Jan-16 09:52:16

But they are staying 40 mins away from you? Did I get that right? That's hardly on top of you. I assumed you meant all together on the same holiday with shared accommodation. It'll be easy to avoid them. (Shame your mobile phone reception is so patchy in Malaga... )

thisproofseverything Sun 17-Jan-16 10:14:19

My Sis and her DH have had her MiL for company on all but 2 holidays (in 7 years - they go away 2 or 3 times a year). They got married in the Caribbean and her MiL was with them every day. Every holiday since (long haul, nice romantic places), she's gone with them. They don't have children so no babysitting duties. She even goes when they go with their friends and lives a few doors away from them. Seriously don't know how they cope. There have been a coupleof times where it was planned as a holiday alone, but she just books her flight and accommodation in the same hotel. I wouldn't LTB for this kind of behaviour but I'd be having a serious word.

4seasons Sun 17-Jan-16 10:54:24

Ten years ago my DH invited his parents on our 5 week " holiday of a lifetime " touring New Zealand and Australia. No discussion, no seeking agreement. I hated almost every minute of it and felt very resentful of all the money we had spent on what was a miserable time. We had an anniversary whilst in Sydney and even then ended up at a restaurant with them as it was somewhere they wanted to visit ( I didn't ). It was the closest we have ever been to divorce..... ( although at the time U put a smile on my face for the PIL as it wasn't their fault ). Even after that my DH insisted we take a weeks holiday with his father each summer for 3 years on the trot after MIL died. FIL was also doing 2/3 cruises a year on his own and holidaying with his daughter to Egypt etc.
Sorry to hijack your thread but this is just to say .... put your foot down about this holiday. You will otherwise find yourself coerced in the future and made out to be the " bad guy " and unreasonable. Even after all this time I still can feel very resentful about what happened. I know , I know .... I am a horrible person. ( Not really , as I took care of both PILs in their final weeks of life and liked them both ).

IrishDad79 Sun 17-Jan-16 13:39:45

Calling your husband a bastard behind his back, and allowing complete strangers to call him a bastard also, for the crime of inviting his parents on a holiday, is very disrespectful on your part.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast Sun 17-Jan-16 13:49:35

where as
inviting other people on your holiday without consultation...
soooo respectful - balanced view there Irishdad79 ?

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