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So how could you tell that your (now) BF/DH was interested?

(73 Posts)
noclueses Mon 26-Oct-15 23:20:21

I mean before he actually told you or asked you out. When did you get that knowing feeling that he is interested more than fleetingly?

Just want to hear some nice stories about the start of relationships.

Knackeredknitter67 Tue 27-Oct-15 02:56:05

He kept trying to catch my eye and smile at me, he made sure he was always sitting near me and usually next to me. He also kept trying to make me laugh and told me he liked my smile. He had a party just so he could invite me and talk to me, stuff like that. He is the most romantic man I have ever been with though, but it is still pretty new.

noclueses Tue 27-Oct-15 10:41:02

that's so nice Knackered, I can dream a little as missing that sort of obvious attention. You aer lucky he had it so clear, some men don't do this as they aer worried they'd come across as too much inyour face.
I'm curious if anyone could tell from their more subtle behavoiur too.

noclueses Tue 27-Oct-15 10:41:28

made it so clear, not 'had'.

Viewofhedges Tue 27-Oct-15 13:00:20

On the night I met my now DH, it was at a festival. He was walking ahead with our mutual friend (who introduced us) and they were catching up as they'd not seen each other for a while. I was walking just behind them. My waterbottle was empty, we passed a standpipe and I paused to fill it up and it was my DH, not my friend, who turned round to see where I was.

I think I knew from that moment that he was interested!

I knew I was interested in him when we sat down next to each other and my arm on his side felt all tingly. smile

And from then on he just made it gently clear. And it was great - I was 32 at the time and I remember thinking 'ah, no more games. We like each other and it's as simple as that.' We're into our 4th year of marriage now and it remains that simple - no messing about, just mutual respect, support and love. Shock mumsnet announcement - some men are great!

LeiaOrgana Tue 27-Oct-15 13:15:40

He gave up gaming time for me! His mum remarked once we got together that NEVER happened.

noclueses Tue 27-Oct-15 13:37:59

so it was really love/interest at first sight? NIce to hear that it happens even to 30+! I'm even older and I notice there is a certain cynicism, people don't rush (I don't either) but I really still want that bit of romance. Did you like hin to look at or was it an unexpected tingling?
Leia, that's a big one! grin

walking home from the pub with a couple of mutual friends we were crashing through the fallen leaves like kids and he knelt down... to tie my loose shoelace. Then next night in the pub (again blush) he invited the friends round for dinner and asked me if I would come too... I was grin cos I had fancied him for ages and rest is history. (i won't mention that at said dinner he split red wine down my favourite garfield teeshirt and I had to take it off and wear one of his while he soaked it, he laughs now and says it was a cunning plan to get my top off worked)

BertieBotts Tue 27-Oct-15 14:30:42

I never recognised it at the time but in hindsight whenever I've suddenly developed an unexplained crush on somebody it's coincided with them developing feelings for me and perhaps acting in slightly different ways which I wasn't overtly aware of.

MargaretHale Tue 27-Oct-15 14:36:51

I had no idea, just threw myself at him and hoped for the best! 13 years ago now.... I will share my winning chat up line with you (please note I was very drunk at the time):
Me(dramatically): Only pillocks fancy me!
Him(a bit awkwardly): That's not true...
Me (seductively): You're just saying that because I'm not wearing a bra...

Lottapianos Tue 27-Oct-15 14:42:23

I was sharing a house with a friend of his and DP used to come to our house parties. I always fancied him but it took months before anything happened. We were talking about music and I gave him a CD of a band I loved and told him he simply must listen to it. It was all a ploy - I thought 'if this comes back to me via my housemate, then he's not interested. If he gives it back in person, then he might be'. A week later he texted and asked me if I fancied meeting for a drink grin

MothershipG Tue 27-Oct-15 14:47:39

We were work colleagues, then friends, then I started getting interested in it being something more so I was trying to subtly indicate this but it was going right over his head. Very frustrating! grin

So in the end I decided to just go for it, I practically had to draw him a diagram while throwing him on the bed!

