DH and I separated just over eight months ago. The decision was unilateral from me after years of feeling deeply unhappy and having to support the family financially, emotionally, practically and in every other respect over a period of about six years. I had previously raised my unhappiness many times, but was ignored, ridiculed or belittled. It was a classic case of me reaching the point of no return and one day just cracking and saying "enough". Since then, things have been pretty hard, as DH is still not accepting the situation and continues to recriminate that we should have done more to address the problems in our relationship. Our DD, who is five, took it very badly initially, however is now starting to settle into a new routine. She sees her dad three days a week, including one overnight stay. We are trying to be civil to each other, at least in front of our daughter, and most of the time manage to do so. Since we've separated, if I'm completely honest, I haven't missed him. I feel lonely at times, yes, and being a lone parent is no picnic, but I felt like I was a single parent when we were together anyway, as I used to get no support from him. If anything, I find that things are easier and more straightforward now that I don't have to carry him as well. And yet, when he, like today, points out that we would all be better off together, and that I am basically ruining our daughter's life and mine in the process, there is a part of em that believes that and I doubt myself. There is a part of me that looks back at the good times and wishes that we could go back to that. I just don't know what to do. Our issues are big, but not unsurmountable. I can see he is making a big effort to address some of those issues: he is now earning good money; he is being more attentive and reliable; he is attending counseling. But try as I may, I still don't trust him. After all, he had everything to lose in this separation and everything to gain if we get back together, so of course he would erasures for that to happen. I am also very wary of giving it another go and things falling apart again; I've seen it happen and it would be devastating to our daughter, who is only starting to adapt to the new situation. Has anyone else been in this predicament? Do people really change?
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