When you just want a bit of company?

[fiveacres]

I think I want the impossible, but I'm just throwing this out here to see if anyone can give me the perfect solution.

I don't want a relationship, but I am bored and lonely and fed up at the moment with a school age child, a one year old DD and DD2 due in a few weeks.

I just want someone to chat to and enjoy the evenings with.

Sigh. Not going to happen, is it?

[Nevergoingtolearn]

I know how you feel, I split with dh a couple months ago, what I miss most is company in the evenings, I do try and keep busy and it is getting slightly easier, I do go out with a friend one evening a week ( when I can get a sitter ), most of my friends have their own families so are busy in the evenings.

[fiveacres]

Yes, that's it - you're intruding on 'family time'. So difficult. I wish I could say it doesn't get me down but I do get really fed up.

[ALaughAMinute]

You're obviously still young so I very much doubt you will be on your own forever. Why not invite a friend round for the evening? I bet there are loads of woman who live locally who are in the same situation, you just need to ask around and do some networking.

[fiveacres]

I'm not that young - 33.

I will be, because it's my choice.

I don't think there are loads of women in the same situation - seem mostly to be with partners and families, which is understandable, just exhausting when you don't get to speak to any other adult, ever!

[Nevergoingtolearn]

I'm the same age, I have been chatting to a few men on POF ( dating website ), I havnt been to meet any of them but it keeps me busy in the evenings just chatting online, not quite the same as having someone in the room with you though.

How long have you been single for? I think it does get easier with time ( or I hope it does, still early days for me ).

You are still young ( 33 is very young, or it better be )

[fiveacres]

Not long - only a few months!

I feel ancient!

[Purplehonesty]

I was going to suggest chatting to people online too - it doesn't have to go anywhere but it might keep you sane during the long nights of feeding new baby!
My Dh works shifts so I am always happy to see people at weekends and evenings. We aren't coupled up all the time like it might seem. I'm lonely too sometimes!

[nj32]

Same here, I am mid thirties with two children. The evenings are definitely the hardest.

[FlabulousChix]

Somewhat difficult with your child situation. You have to put aside your needs for a few years and concentrate on your children. Hard for anybody to have a life when they have kids that's the sacrifice you make.

[FlabulousChix]

I love being on my own. Never lonely and my kids are grown.

[fiveacres]

Well, that's what I am doing Flab but it isn't easy. It's great you're never lonely but we are all different!

I would like more adult interaction. If your kids are grown it's easier to get that. I miss DH.

[Nevergoingtolearn]

It isn't easy , both my dc's have sn's so it feels like I will be alone forever ( no one will want my baggage), I know exactly how you feel, people keep telling me to concentrate on my dc's and forget about looking for someone else but I'm finding it so lonely, the evenings are the hardest time for sure, online dating has helped a lot, you don't have to meet anyone, you don't need to tell them about your children, just chatting online can help you feel less lonely and give your confidence a boost.

[fiveacres]

I'm not sure ... I don't have any real interest in meeting anyone who's not DH, I guess.

Ideally I'd just have a friend ... But obviously they have their own stuff going on in the evening.

It's tough as I spend all day alone and then the evening alone as well - it is hard.

[WishITookLifeSeriously]

I have just been discussing this with my friend. Trouble is I want to call the shots and have him run when I click my fingers, then be happy to be ignored for as long as I choose.

[UpNorthAgain]

But fiveacres you can be very lonely in a relationship and that, if anything, is worse. My XH used to watch all kinds of crap on the TV; he literally couldn't bear being in the sitting room without the TV on. Whereas I haven't turned it on for the last two weeks, and would seriously think of getting rid were it not for one sport that I follow. I do get sentimental about OAPs holding hands in the supermarket, though

[fiveacres]

I know but I don't think it's worse.

Don't know really.

I don't think I should have split with him. Think I was too hasty.

[Wombat22]

I wouldn't do it every night, but I would happily go keep any of my friends company on an evening if they needed it. I have a DH but we're not joined at the hip and he has never had a problem with me spending time with my friends.
Have you tried mentioning it to your friends fiveacres? Maybe they just don't realise that you could use some company right now

[Wombat22]

Just realised that you miss DH.
Is it salvageable?

[fiveacres]

Thanks. I think you may be in a bit of a minority though wombat I mean, we did used to sometimes 'do' something but not just stay at someone's home?

I just wish I could turn back the clock. I've made a huge mistake and I have to live with the consequences of that mistake.

[fiveacres]

I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I've texted him, he's coming over tomorrow.

[Wombat22]

I obv don't know your circumstances five but it's good he's coming tomorrow. I've been known to come a cropper I think honesty is the best policy. Maybe just tell him how you feel? till baby comes along

[fiveacres]

I just want him back. He's not perfect but neither am I and who am I to expect perfection from anybody else I suppose?

[Wombat22]

Go for it. You've got nothing to lose

[SaucyJack]

Do you want him back for himself, or just for the company? The first is fine, the latter a bit more troublesome.

Best wishes anyway. I was on my own with my older two for four years from when they have babies, so I absolutely remember and sympathise. People who have never experienced true loneliness will never get it.

[Nevergoingtolearn]

I hope you make the right choice, a couple weeks ago I almost took dh back, I missed him so much but then I realised I only wanted him back because the thought of being alone was just too scary, 2 weeks on and both dh and I are getting used to being Alfie, it is getting easier, I have also realised why I ended it, I was lonely before he left, we rarely did anything together, last summer I took the kids on lots of trips and a holiday whilst he stayed at home, the evening were spent glued to separate computers and we rarely slept together. For me I couldn't go back even though I was hurting so much. I ended up having to go to a emergency doctor and getting some tablets to help me through the past 2 weeks, splitting up is never easy even if you are the one that ended it.

Talk to him and think hard about what you want, if you give it another go be prepared for it not to work.