19 years together, 15 married, 2 DC later we are both very glad that I took matters in hand. winkgrin

TrulySweet Tue 27-Oct-15 14:57:04

My DH and I worked for the same company but different (& adjacent) departments back in 2002. He held the door open for me and that was it. Neither of us can remember what we said but it was like a home coming for me. I thought he was wildly out of my league because he was kind, a gentleman (not in a creepy way), friendly and very intelligent (I had been in a prior abusive relationship) but a girl can dream grin

Shortly after that (days/weeks not mins!) I had a seizure in a corridor and DH saw me being looked after. He went straight back to his desk and looked up seizure first aid in case he needed to help me as we both worked early and were often the only people in our two departments due to the world cup matches playing in the staff restaurant & everyone else being football mad (neither of us like football).

We started sending nerdy & silly emails to each other and then texted each other.

He asked me out to the cinema after work via text and when we were on our date DH said would I like to choose the film. I chose Minority Report as I like sci-fi/Philip K Dick. DH said 'oh you don't have to pick what you think I like', and I replied 'I love sci-fi!' That absolutely sealed the deal.

That was 2002, we've been married 11 years and have 4 DCs and are still blissfully happy (sorry!) That's not to say life has been easy as it hasn't but we have just got stronger.

TrulySweet Tue 27-Oct-15 15:00:39

Oh and when he calls me 'Lass' like he did at the start it makes me melt. I know I am loved and cherished and I sincerely hope he knows how much he is.

noclueses Wed 28-Oct-15 00:42:03

thank you for such lovely stories, I so enjoy reading as I need to boost my optimism regarding meeting someone, but also to be able to read men better. Generally what comes across with really interested men, is that they act in a caring way even though in minor ways to start with.
But hilarious to read about women getting drunk and going for it, Margaret! Shocking bra line! was he open-mouthed/lost for words? haha
Still initiative seems to work with men, though imo only shy/oblivious ones. Mothership I wonder what sort of diagram!

SzeliMac Wed 28-Oct-15 05:06:28

We were at a houseparty and me being somewhat of a hussy (brought on by mh issues) thought 'he'll do', after having had previous dalliances with most of the other blokes there.

We got introduced and started chatting and he bamboozled me with a load of numerology stuff and then told me I'd be the woman he'd marry and have babies with.
After a night of snogging (and no sex on my insistance!!!) and a further date I decided we were better off as friends and he chased me for another 4 months until we had another date, 4 months later he moved in, 4 months after that I was pregnant (wonderfully accidentally) and 2 years later we wed (after him claiming he never said anything about marriage as he doesn't believe in it grin).

I thought we'd been together about 5 years but I worked out the other day I only met him 4.5 years ago. Crazy stuff. I love the very bones of him

MadeMan Wed 28-Oct-15 09:22:15

"I had no idea, just threw myself at him and hoped for the best! 13 years ago now.... I will share my winning chat up line with you (please note I was very drunk at the time):
Me(dramatically): Only pillocks fancy me!
Him(a bit awkwardly): That's not true...
Me (seductively): You're just saying that because I'm not wearing a bra..."

I like how you trailed off at the end there and left us to wonder what happened next; the classic cliffhanger... smile

Viewofhedges Thu 29-Oct-15 12:42:46

"Generally what comes across with really interested men, is that they act in a caring way even though in minor ways to start with."

Yes. Decent men show they care - by showing that they care.
And if they don't play games with you and you don't play games with them, it can be really wonderfully simple. No 'reading them' necessary!

I think being slightly older helps, OP, because basically neither of you can be bothered with the BS any more. And that's a lovely feeling, when you realise that you don't have to do that any more.

