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Can an older woman - younger man relationship work long term?

(52 Posts)
Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 15:18:19

Just that really.

I've recently met a man on OLD that I just clicked with right away, we share the same interests, views on life, same sense of humour and we even like the same TV!

But he is 17 years younger than me.

He says it nobody's business but ours but I'm still concerned what people will think. I never set out to date a younger man but we just found it so easy to talk to one another and we both immediately felt like we had known each other for ages that it just progressed from there.

I suppose I'm looking for success stories - anyone?

TeenyW123 Thu 19-Nov-15 15:31:39

My husband's 12 years younger than me. Give it a go and see what happens.

TheOnlyWayToEatSandwiches Thu 19-Nov-15 15:32:34

How old are you? It makes a massive difference. You're 35 he's 18? Eeek! You're 67 he's 50, less eek.

Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 15:36:39

Yes I can see how that would make a difference!

I'm 52, he's 35.

Pedestriana Thu 19-Nov-15 15:45:54

Ah you know what? If it were the other way round, nobody would be really commenting.
My friend's husband is 15 years older than her. Another friend has been in a relationship with a man 18 years her senior. Nobody bats an eyelid.

Although it's a smaller age diff (4yrs), I'm older than DP. His brother recently broke up with his long-term partner (9 years younger than him) and is now very happily dating a woman 6 years older than him.

ALaughAMinute Thu 19-Nov-15 16:04:44

I don't think it's so much the age (although that is important) as the different life stages that causes some people problems.

For instance, most 52 year olds have grown up children and possibly grandchildren whereas a lot of 32 year olds are only just jjthinking about getting married and having children. And what about retirement? Would you both retire at the same time?

To be absolutely frank, I think a 17 year age gap is too much in my opinion, but if it's what you both want and you are happy together, then why not?

noseynoras Thu 19-Nov-15 16:05:26

The reason no one would comment it it were the other way round is that biologically, men have always gone for fertile women, which can mean they are younger -so the species doesn't die out.
This is nothing to do with social conventions but plain survival of homo sapiens!

I had a long term relationship with a man 14 yrs older- no biggie- we split for various reasons but not the age gap.

OP- I think it depends on what page you are each on.
If he wants children (and he may say he doesn't now but have a change of heart at 40, 45 or 50) then it's not going to work, is it?

If he already has children and doesn't want any more then maybe it stands a chance.

17 years is a big gap- it's a generation. If you have the same values, the same interests and tastes in music, culture , etc then that's a positive , so who knows, but hand on heart I think it is quite a big age gap this way round.

Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 16:09:30

True, it's funny how we think views have evolved but there's still that double standard isn't there.

My date told his dad he was seeing someone when he was visiting him and of course he got the third degree from him. What was my name, where did I live and how old were my "kiddies"??
He replied they're 26 and 29 and his dad is ah okaaaay! grin

However my date's stepmum soon stopped him in his tracks as she gave him the evil eye - she, by the way, is 14 years younger than his father!!

RustyBear Thu 19-Nov-15 16:11:45

When he was 22, one of my close relatives met a 38 year old American woman with two children via an Internet game chat room - they've now been together 8 years and married for 6 - longer than some of the friends who told them it would never last.

Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 16:13:30

He has two children and has had the snip so definitely doesn't want more kids.

We do share about 90% of our interests, in fact the only area we differ is music he likes Frank Sinatra and I like Muse!

slightlyinsane Thu 19-Nov-15 16:17:02

My stepmum is 15 years younger than my dad. They have been married 30 years. As long as he's happy not to want children I'd say go for it and enjoy

slightlyinsane Thu 19-Nov-15 16:18:16

Ah didn't read your recent post, kid situation all sorted, crack on and enjoy

MrsGrahamCoxon Thu 19-Nov-15 16:18:26

I am struggling with the same thing. I'm 46 he's 27. So much in common, obvious chemistry, both single. No idea where it's going if anywhere and we are just friends right now.
To be honest I feel like an idiot about the whole thing. We spend a lot of time together and I don't notice the age gap. Sorry I can't give you any advice just to let you know you're not alone!

tiredwitless Thu 19-Nov-15 16:22:27

I think its probably fine right now but I would be worried about later on maybe ten or twenty years time when he is still in the prime of life and you are really a bit closer to 'old'. You may be someone who is very confident and ages fantastically but prrsonally i think i would feel insecure. Having said that it sounds really nice at the moment and if there is nothing stopping you maybe just see how it goes and enjoy it?

Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 16:26:24

Thanks MrsGraham it does help!

And I feel the same as you in that I feel a bit ridiculous, but then I've always worried too much about what other people think.
When we are together everything feel so just "right" and he feels the same.
The most important people in my life (my kids) won't bat an eyelid, in fact the only thing they will be concerned about is if he treats me well.

It's just that I've had such rotten luck with men in the past and now I've found someone decent at long last it's just a shame he's not older!

Finola1step Thu 19-Nov-15 16:28:28

My aunt met her partner when she was 49 and he 31. I remember it well because she was just about to turn 50, big family party planned. She hadn't told him her age but she had to due to the party. All was fine, of course.

My aunt helped him look after his elderly parents right to the end. My aunt had a serious accident some years back and now has many health problems. Her partner is now her carer. But this is the case for many couples, whatever the ages involved.

They have stayed together. Its not far off 30 years.

Good luck to you. The only real issue I think in such a relationship is if the younger man desperately wanted his own children. But if this is not an issue, go for it.

ILiveAtTheBeach Thu 19-Nov-15 16:29:34

I would say just enjoy it. The thing is, 50% of marriages don't last, so even if you were the exact same age, there'd be no guarantees of success. Having said that, I can't imagine dating a man 17 years my junior. I think I'd be paranoid that he would go off with a younger women, in the end.

noseynoras Thu 19-Nov-15 16:45:42

Don't worry about what people think.

I think a gap of 10 years either side is okay. When you get much beyond that when the woman is older, I think 'Hmmmm'.

My son and his friends are 30-ish Could I imagine them with a woman around 50? No way.

Think ahead- 70/ 53. That doesn't work for me. Sorry.

forumdonkey Thu 19-Nov-15 16:50:45

A guy I liked quite a lot and dated for a few months last year was 8 years younger. We got on really well but he was in his 30's and I'm mid 40's. He wanted and was still young enough to have children, whereas I was definitely not, so for that reason we called it a day.

If having children isn't an issue I'd go for it, you're not hurting anyone.

LucySnow12 Thu 19-Nov-15 17:14:35

Enjoy it and don't worry. He sounds really into you which is great.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 19-Nov-15 17:17:12

Another vote for enjoying it. It's not as if you want to have more children, after all.

I have to say, OP, that I am, sort of, well.... er.... involved in a similar situation right now. I have struck up a FWB situation with a man of 32 and I will be 51 next month. It may not last for long but OMFG I'm enjoying it at the moment.

Have you shagged yours yet?

Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 19-Nov-15 17:56:17

SolidGoldBrass- oh yes!!!
And it's fantastic grin

Thanks for all your comments, I'm pleased to see they are (mostly) positive!
I loved your aunt's story Finola. smile

Cat2014 Thu 19-Nov-15 17:58:47

No problem at the moment, it's when you get older it's more likely to be a problem. But as long as you've thought that through good luck to you both!

daftyburd Thu 19-Nov-15 18:09:56

My gran was 11 years older than my grandad. They were together for just over 60 years. You couldn't even tell there was an age difference.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Thu 19-Nov-15 18:22:55

Ah if you're both happy, good luck!

It is funny though. When I did OD, I was contacted by a man 12 yrs younger than me and I dismissed him outright because of the age difference. He contacted me a couple of times and asked if I'd be willing to exchange a couple of messages and see how we got on. But I wouldn't. Uh-uh, no chance! grin

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