I am considering ending my relationship after 4 years. DP and I are supposed to be moving in together in July (with my 9-year-old DD) and I need to make a decision.
I want to give a lot of background so as not to drip feed so I apologise if it is long, I am going to try and bullet point as much as possible.
We met online. The relationship developed very slowly. He was quite reluctant to commit. For a long time, he would not leave OD and on a couple of occasions in the first 18 months I saw texts from other women which caused arguments.
For the first few years, everything would be fantastic for a while but whenever we argued or an issue arose we would split up. I could never get him to discuss anything. We would always continue to text and then get back together. I guess things were always largely on his terms.
The relationship became more serious when he had to start working away during the week about 18 months ago. Shortly before the stat of the contract, we argued again and decided we had to end it anyway as he was going to be away. We continued to stay in touch, decided we couldn’t live without each other (mutual) and we would make a proper go of it.
We planned to move intogether this summer
Last November, I fell pregnant. I would have kept the baby but he didn’t want to. He said he “wasn’t going there”. If I wanted to keep the baby, I would have had to do it on my own. We split again because I felt he wasn't supporting me.
I decided I didn’t want to do it on my own, so I had a termination. We stayed in contact and ended up getting back together after the abortion.
My family were against this and still are. They feel he has treated me badly over the years and the abortion was the last straw.
But I love him and I decided life is better with him. Things were pretty blissful for several months and we planned our future together. Recently, he has started a new job locally so is around a lot more. We are spending more time together than we ever have and I am wondering if this is just highlighting the fact that really we are not compatible.
I hate the way when he is at my house I have to pick up after him all the time. I hate how untidy and messy his place is.
He is out doing hobbies every night during the week so he comes to mine at 10pm most nights.
But the major thing is last week we had an argument, I told him I was concerned about some things relating to us moving in together and he completely closed up. He cannot communicate and always just says “i am not arguing”. We didn’t speak for days and even when we did see each other he wouldn’t discuss the original issue in depth. I apologised to try and open up the lines of communication and he closed the discussion.
I do love him but I don’t want to live like that. I feel like I have fought so hard over the years to keep us together, I am going against my parents who I love and I don’t want to give up on him now
Is there a way forward?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
re-thinking the future with him
CarryOnFighting · 06/05/2015 13:24
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