Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How would you feel about this man - would you stay?

(49 Posts)
whatsyourgir Wed 27-May-15 20:07:42

How would you feel if the following happened in your relationship, throughout 2.5 years:

- You moved to live with your DP to take a job where he lived, and over a year later, you get a new job (much, much better one with a lot of extra pay), and your DP refuses to relocate because it would increase his commute to 45 minutes, up from 20 minutes, and he wouldn't be able to stay at the same gym as his friends?

- You discuss buying a place with you DP, only to find out that he has booked house viewings behind your back, with the intention to buy alone?

- You find that he spoke to friends/family about an overseas work opportunity, before speaking to you, on the basis that he 'didnt want to upset you until it happened.'

- At all times, your DP was loving, cooked for you, cleaned the house willingly, paid for more than his share of everything, de-frosted your windscreeen each morning in winter on his way to work, bought you surprise gifts, went out wherever you fancied at the weekends, etc. Ie was in all other ways kind and considerate.

Would you stay?

whatsyourgir Wed 27-May-15 20:08:52

Oh and when confronted about the house buying, he said he was confused and was sorry.

confusedoflondon Wed 27-May-15 20:10:49

This man loves you but doesn't forsee his future with you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 27-May-15 20:12:03

You've posted about him before haven't you

This is also the man who keeps putting his mother before you isn't it?.

How long before you realise that you are not onto a winner with this man?.

In answer to your last question, no I would not stay so why do you stay?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Thisishowyoudisappear Wed 27-May-15 20:12:40

I would talk to him about it. If that didn't help I'd leave. Life's too short.

Fatstacks Wed 27-May-15 20:12:40

Have you posted before about this?

Taghain Wed 27-May-15 20:13:39

Like you say, he's kind & considerate, but my guess is that although he likes you he doesn't love you enough to see his long-term future with you

ALaughAMinute Wed 27-May-15 20:13:55

It doesn't sound as if you can stay if he's buying a house on his own and/or is considering relocating.

As loving as he might be it doesn't sound as if he wants to make the relationship long-term.

Have you discussed it with him? What did he say?

fortunately Wed 27-May-15 20:14:09

I find a decent rule of thumb is "if you aren't married, and don't have kids, and ever feel like posting a thread about him on the Relationships board of mumsnet, you should probably leave".

chocolatejunkie1 Wed 27-May-15 20:14:26

You're just there till something better comes along. I'm sorry if that sound harsh but I wouldn't stay.

Wheelerdeeler Wed 27-May-15 20:15:15

He wants a shag partner & nothing else.

Move on.

whatsyourgir Wed 27-May-15 20:15:51

He says he loves me and of course he wants a future with me... and that he is sorry for what I have described in the OP.

He has since taken a year long job abroad.

Chchchchangeabout Wed 27-May-15 20:16:24

I would be doing the same as him and keeping an eye out for a better option

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 27-May-15 20:18:34

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Is he abroad now, or just about to leave?

Noeuf Wed 27-May-15 20:19:11

He doesn't want to be on his own right now but is looking for things that would make being single okay for him- New house, exciting job. Letting you call the shots on the day to day stuff is what makes him feel better because he's looking into the future and you're not in it, so he feels a bit guilty.

confusedoflondon Wed 27-May-15 20:19:30

Of course he wants a future with you - he's just disguising it dead well by doing the opposite of what you do when that's the case....

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith Wed 27-May-15 20:20:11

No. I would not stay.

I speak from experience. My ex did love me. But not enough. He always put himself first. I want to be cherished in a relationship, not ALWAYS be second best.

whatsyourgir Wed 27-May-15 20:21:28

whereismy have you met anyone better since your ex?

ProcrastinatingPat Wed 27-May-15 20:22:04

He is being loving etc etc because he wants a quiet life. As said before he likes u at the moment but doesn't see u as his future.

Anjou Wed 27-May-15 20:25:30

There is obviously a lot more to your relationship than just what you've written here but it sounds like, while he's happy to live with you, he would be happy to live without you too. Sorry.

Thisishowyoudisappear Wed 27-May-15 20:26:38

How about being single for a while? Get going with your new job, new place to live. More fun and relaxing than second-guessing your relationship.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Wed 27-May-15 20:29:18

I'd be moving for the new job on my own.

SolomanDaisy Wed 27-May-15 20:39:32

Why do you keep posting threads with the same question over and over again?

Momagain1 Wed 27-May-15 20:40:02

is this the same guy that wanted to store his stuff in the OPs flat the year he was gone?

If so, or if not, my answer is still: this guy doesn't want you in his future. He likes you well enough for now, and sees no reason to break up so long as you are willing to stay together. A nice change from the sort of guys who act like bigger and bigger jerks rather than just break up.

Get rid and get on with your degree program and planning your future. A guy that actually wants to take part in it will turn up.

wallaby73 Wed 27-May-15 20:45:28

Christ almighty. You get one life. He's wasting yours. Move on!! You've been offered a great new job and he won't relocate because of a minute increase on his commute? That alone........the rest is even worse. I despair, I really do. He's

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now