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(30 Posts)
mad1010 Wed 28-Oct-15 03:00:11

DH just retired -
collegues threw leaving do he was apprehensive in going as he knew they were up to something. The ' something ' turned out to be a stripper.Came out wearing very skimpy bra and knicker's ( is this a stripper as she was already stripped off) She then took off all his clothes leaving on just his pant's.She sprayed him with something then waxed his chest,at this point i lost it so there may be more to it.Through out our long marriage we always worked on a look don't touch principle where other's are concerned i feel devastated he let her touch him made no attempt to stop it.My D.D thinks i'm being ridiculous my DH was very sheepish telling me has he knew i would react but, he agree's with my D.D . Would you please comment please Thank you

GreenSand Wed 28-Oct-15 04:21:20

He told you, which I'd class as a bonus. Tho I guess the waxing might have taken some explaining! I know its got to be hard for you, but he had no hand in organising it, and while he may have not stopped it, are you sure he didn't try to dissuade her? I'd have thought that would be very hard to do with loads of work colleagues around, so even if he tried hard, he probably wouldn't have got away with preventing things.

I'm guessing he's recently got in? Can you both sleep, and then talk it through when the alcohol has worn off?
You can't change what has happened, but you can talk through your feelings about events.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby Wed 28-Oct-15 07:05:43

I would be beyond furious. I hope this morning you both have had enough sleep to talk this through calmly.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Wed 28-Oct-15 07:09:27

I agree with Green Sand, he didn't seek her out and told you straight away so it could be far worse. Talk it through calmly if you can, good luck!

beelover Wed 28-Oct-15 07:12:35

I think I would be more angry with the work colleagues for thinking this was an appropriate thing to organise in the first place.

Oysterbabe Wed 28-Oct-15 07:27:03

I don't think it's his fault. He was in an awkward position with everyone watching and would have caused a huge scene if he'd resisted too much. He probably wouldn't have know what to do at the time.
Like others said he didn't go to looking for a stripper and his colleagues are to blame.

dratsea Wed 28-Oct-15 08:15:19


SpinachJelly Wed 28-Oct-15 08:31:34

I would aim most of my anger at his so-called friends. What sort of people would do that to someone of 65+ (I'm guessing).Your DH will probably be feeling pretty humiliated this morning, as well as hungover.

MumOnTheRunAgain Wed 28-Oct-15 08:55:32

Police??? Why?

ShortandSweeter Wed 28-Oct-15 08:58:29

Yes, completely inappropriate from colleagues and not his fault.

Threefishys Thu 29-Oct-15 09:34:44

I would be jealous as you are but I would also know that was a I was being a bit silly and overreacting. I think your DD IS right and I think you should let your DH off the hook and rationalise that he had nothing at all to do with arranging this and was on the spot.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 29-Oct-15 09:42:31

I probably wouldn't like it but he didn't set this up.
With all his colleagues there he felt he 'had to play along'
Have a calm discussion.
It's not happened before.
Never likely to happen again.
Move on.

Drew64 Thu 29-Oct-15 09:43:22

This does not sound in any way your DH fault, nor his responsibility.

I hate strippers and have managed to avoid the stag do's where they are involved.
Your DH's collegues can't have known him very well to have arranged a retirement do for him like this.
Had I found myself in this situation I could have quite easily ruined the retirement do by telling the stripper and my collegues to all fuck off!
I suggest you DH didn't want to ruin the day.

He's told you, I reckon your both equally disgusted by it. Don't worry, just try to see through it.

Seeyounearertime Thu 29-Oct-15 09:43:53

I've been in this horrible situation as a man looking on. It was a stag do.
A friend got his best mte to organise the typical stag do. Needless to say drink flowed and outcame the stripper. The stag looked mortified and tried to halt proceedings but when most of the 15 other guys are egging it all on there was little he could actually do. Poor sod spent the rest of the night upset and worried what his Hen would say when he found out etc.

Op, I'd give him a break tbh. If he'd chosen to go to a strip club, chosen to go on stage, chosen to give money and not told you then I think youd have a big issue, this was technically nothing to do with him and probably organised by the office jackass.

ILiveAtTheBeach Thu 29-Oct-15 09:43:55

Nah, you need to get over it. I've been in this position...had a stripper at my Hen do. There's no way you can be a party pooper when the spot light is on you. It's just a bit of fun. Poor bloke, cut him some slack.

cozietoesie Thu 29-Oct-15 09:47:22

My experience of these stupid gestures is that work colleagues are highly likely to do something inappropriate rather than fitting. They just gain momentum.

I'd be really T'd off but I wouldn't worry about it as long as he doesn't have to see them again post-retirement. It was plain stupid of them but I don't see what he could realistically have done about it in the circumstances.

Yourface Thu 29-Oct-15 09:52:12

Jesus! Is it 1985 in his workplace?

I'd be pissed off too. Can't think of anything more inappropriate for the working environment, even on a last day. I would hate to work in a place where this sort of thing is normalised.

Anyway, your husband sort of sounds like a victim in this, yes he could have stopped it and thrown a strop but it would take a lot if guts. maybe seeing it was his last day, he decided to go with the line of least resistance.

I'd forgive him, be disgusted with his work pals but don't let it mar the start of his retirement.

Wotsitsareafterme Thu 29-Oct-15 09:57:51

I'm with yourface - you can't go too far when it was at no instigation of his whatsoever. Sounds really cringey. Let it pass

dratsea Thu 29-Oct-15 09:59:56

MumOnTheRunAgain If I told you... you might get caught!

Intheprocess Thu 29-Oct-15 10:40:42

If this was an unwittingly involved female employee and a male stripper it would probably be classed as sexual harassment. Your DH may actually be quite upset about it, I know I would be - being a man doesn't make you immune to being pressured into uncomfortable sexual situations.

Enjolrass Thu 29-Oct-15 10:53:14

If someone organised me a stripper I would be upset. I don't like it.

However if someone did it as a surprise I can not say I would honestly kick off. I would probably feel I had let it happen, which is awful. But o just don't know.

Chances are your dh is probably quite upset too.

He didn't go to a strip bar, pay for a dance or even choose to have this happen.

Yes he might have been able to do more but I don't think anyone can say every single person would have stopped it.

This is something that was don't to him and I would be angry at his work colleagues.

ScribblerOnTheRoof Thu 29-Oct-15 10:57:30

Agree that it's not his fault. He would have looked like a bit of an arse if he insisted she left.

The poor bloke was stripped to his pants ... then again, I wouldn't strip if I was not up for it.

Nobody reluctantly strips!

Ok I have changed my mind. He is a knob

hairbrushbedhair Thu 29-Oct-15 11:05:11

I think he was stupid under peer pressure

And I'd insist he was clear with these 'friends' not to do anything like that again because it had seriously upset me

But then I would drop it. He caved under pressure and joined in with something that would upset you - but he didn't organise it or have time to think through a better response on the spot

lorelei9 Thu 29-Oct-15 11:14:29

my first thought on reading this was that he was bullied by his colleagues and put in a horrible position

glad he left. Doesn't sound like he is to blame. If he had stormed off, it would have been a dramatic and horrible end to the evening? tough call.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Thu 29-Oct-15 12:46:37

Fair enough, he didn't organise it, but he went along with it to the point where was nearly naked himself... not sure I'd accept that tbh.

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