OK so I did something really stupid for the 2nd time in 10 years and I know it was stupid but I now need advice on what this stupid event has revealed to me.
So dh and me have been together almost 10 years and married 2. We have an 18 month old daughter and have been through tough times but I still love him and we always seem to work things out.
8 years ago something happened between us. I was depressed and he was distant and overly secretive. Something wasn't right and I did the horrific thing of looking at his messages. Turned out he was on the brink of cheating on me and although I'm not proud I looked, my gut instinct told me something was up and I was right. We got through it.
I've not snooped in the years since the incident as have felt like I trusted him. Then a few weeks ago he started talking a lot about a woman at work. A bit like you do when you have a crush and every sentence seems to involve them. I didn't think too much of it, but then he suddenly started wanting to go out to work events (drinks out etc)
He is a teacher and has only been there since October and is leaving at the end of term so it seemed strange that suddenly he was wanting to spend lots of time with certain people. Then last weekend he took dd and the dog out for a walk and was gone ages. When he came back he said this girl at work had called him crying so he'd gone to hers to see her.
Then he went out on Friday for prom and they were all staying over at someone's house. He was supposed to be back by 10am sat as we had plans but then came the excuses and he arrived back at 1pm missing our planned activities for the day. Yes his reasons were plausible, but still a bit weird.
At this point rightly or wrongly my gut started to pipe up to tell me something wasn't right.
Well tonight I looked at his messages. Yes I know it's wrong but I've done it now and no going back.
So what did I find...... Well there's a lot of messages with this one female teacher (not the crying one, a different one) about hugging and she loves his hugs. Then she starts saying it's obvious how much he likes another female teacher (the crying one) "on Friday it was obvious how much you liked her. In the car you were telling her how amazing she looks" he responded saying that there isn't anything there and he'd keep his distance as it probably makes people uncomfortable.
This makes me feel uneasy but he can be a bit flirty without realising so maybe it's nothing but to others it looks like he likes this woman.
However...... They then start on the hug talk again and she asks if he wished she was "her" when they hugged. He replies saying no he was glad it was her he was hugging all night.
Him: I hope we didn't go too far for you on Friday
Her: are you kidding?
Him:I had wandering hands.
Her:I wouldn't have changed a thing
Him:ha just read your comment about your top being off. Lucky I had bottoms on
Her: I was just getting hotter and hotter but worried you'd kick me out
Him:I'd never kick you out
There's also bits about her confessing at church (religious school) , but not for Friday as that wasn't wrong.
What the hell is happening!!
It seems like they've not had sex and are just friends (but very very close, too close for me) however they slept in bed together hugging. Now for me if there is nothing wrong with it then you wouldn't hide it. You'd tell me. Also he would never want me hugging another man in bed. I feel like there is an emotional line that's been crossed and I don't know what to do.
There's also this other person who this one seems to think dh likes. The messages end with her telling him she is sure he could get hugs elsewhere (this other woman I guess) He puts "really?"
I don't know what to do.
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What should I do?
Amistupid · 23/06/2015 23:48
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