I just finished with my boyfriend. Was definitely in love with him, and I think he was with me too. Together for 5 months, but his commitment-phobic behavior was ruining things.
He had a set idea in his head that he wasn't ready to get married (I'm not either) but he just kept assuming I wanted marriage and kids and creating a drama where there wasn't one.
Little things like avoiding meeting my friends or going AWOL for a few days after a good date. This only started once we got very close and it was obvious we were falling in love. Before that he wasn't worried about those things.
I alternated for a couple of months between being patient and getting aggravated and angry because sometimes that behavior would be upsetting for me. It was causing fights between two people who otherwise got on well and I just couldn't continue feeling like I was trying to force him to behave a certain way and decided to leave him to it.
I broke it off a week ago, and while I have broken it off twice before due to this behavior, I missed him, he missed me too and we went right on like we were before.
This time I meant it though, and i didn't break it off so he would change his ways and chase after me - but more becauseI'd rather be alone than with someone who was ruining the present to guard against the future.
I felt he had to get his head together and be either in or out and just enjoy it instead of doing hurtful things to push me away.
I know he left me no choice, but it's so hard when you feel like you've met someone you love being with who makes you happy and you have to break up with them over things like this.
Will he come back to me if he cares enough?
I have let him get away with murder up to now and it's the first time I've really stood my ground.
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Relationships
Will he come back if he cares enough?
amazonejane · 15/11/2015 17:59
5 months and he's given you all this grief? 
He doesn't 'care enough' and he never will. Don't hang around waiting to see if he comes back to carry on as he's done before - bin him and resolve to bin all knobbers who try to make a monkey out of you.
Some men go on like this for years. Sounds like you are best off out of it. It's too exhausting and too much of a head fuck. if you are that scared of falling in love and ending up in a grown up committed relationship then it's best not to date anyone to start with. 
I've been there and got the t-shirt with men like this OP. Often the reality we'd really rather not face is that the relationship is far more important to us than it is to them.
So we tell ourselves they are just scared. That they are overwhelmed by their feelings for us and are not sure how to handle it. Because the idea that actually they aren't that bothered is too painful. And they, of course, are only too happy to go along with this narrative because the alterative for them is admitting that they're knowingly being a tosser and don't much care that their behaviour hurts us.
And yes, I know he might have said this and said that. But what is he doing? He's keeping you at arms length. He's withdrawing and hurting you. He's not spending time and effort when he could be. He's blowing hot and cold. He's messing with your head. He's continuing to behave in this way even though you've told him you can't stand it.
So yes to answer your original question he might come back to you. But it won't be because he's suddenly started caring. It will be because he can. He won't have changed and his behaviour will soon revert back to business as usual.
Your options are either to cut your losses or endure more of the same. But the longer it goes on the more painful and humiliating it will become.
Did I say I'd been there and got the t-shirt? 
Trouble is though, OP, the truth about these relationships often does hurt. Which is why we go through such mental gymnastics trying to avoid it. But trying to attribute any possible motivation to the undesirable behaviour other than the most obvious one - that he doesn't call or make plans because he doesn't want to, and that he creates distance because he doesn't want to be close - sucks us dry and robs us of our energy.
What AnyFucker has to say may not feel wonderful to read, but is almost certainly true. I bet he's not posting a forum, tying himself in knots over how he can make it work.
I know it feels like shit. I've been there. But the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is move on. 
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