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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

To pull out of the "family holiday" in order to get some time away from DP?

28 replies

NicoT · 19/07/2015 19:58

DP and I are due to get married in 9 months.

Lately we've argued A LOT and I'm starting to feel like we are not compatible.

An exampe being that we were meant to be planning a family camping trip down to cornwall where we'd all (his kids and mine, me and him also) would all have something to enjoy. He then changed this to a festival in the lakes. I'm not a massive fan of festivals (as he knows) and my kids are not into them at all. Both of my kids have said they don't want to go and to be honest, neither do I.

I did agree to it initially but now I'm thinking of cancelling and letting him go on his own with his kids. I would take my kids to a theme park instead which is something that they would actually enjoy.

But on top of this, I just feel like I want some time away from him. He complains at me constantly, takes everything I say the wrong way. Picks arguments (especially after a drink) and I'm sick of just going along with stuff to keep him sweet.

I'm actually looking forward to having the house to myself for a while - maybe to think things through.

Am I being a diva? I just can't face the thought of camping in a field, with him and his kids, being dragged to watch bands I've never heard of whilst my son sits bored and fed up on what is meant to be his holiday too.

OP posts:

Report

merrymouse · 19/07/2015 20:00

No YANBU. Sounds like a sensible idea.

NicoT · 19/07/2015 20:00

I suppose in a way, it's the first step of 'detaching' .

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 19/07/2015 20:00

I think it's a great idea, will give you time to think too, if it's like this now....

jamaisdeux · 19/07/2015 20:02

Crikey, with the best intentions in the world here, do you think you should be getting married?

I don't think either of you sound wrong, but you certainly don't sound compatible.

CocktailQueen · 19/07/2015 20:03

Sounds like a great idea and very sensible. If it's like this now... then it doesn't sound good.

This is supposed to be one of the most exciting times of your life!

wannabestressfree · 19/07/2015 20:17

Stay at home and enjoy yourself!

UncertainSmile · 19/07/2015 20:17

I think it would be a very big mistake to get married.

pocketsaviour · 19/07/2015 20:30

So, you had planned to do something that you would all enjoy, and then he decided that you were all going to do something that only 50% of you would enjoy?

That doesn't sound like a man who has the end goal of "one big happy family", in all honesty.

You will definitely have a better time at home. And some thinking space too.

LIZS · 19/07/2015 20:33

Have you posted about him and his kids before? Sounds like you have very different, potentially incompatible, priorities. If you need to disengage I think that should be it.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/07/2015 20:38

Was the family camping-trip a joint decision? How did he break it to you that he's changed the plan?

Quite honestly, I think this festival thingy is a symptom of much more serious stuff going on.

Bite the bullet and tell him this is the last straw and that he should sling his complaining and argumentative hook asap

TendonQueen · 19/07/2015 20:41

I think this is a good way of testing out your concerns. You assert yourself about a decision he has imposed on the rest of you, and you get to see what life's like without him, as he does you. All potentially very useful and better than a holiday you won't actually enjoy. Do it.

eddielizzard · 19/07/2015 20:42

doesn't sound good. and you're planning on signing up for a lifetime of this?

FredaMayor · 19/07/2015 20:42

Do you really think this man is for you?

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 20:43

Bloody hell, pull out of the holiday and the wedding

HenriettaTurkey · 19/07/2015 20:45

He sounds selfish and childish. Go on your own holiday and see how he responds to it. That should tell you a lot.

But he doesn't sound like a catch tbh. Be sure of what you want.

goddessofsmallthings · 19/07/2015 20:46

A lot can happen in nine months including you coming to your senses and realising that marrying a man who makes you feel you have to "go along with stuff to keep him sweet" is unlikely to end in a happy ever after scenario.

Why are you tolerating his behaviour and, more to the point, what do you think the constant state of friction between you is doing to your dc?

butterflygirl15 · 19/07/2015 20:46

I agree - marrying him looks like a very bad idea.

NameChange30 · 19/07/2015 20:50

"A lot can happen in nine months including you coming to your senses"

Well said, lol

pictish · 19/07/2015 20:50

He complains at me constantly, takes everything I say the wrong way. Picks arguments (especially after a drink) and I'm sick of just going along with stuff to keep him sweet.

This is the real issue. It won't get better once you're married you know...it'll only become more entrenched. Who wants to spend their life with someone who bitches all the time? How miserable and draining is that?

Yes to separate camping holidays. If you don't want to go to a festival, then why would you go to a festival?

NicoT · 19/07/2015 20:52

It's been a downhill spiral for a few months now. We just bicker constantly. Always second guessing each other. Always waiting for each other to fuck up. Even the sex has become an issue. He never wants it and when he goes along with it anyway it's obvious he isn't that into it and it becomes awkward. His reasoning behind the change was that he couldn't find a camp site that would fit all our tents (his kids are both over the age of 18 and I didn't want to be in a tent with 4 blokes). So he changed it to the festival. He did say if I had any other ideas he was open to it but what can you do with adult kids when you have an extremely limited budget? I felt I had no choice but to agree. It's just another one to add to the list of "why we're not getting on".

OP posts:

janetandroysdaughter · 19/07/2015 20:56

Good idea not to go. But why on earth do you still want to marry each other? For a life time of bickering, disappointment and half hearted duty sex? Surely you'd rather be single.

butterflygirl15 · 19/07/2015 21:03

Why are you marrying him then?

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BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/07/2015 21:05

He "never wants sex"?

Gawd, this is getting worse. Get out of this while you can! Who wants a man who will only engage in sex under protest? I think he's using this to punish you. This is really, REALLY not good

CocktailQueen · 19/07/2015 21:19

What Bitter says!

UrethraFranklin1 · 19/07/2015 23:36

Just split up now, no point doing it in pieces. The holiday doesn't matter.

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