Hi
I'm new to this so apologies if i'm off-etiquette in any way or if a similar thread already exists. I was really just hoping for views on what is acceptible in this situ... Would really appreciate any views or advice!!
To cut a long story... We got married a few years ago, unfortunately FIL passed away a couple of years ago leaving MIL widowed and living abroad (but close by - France) so a couple of hours flight away. She has a lot of friends surrounding her and a good life there from what i can gather BUT... She has decided to move back to the UK. Its taking a while to sell her apartment and she refuses to drop the price although she can afford it, in the meantime she has taken to booking one way flights to visit us. The longest visit to date being 10 weeks... And total visiting time for last year... 17 weeks. She uses excuses about staying for so long like cost of flights but tbh i think she just likes staying with us and being waited on hand and foot. She doesnt do anything around the house and refuses to drive (does so at home but doesnt seem to see the point when visiting us) so we are cheauffer and servant the entire time. We now have a six month old baby and this gives even more of an excuse. I'm worried that the whole situ is a play to live with us eventually as she doesnt seem to have any real plan for what she's going to do in the long run. She is relatively young and in good health so i find the lack of direction really odd for someone who is so together.
Poor Dh just seems completely at a loss... Clearly its a sensitive subject to address, but i know he wants the same as me and her imposing drives him mad too. He aboids her around the house and leaves me to talk to her all the time - and she is pretty exhausting to say the least!!! She is quite old fashioned and think she just expects this as our obligation... But i really dont see it that way. I think a week or 2 at a time is absolutely more than enough - equating to approx a month per year - thats a lot of time to have someone live in your house right?
The last thing i want to do is be mean or upset her, i just want my home and life back...
Has anyone had a similar experience?? Should i say something or is it purely down to him?
Apologies for the essay
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Widdowed Mother in Law... Help
Newmum3200 · 30/12/2015 14:29
Newmum Oh dear my heart goes out to you cos this is certainly more than I could bear! You're quite right, a few weeks/yr is more than adequate. Anything more and she should be looking to stay in an actual hotel!
But your husband needs to definately initiate the conversation with her, as it's his mother, but failing that I would broach the subject and he can back me up, if I were in your shoes.
One things for certain, I wouldn't let things go on as they are. That's how resentment builds. Best of luck 
JT05 That hardly gives her carte blanche to just put her feet up and expect to be waited on, never lifting a finger to do anything and refusing to drive! She's not in a bloody 5 star all-inclusive. How sodding dare someone blatently take the piss like that?! I'd be livid and would tolerate no further visits. But someone ( obv the son ideally ) needs to tell her wot's wot rather than give her the impression they're both a pair of doormats for her to reign over
The woman needs a reality check and a bit of straight talking. Sounds like she has zero consideration to me and is behaving incredibly selfishly.
Agree with DrGoogle. You're both just going to have to tell her in black and white terms, so there can be no misunderstandings or grey areas. She can't be using your home as a base or like a B&B where everyone runs round after her! I would just be so offended that this is how she views the situation.
So put the flipping "Dew Drop Inn" to rest and get her told. I'd be interested how she takes it and if she changes her tune.....
I agree with others. A conversation needs to take place, between your DH and MIL. I would also suggest that the waiting on her hand and foot, and the driving around, stops. I remember a similar thread, some time ago, where one set of parents, had laid claim to the basement of their son and daughter-in-law's house, without as much as by your leave. They had sold their own house, if I remember correctly, and were arriving for long visits, as and when it suited them.
I'm not sure what the end result was, but I do know that the OP had to take matters in hand, because her husband was not making it clear to his parents, that it just wasn't acceptable.
Best of luck, I do hope that things can be sorted, reasonably amicably, all around, and that you get your home back. FWIW, you have far more patience than I would have, with someone staying on open ended visits.
Why haven't you replied to posters' comments about not waiting on her hand and foot, not driving her around etc? It sounds a bit passive aggressive to resent doing so many extras for her but continuing to do them 
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Hi
Sorry i'm replying by mobile so am losing track of names to respond to 
She stays in my step-daughter's room when she comes, SD is generally happy to give the room up as she only uses it a few nights a month - but it is wearing thin even with her as MIL leaves all her belongings in the room as if its hers. Its almost territorial.
The early departure was the result of a conversation with DH who pushed for details of what she had planned and for when etc, he already had details for flights lined up and got it booked straight after the conversation had happened. Really happy with him as he has clearly taken our discussions om board and acted on them finally 
i think she was left with no choice (this time), it is a major breakthrough for me, i'm chuffed to say the least.
Re waiting on her. I wasnt ignoring these comments. It has reached a point over time where i do the minimum for her but there are things that are tricky to get around, such as cooking her meals every day - i was doing this when heavily pregnant and working 40 hours a week without so much as an offer to peel potatoes! Tidying up after her etc. because i would be doing it for the family anyway. I know its wrong but i resent doing it for her when she stays for such a long time it makes me feel like her slave! i think in her mind she is helpful as if she is making herself a drink she might wipe a surface down - then tell me about it 5 times as though i should be really grateful and thank her repeatedly for doing it... So its almost easier not to ask for help as she goes on about the smallest task over and over again and i end up even more irritated!
Re driving her around, most of the time she is happy to sit on the sofa ALL day and watch tv. The problem is less about running her around, and more the fact she wont leave the house... So unless we take her out or she visits other family she is always present.. I have suggested she lease a car but she says she doesnt know her way around - suggested sat nav, even going out with her until she is familiar.. She just refuses saying she would rather wait "until next time" but it never happens.
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