SparklyTinselTits Thu 29-Oct-15 12:51:25

My DH went to Afghanistan a couple of weeks after we met, so we weren't properly dating when he left...but he used all his free time, and phone card minutes to call me or write to me smile I took that as meaning he was interested grin he took my on our first real date when he got back, and 5 years later we are married with DD smile

SkyFoCrumbo Thu 29-Oct-15 13:29:52

We met through a mutual friend at a party. He was one of a small group of people I spent the night talking to, and as we worked in the same industry, we spent most of the night talking shop. I had no clue at all he fancied me! He was lovely, friendly, funny, I definitely thought 'mmm he seems nice...'...but he gave off absolutely no flirtatious vibes whatsoever, so I just left it there.

Next day the friend who's party it was called me and said 'X asked if he could have your number...he wondered if you'd like to have lunch some time'. We both worked in the same industry, so I thought it was probably going to be a networking type thing.

We had lunch the next day. He came and met me during my lunch break at work and made me laugh so much I was giddy. But I still wasn't rue if he fancied me. During lunch I'd admired his tee-shirt (we were young and both liked a certain type of trendy label). As I left work that day, the receptionist said 'there's a package for you'. He'd gone into town, to the only shop that sold this label, that afternoon and bought me back a version of the tee shirt I'd admiredgrin.

I sort of knew then wink.

We've been together 15 years.

SkyFoCrumbo Thu 29-Oct-15 13:30:30

wasnt *sure if he fancied me...grrr

noclueses Thu 29-Oct-15 21:51:51

aw, that's great, Sky - amusing how you had no clue even when he asked for your number. Did you give him any flirty vibes yourself? anyway, great that it worked out so fast! Never is the case with me - well one was very quick off the mark but turned out very controlling (dumped soon).

Sparkly, well yes this was a major clue with the letter and phonecalls. Was it unexpected or you knew you fancied each other in the first two weeks you knew him? Did you show him that you liked him before he went away?

View, yes - though ime the caring doesn't start straight off, not before I get involved physically at which point the better bfs started to show some care, i'm still hoping that it may happen the other way round. As you can tell I'm single now, so I'd love to meet someone who just likes/loves me as a whole person before we get to the sexual stage. Also I sort of agree that older people don't play games as much, but otoh they are too slow and sceptical, I find - when I was younger men tended to jump in, whereas older guys, especially separated.recently divorced aer in no rush at all = boring really. There is a line between being to fast to jump in and not showing much excitement which is a turn off.

Szeli, that's exactly what I'm on about - he liked you 'loved you whether you were a hussy or not, ha! Just shows, be yourself. HOw did you suddenly start fancying him? yes he was too full on, but at least he's mad up for it with consistency!

SzeliMac Mon 09-Nov-15 05:12:32

Probably loved me because I was a hussy. Reet oddball that one! I just slowly fell for him the more time we spent together, he was the first person in a very long time that had cared for me which probably helped and I liked him when we first met but 'heard things' that put me off that through chatting I realised were BS

Crunchyontheoutside Mon 09-Nov-15 06:04:43

We went on a "chaperoned" date (i.e. me, him and our mutual friend) which I set up. He rang me on the way home and invited me for lunch the next day. Which was a terrible mistake as we were both very hungover on account of all the wine wine wine we'd drunk (our friend didn't even make it into work that day). So then he rang me on the way home from lunch and asked me out for dinner. So 3 dates in 4 days showed me he was interested.

Then he left the country for a while (already planned, not a reaction to our dinner date which ended with snogging on the tube platform) and we chatted online while he was away and arranged to meet up the evening he got back. The rest, as they say, was history grin.

squidzin Mon 09-Nov-15 08:31:25

With DP (now 4 ys in and 1 dc), I sort of began the "chasing" but I must say in a rather boring way!

We worked in the same building and I thought he was gorgeous. Then to my joy I noticed we lived 2 stops apart on the same tube line.

I engineered a couple of deliberate "accidental" journeys home together to talk to him.

When he organised a journey back with me I knew he liked me!

It didn't take us too long grin

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