unequal earnings in marriage and expenses

[mservi]

This is in USA.
I am marrying a guy who earns 3 times than me. Previously my earnings were 90% of him now i changed my job. Financial instability is the issue now.
My questions are-
1.In this case how can we split expenses ? on income ratio or equally?

1. I also have 150K Debt and a house he will be living in my home.
   

How can we split mortgage/prop tax/maintainnace etc.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

My theory is that a marriage is a marriage and therefore everything is equal.

More difficult is the debt. Is the 150K debt on the house, like a mortgage?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Why did you change jobs?

[mservi]

@MrsTerryPratchett thanks for reply. did not get you, what do you mean by "everything is equal"?
it straight forward 150K debt i have to give to my cousin, not like mortgage.

I changed job since my company said I was unable to meet their expectations. So temporarily joined in a job who pays less since it is better than nothing , but definitely i will earn at least 70% of his salary if change job which i am planning for.

[PurpleDaisies]

When we got married everything became shared. I used to earn more than my husband but now I earn a lot less. The amount we earn relative to each other has never made any difference to our finances. We just have a joint account which we both pay all our salary into and everything comes out of that. It works for us because we trust each other with money (and everything else!). It makes our finances very easy to manage.

I had a lot of student loans whereas my husband had none. We treated that debt as a household expense, and it didn't matter where it had come from. How do you think your fiancé would react if you suggested treating your debt in the same way?

Other friends pay into a joint account in proportion to their income and all their household expenses come out of that. They have "personal" money for their own use but we didn't feel the need to do that.

The key question is what do you and your fiancé think would work best for you as a married couple?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I meant what purple means. That DH and I share bills and have equal 'fun' money. He had more debt but also more income, which made it easier. It's your cousin you owe to? What is your agreement with him/her about interest, repayments and so on?

Is the house mortgage free?

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Joint account. All wages paid in. All debts paid out of it. If the house is mortgage free you could probably borrow against it to pay off the cousin debt (if your husband isn't liking the idea of paying off your debts for you) that way your place would be paid for and owned by the two of you.

I've never really understood this utter 'everything must be fair' nonsense. It's a marriage. You are combining your lives. Your income is joint, your expenditure is joint. It matters not a jot who earns what and who spends what. Marriages that start out with total drawing up of lines and 'I earn more than you so I get more 'fun money'' are essentially doomed to failure, as one person thinks they are more deserving than the person they are marrying.

If your future husband thinks this way, just don't get married.

[Teacup246]

DH earns three times what I do.

We have separate accounts, he pays for all the household expenditure.

Works for us

[mservi]

thanks for all your experiences.
We don't want any thing in common. no common income.
My would be doesn't want to mix the income. we keep our incomes in our own personal accounts. its kind of pre-nuptial we have . only expenses will be common that will be divided equally.
i see the interest+porp tax+hoa are common expenses. he doesn't agree.
or asking him to bring in 150K (he has that amount ) we can pay off 150K to my cousin then there will not be any interest or expenses. We left with prop tax and hoa. that can be split. when separate he can go with 150K.
What is the wrong in that?

[PurpleDaisies]

I'm struggling to follow the financial speak. What does "hoa"stand for and what's "porp tax"?

I think you're saying your husband to be doesn't want to mix incomes. What's your opinion on that?

The statement "we don't want anything in common" you make at the start baffles me a bit given you're marrying this guy...

[PurpleDaisies]

Sorry, re reading is porp tax property tax? I'm sti mystified by hoa!

[MaggieJoyBlunt]

But you're not divorced from the other guy yet! The one you went to the US to marry who says you're a cheat

[PurpleDaisies]

Interesting maggie.

I've been reading your other posts op and it sounds like you have a very complicated situation at the moment. I'd suggest taking some time to think very careful about the best way to move forward before doing anything permanent with anyone.

[LadyB49]

DH pays household bills, I buy groceries and little extras.And run my car.
He earns much more than me.
I brought to the marriage the proceeds of a house sale and he had a similar sum, both of these sums are invested in joint names.
House is mortgage.
A joint account funded by him covers holidays, gifts, house maintenance. It is also available to me for any personal unexpected expense.

[LadyB49]

Ooops...house is mortgage free.

[paxtecum]

His money should be your money and your money should be his money.
That is a marriage.
The vows used to be ' all my worldly goods I thee endow'.

But if you are not pooling finances, he should be paying half of all living expenses plus a rent because there is no mortgage.

Otherwise don't marry him.

[mynewpassion]

I think that if you had that much debt, which is not related to a home and incurred before you were married or even together, I don't think you should expect him to pay that debt.

Maybe you and him should write up a pre-nup, which is forcible in the US. Debts and assets incurred prior to marriage is your own. This way, he has no way of getting your house and he is not liable for your debts.

Afterwards, everything into one pot but split into three outgoings: household bills, savings, and fun money.

[mynewpassion]

I think hoa might mean housing association. Its like a little council that makes rules for that neighborhood within a city. Its suppose to help keep the neighborhood looking well and maintain its housing prices. A bit like a stepford neighborhood.

[MaggieJoyBlunt]

Home owners association.

[mservi]

@Maggie , great memory. i am talking about only one guy i.e my husband. I am coming here only after i am doing everything correct as per law. Because i know if i do mistakes or tell false no suggestion would help my situation. Law can decide few things like property but not on splitting expenses.

The whole story is. We are actually married (i am talking about only one guy i.e my husband ). We had fight when he showed in justice towards me, like- not allowing me to use any common assets/bank a/cs. The current situation is now he agreed to give me some % on community. But he says me cheat that's why there is my other post from me.

This might be confusing .. but its simple...

in another week we are diving community, will have our own separate properties. The share i get is my personal property, what he gets is his personal property. Now we can end our marriage.

But still there is some love left between us, so me and my H wants to try to save marriage, on only one condition, that is he doesn't want to put any of his income as common now as i am earning less now. Property transfers will happen by law in the county. since we want to see if our marriage works he wants to enter into another post-nuptial, which is no community from now try this for another 1 year.

So during this community separation he got an house and i got one,. But i had to give him 150K to settle the matter. He has 150K on my house where i live. He will be renting out his house and pay off his loan which is exactly 150K. so i am saying join me in my house, keep 150K on house as long as you live here. he will have his 150K on house as his share and my share is more than that. i am asking Divide all expenses equally like food+utilities+property tax+hoa. But he says he joins in my home pays all expenses (tax+food+utilities+maintainance). But still expects me pay him interest on 150K as long as he lives here. This doesn't seem reasonable to me. whatever he is getting from his house he can pay off all his debts. now he can live here with paying half of all monthly expenses. How can he expect interest on 150K even after occupying his personal room and share house with out any restriction? what is wrong here.

[MaggieJoyBlunt]

So you're about to reconcile after a formal separation? Is that it?

BTW, most (not all) posters here are UK based and we don't have legal concepts like community property in marriage, don't have the same property taxes etc, so that's going to be a confusing for us.

[mservi]

thanks Maggie. I am talking about law here. Law had involve, that is done now. The only thing left is our mutual agreements, so what i am putting you is genuine thuoghts , he will be living with me in my houes now and expects interest on 150K . should i keep on paying him if he stays for 10 years? still i have to pay him 150K when he wants .

[mservi]

sorry correction on my above message. I am not talking about law here.
any one from world with reasonableness should be able to answer.

[Twinklestein]

Ma hed esplode!!11!!one!!