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This is the conversation I am about to have with my husband.

(52 Posts)
JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 18:43:16

I will no longer have my feelings minimised by you ignoring them or refusing to debate them, this has gone on for years and I have had enough.

I will no longer be dragged down by your incessant negativity and pessimism. This has gone on for years and I have had enough.

I will not be accused of things that are not true, such as your sulking debacle over me lazily saying I couldn't be arsed to have sex whilst cuddled up to you. You sulked for over 2 weeks. You said I was spiteful and had hurt your feelings. We had dtd the night before, I said it teasingly.

I find it incredibly sad that whilst I am away with the children you completely check out and have no interest in contacting them.

I am fed up with policing what I say and how I say it, often saying nothing for fear of your accusations.

His reaction to me saying that we needed to have a talk (about our relationship) was, well it depends on how you are going to speak to me.

I feel trapped and lost. The way I am is a direct result of his ongoing failure to discuss anything about our relationship. If I have an opinion he tells me I am shouting at him or 'abusive', I do not shout nor am I abusive. I may be curt or short but that is it.

I'm at the end of the road aren't i. I've bottled it all up for so long. I'm tired and fed up. I'd rather go alone than continue this.

He may well read this. Maybe that would be a good thing.

He's going to tell me that everything is my fault and accuse me of always saying everything is his fault.

He can be a fantastic husband and father but the lack of emotional communication, the complete detachment and failure to even listen to my feelings let alone acknowledge them, the glass half empty negativity and pessimism has led me to a point of no return.

What a fucking mess.

Madlizzy Thu 30-Jul-15 18:45:22

I doubt you'll get the reaction that you want from him. Might just be worth telling him that you've had enough and you want to split.

Oxfordblue Thu 30-Jul-15 18:46:13

Join the club.

I'm going to have it with my kids too who seem to think they can have everything & do nothing.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-15 18:47:34

by all means say it all

but have no expectations

leave him no matter what his response

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 18:48:55

Maybe he has had enough too. I guess I'll know soon enough. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve with emotional stuff. You're right, he most likely will not engage, or change.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 18:49:46

I am not perfect though, I'm sure he will probably have some fair points to make.

Joysmum Thu 30-Jul-15 18:50:07

If he says it's all your fault you can say that it confirms you're right to think it's over as there is clearly no middle ground to be had and the relationship isn't good enough as it stands.

Nydj Thu 30-Jul-15 18:53:55

None of us are perfect - you don't have to be perfect to be respected and loved in a relationship.

FanOfHermione Thu 30-Jul-15 18:56:57

What Nydj said 100 times!

Verypissedoffwife Thu 30-Jul-15 18:56:57

I could have written that post.

There wouldn't have been any point at all for me having that conversation. I imagine it would be the same for you.

I hate sulkers. Nasty spiteful behaviour .

Is he abusive in others ways?

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 18:58:14

It's like he is incapable of discussion over anything emotional. What the heck is that all about?

ouryve Thu 30-Jul-15 18:59:07

I doubt that he'll raise his hands and say "fair enough" but you obviously need to get things off your chest before concluding that you have had enough.

Verypissedoffwife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:00:01

It's because he's a cold bastard.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:00:03

Not deliberately no, he's not. He has a temper on him which is when he normally walks away. I'm left to bottle stuff up. And have done for years.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:01:12

The children are going to bed now.

Verypissedoffwife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:01:43

You didn't say he always walks away - just usually. What happens when he doesn't walk away?

ouryve Thu 30-Jul-15 19:02:04

DH can't discuss anything emotional, btw, and that is frustrating and makes me want to jump up and down and scream, sometimes, but he doesn't sulk and belittle. You probably resent his emotional imperviousness more because the rest is so utterly shit.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:04:07

He's making us a cup of tea. I'd love a glass of wine but need to keep a clear head. I'm trying to think of a scenario when he hasn't walked away or just point blank ignored me. I can't think of one. His standard response it to either start to engage and get cross or not engage at all. Both are hugely frustrating.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:06:00

I've got to go, I'll come back later. Thank you everyone. This is so damn hard.

Verypissedoffwife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:07:31

Sorry I was probably projecting. My stbxh sounds similar to yours. Mine couldn't keep his hands to himself though.

JugglingLife Thu 30-Jul-15 19:08:44

No need for apologies very, you weren't overly projecting at all, I'm on a lonely place right now and need some support, you and the others are giving it.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-15 19:11:35

Good luck, love

needastrongone Thu 30-Jul-15 19:13:41

If you need to say your piece then do say it, he may well have no interest in what you have to say or belittle you or not engage, but at least you have said it and it won't eat you up.

We are here to hold your hand.

ouryve Thu 30-Jul-15 19:22:28

Virtual wine for when you're done.

FantasticButtocks Thu 30-Jul-15 19:26:57

It sounds like you are very clear in your head what you want to say to him. You are also clear in your predictions of how he's going to react. This doesn't sound like a man who will listen and actually hear you. Not unless he thinks he's going to lose everything, which it sounds like he might.

I hope you are able to say your piece, and that he at least listens, but I fear there will be no satisfaction for you in this conversation. Good luck thanks

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