Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should he know its his baby

(40 Posts)
Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 11:48:03

I have a male friend who was in a relationship with someone. She cheated on him and he broke the relationship up. She came back and said she is pregnant however the figures didn't add up for it to be my friends child. However the other guy doesn't know this and she is now going to terminate the other guys baby 13 weeks into pregnancy. He believes she is terminating my friends child and is planning a life with her. Does he have a right to know the truth?

AuntieStella Sat 28-Nov-15 11:57:44

Yes, I think things are always on a sounder footing when based on the truth.

But as you have only hearsay for when she slept with whom, the only person who really knows the truth is the woman concerned. If this is not you, stand well clear.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 28-Nov-15 12:01:22

It's her body, her choice, and her decision as to what she tells others.

I suggest you avoid any temptation to stick your oar in get involved in this situation and keep whatever you have surmised about the 'figures' to yourself as you may be wrong.

louisejxxx Sat 28-Nov-15 12:02:24

Not your place to say anything, whether she's in the wrong or not.

Cabrinha Sat 28-Nov-15 12:07:27

No. Ultimately - her body her decision.
She shouldn't have cheated, but perhaps she really sees a potential future with the new man and needs to be sure that's not influenced or impacted by throwing a baby into the relationship too soon.

Maybe she just doesn't want a baby now. Her business.

Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 12:08:16

AuntieStella definitely not me
Its not actually me that is thinking about telling him. My friend feels somewhat compromised that she is terminating the baby in his name.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 12:18:42

If I were you friend I would be telling him.

I wouldn't want my ex using me as an excuse to terminate a pregnancy.

What she does with her own body is up to her. If she started bringing me into her lies to cover up, then I wouldn't be ok with that.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 28-Nov-15 12:22:07

She won't be termininating anything in your friend's name as she won't have been asked, or be asked, who the father is.

If he ended a relationship with her because she cheated, I would have thought he'd be relieved that he's not going to to spend the next 18 years having dealings with her and paying child maintenance or is that his male pride is dented and he wants to get back at her in some way?

Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 12:22:19

Enjolrass that's what he thinks also. He thinks the guy has a right to at least have a discussion about he future of their unborn baby.
I am not sure as I wonder what good it would do.

Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 12:24:24

goddessofsmallthings she has clearly told her boyfriend that the baby is not his and belongs to my friend. However she agrees with my friend that the baby is categorically not his.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 12:40:06

She won't be termininating anything in your friend's name as she won't have been asked, or be asked, who the father is.

Yes she has

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 12:41:40

I don't think it would do much good tbh.

But I wouldn't be party to this.

The boyfriend either thinks your friends wants rid of the baby (thinking a it's his) or is in the dark about it.

She is bringing your friend into her lie. I wouldn't be ok with that.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 28-Nov-15 13:01:21

The woman in question will not have been, or be, asked who the father is by the hospital/clinic who perform the termination, Enjolrass therefore any termination will be carried out in her name and her name only.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 13:04:05

goddess we disagree on terminology.

The woman in question is telling her boyfriend she is terminating because the baby is her exs.

So from my point of view she is doing it in his name as far as her relationship goes.

I am not talking about her dealings with the medical professionals. Neither is the OP as far as I can see.

Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 13:04:23

Enjorlass do you think he should discuss it with her or just tell the guy?

Babealicious38 Sat 28-Nov-15 13:06:43

She won't be terminating anything in your friend's name as she won't have been asked, or be asked, who the father is.

This is not in relation to professionals. We agree that ultimately what she does is her decision but his concern is that she is lying about the paternity of the baby to her boyfriend in order to facilitate the termination and her relationship

SnakesandKnives Sat 28-Nov-15 13:12:24

She clearly wants to end the pregnancy whoevers 'baby to be' it is

If current boyfriend is told that actually it's his.......and his response is 'I am totally opposed to that, I desperately want the baby, you can't kill my unborn child' what will then happen? I just can't see how telling him will in any way be positive here? Equally I can see why your friend feels uncomfortable about it...

Very unusual quandary this one

Helmetbymidnight Sat 28-Nov-15 13:12:48

Why has the original guy got back with her? I think he's making a mistake.

Now the original guy wants her to tell the other guy that she's having a termination. Why? Whats the point?

Helmetbymidnight Sat 28-Nov-15 13:14:38

Ah, I've got it wrong haven't I?

Finola1step Sat 28-Nov-15 13:23:22

I think in this situation, keep well out of it.

She has made the decision to terminate. Your friend can get on with his life in the knowledge that he is well out of this messy situation.

For whatever reason, she has decided to terminate. Yes, for the sake of being truthful, she should tell her new bf that the pregnancy is indeed as a result of their relationship and not your friend's. But it is for her to tell him. The third person involved in this IMO would be well within their rights to say that the dates don't match in his opinion and leave that information there.

There is of course another possibility. That there is a third man involved.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 13:29:32

It would depends on the relationship I had with her.

tuilamum Sat 28-Nov-15 13:39:59

Yes its her decision to terminate whatever the situation, but the father does have a right to at least know that this baby is his.
If she doesn't want the baby because she doesn't want a baby then she can terminate anyway but what if she's terminating because she thinks this guys will walk out on her if she said she was pg with his baby? What if this guy would actually be supportive of her in having the baby?
In my opinion I think your friend should talk to this girl about telling her bf the truth, because whilst it is her body and she can of course choose to do as she wishes with it, it is still his baby and he should at least be aware of that fact.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 14:02:11

There is of course another possibility. That there is a third man involved.

I wondered this.

Tbh if I was her new boyfriend and I found out down the line, I would be pissed off that the relationship am started on such a monumental lie.

It's not healthy to start a relationship this way.

Enjolrass Sat 28-Nov-15 14:01:51

There is of course another possibility. That there is a third man involved.

I wondered this.

Tbh if I was her new boyfriend and I found out down the line, I would be pissed off that the relationship am started on such a monumental lie.

It's not healthy to start a relationship this way.

category12 Sat 28-Nov-15 14:08:57

She gets to make her own choices and she clearly doesn't want to continue the pregnancy. What difference does it make who the father is? He doesn't get to change her decision.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now