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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How would you feel about this man - would you stay?

48 replies

whatsyourgir · 27/05/2015 20:07

How would you feel if the following happened in your relationship, throughout 2.5 years:

You moved to live with your DP to take a job where he lived, and over a year later, you get a new job (much, much better one with a lot of extra pay), and your DP refuses to relocate because it would increase his commute to 45 minutes, up from 20 minutes, and he wouldn't be able to stay at the same gym as his friends?

You discuss buying a place with you DP, only to find out that he has booked house viewings behind your back, with the intention to buy alone?

You find that he spoke to friends/family about an overseas work opportunity, before speaking to you, on the basis that he 'didnt want to upset you until it happened.'

At all times, your DP was loving, cooked for you, cleaned the house willingly, paid for more than his share of everything, de-frosted your windscreeen each morning in winter on his way to work, bought you surprise gifts, went out wherever you fancied at the weekends, etc. Ie was in all other ways kind and considerate.

Would you stay?

OP posts:

Report

whatsyourgir · 27/05/2015 20:08

Oh and when confronted about the house buying, he said he was confused and was sorry.

OP posts:

confusedoflondon · 27/05/2015 20:10

This man loves you but doesn't forsee his future with you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2015 20:12

You've posted about him before haven't you

This is also the man who keeps putting his mother before you isn't it?.

How long before you realise that you are not onto a winner with this man?.

In answer to your last question, no I would not stay so why do you stay?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Fatstacks · 27/05/2015 20:12

Have you posted before about this?

Thisishowyoudisappear · 27/05/2015 20:12

I would talk to him about it. If that didn't help I'd leave. Life's too short.

Taghain · 27/05/2015 20:13

Like you say, he's kind & considerate, but my guess is that although he likes you he doesn't love you enough to see his long-term future with you

ALaughAMinute · 27/05/2015 20:13

It doesn't sound as if you can stay if he's buying a house on his own and/or is considering relocating.

As loving as he might be it doesn't sound as if he wants to make the relationship long-term.

Have you discussed it with him? What did he say?

fortunately · 27/05/2015 20:14

I find a decent rule of thumb is "if you aren't married, and don't have kids, and ever feel like posting a thread about him on the Relationships board of mumsnet, you should probably leave".

chocolatejunkie1 · 27/05/2015 20:14

You're just there till something better comes along. I'm sorry if that sound harsh but I wouldn't stay.

Wheelerdeeler · 27/05/2015 20:15

He wants a shag partner & nothing else.

Move on.

whatsyourgir · 27/05/2015 20:15

He says he loves me and of course he wants a future with me... and that he is sorry for what I have described in the OP.

He has since taken a year long job abroad.

OP posts:

Chchchchangeabout · 27/05/2015 20:16

I would be doing the same as him and keeping an eye out for a better option

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/05/2015 20:18

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Is he abroad now, or just about to leave?

SouthWestmom · 27/05/2015 20:19

He doesn't want to be on his own right now but is looking for things that would make being single okay for him- New house, exciting job. Letting you call the shots on the day to day stuff is what makes him feel better because he's looking into the future and you're not in it, so he feels a bit guilty.

confusedoflondon · 27/05/2015 20:19

Of course he wants a future with you - he's just disguising it dead well by doing the opposite of what you do when that's the case....

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 27/05/2015 20:20

No. I would not stay.

I speak from experience. My ex did love me. But not enough. He always put himself first. I want to be cherished in a relationship, not ALWAYS be second best.

whatsyourgir · 27/05/2015 20:21

whereismy have you met anyone better since your ex?

OP posts:

ProcrastinatingPat · 27/05/2015 20:22

He is being loving etc etc because he wants a quiet life. As said before he likes u at the moment but doesn't see u as his future.

Anjou · 27/05/2015 20:25

There is obviously a lot more to your relationship than just what you've written here but it sounds like, while he's happy to live with you, he would be happy to live without you too. Sorry.

Thisishowyoudisappear · 27/05/2015 20:26

How about being single for a while? Get going with your new job, new place to live. More fun and relaxing than second-guessing your relationship.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 27/05/2015 20:29

I'd be moving for the new job on my own.

SolomanDaisy · 27/05/2015 20:39

Why do you keep posting threads with the same question over and over again?

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Momagain1 · 27/05/2015 20:40

is this the same guy that wanted to store his stuff in the OPs flat the year he was gone?

If so, or if not, my answer is still: this guy doesn't want you in his future. He likes you well enough for now, and sees no reason to break up so long as you are willing to stay together. A nice change from the sort of guys who act like bigger and bigger jerks rather than just break up.

Get rid and get on with your degree program and planning your future. A guy that actually wants to take part in it will turn up.

wallaby73 · 27/05/2015 20:45

Christ almighty. You get one life. He's wasting yours. Move on!! You've been offered a great new job and he won't relocate because of a minute increase on his commute? That alone........the rest is even worse. I despair, I really do. He's sorry......so?

AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 20:48

you will get the same responses you got last time, love

stop being a mug

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