Evening all, met a man, had a few successful if close together dates, got the impression he wanted to see me more frequently than i has time to give so eneded it. 1 week later he came to my rescue so decided to give him another go. he has been fantastic through rough times, makes me laugh, a gentleman, fab sex etc. That being said, he has no friends, no hobbies, only works and sees his 3 kids when his ex deigns it convenient for her. very acrimonous split, he left her as unhappy after 25 years, she does not encourage the children to see him one iota unless she has plans. As a result he has an awful lot of spare time, whereas i do not, single parent work full time with another business on the side and lots of friends and hobbies.
After 18 months, i have only met his DD who is similar age to my child once for a brief period. On the other hand he stays over at mine a couple of times in the week after childs bedtime and saturday, soending sunday with me and my child. This was becoming a bit of habit and i noticed my child playing up on sundays, obviously jealous and felt like every sunday was spent trying to give them both attention, very stressful. I decided last month to reduce the overnight stays and discourage us doing things together every sunday and it has been so much better as i have not felt like i was constantly telling my child off for being naughty etc. I did is for a few weeks and realised that we were playing happy famiiies with my child but there was none of this going on atnhis end, with his children. Somewhat of an uneven balance.
he wondered what was going on with less time spent together and i told him 2 weeks ago that i thought it best if we only see each other when ex husband has child overnight. At the time he said he was fine but i have noticed him becoming less affectionate, less kisses on texts etc. He asked last week if we wanted to do anything today and i said that i had plans with child. Tonight he has rang me, clearly upset and frustrated saying he hates being by himself all the time, doesnt understand why we cant soend time together, he hates being alone all day like he was today etc. says he feels i am blaming him for childs behavious when he is there.
he has no set contact with his children and when his ex says jump he says how high, he is a coward when it comes to disagreei with her, even if its about seeing the kids. peronsally i would never let my ex sabotage my relationship with my child but he just shrugs his shoulders and reverts to type, her telling him what to do. So basically after 18 months he still hasnt got the guts to ask ex if his kids can have a play date with me and mine. I am put off him by this, for not having the guts to stand up to her about something as important as seeing your kids regularly, he has made it clear that he would like to move in with me, there is absolutely no way that will happen if i havent met his kids?! and if his ex tells him what to do all the time, therefore her whims impacting on the life of me and my child.
I should say that i like spending time by myself, always have. he says when he is by himself all the time it messes with his head, makes him depressed, says he is only happy when he is with me etc. he comes across as quite needy, i am very independent and find it off putting. he has said numerous times that he is going to sort regular access out, sort divorce, sort a play date etc and it never happens, i suspect because it is habit of 25 years of her calling the shots. He promised again tonight that he would get a playdate sorted but he has been saying that for the past year so i cant quite see wheere this is going, if anywhere. When i am with him, when my child is at her dads, we have a great time and he is good company, but when my child is here they are my priority and he just doesnt seem to get it, or want to get it.
I told him that if we ever had playdate where his child played up he would understood how conflicted it can feelwanting them both to be happy but as that had never happened he couldnt understand it. Am i just being a selfish insensitive person or were my first instincts right - he is just too needy for me? Xx
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Relationships
partner of one year being very needy or am i insensitive?
Chocolate99 · 22/11/2015 23:26
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