I'm not really sure if DPs behaviour this week has opened my eyes to his real personality or whether things are just getting on top of me.
Due to an accident, I've had severe back problems for more than a year now and this weekend we were supposed to be travelling 4 hours each way to visit DPs adult DD in order to give her a xmas present. I haven't been able to put any weight down on my leg for 4 days without suffering real bad spasms which render me completely immobile.
All week DP has been making comments about me "putting it on", "not wanting to go there anyway" etc. even telling my 13 yo DD that "he'd put money on it that I wouldn't go this weekend". He's treated my problem with complete oblivion and I've been putting on a face telling him I'd leave it to the last minute to decide if I could travel or not. The best of it is if this was a trip I'd organised to go away with friends, he'd have been telling me all week that I was stupid to go, that I'd mess up my Xmas, that I should get as much rest as possible etc.
Yesterday he came back from work to tell me he'd booked me a chiropractor appointment so I duly went. He gave me acupuncture and said I had an inflamed nerve at the base of my spine which should get better within a few days but that I should avoid vacuuming (easy), shopping and sitting for long periods. Now given that we were travelling 4 hours, staying in a hotel and planning to go Xmas shopping, I told DP it was insane for me to even try going and that he should go alone. The fact I can't walk played the biggest part!!
He's sulked all week but went alone on the basis his DD has commitments (a horse) so it was unfair to expect her to travel to us. He isn't going to give her a present as such, just money which could have been wired. My DD is away with friends - although she did say I should call her anytime if I wanted her home and she would ask her friends mum to bring her back. I've felt really low today, not just with the physical pain but being here on my own. I don't want to involve any of my friends as I feel that would be weak and I don't have any family apart from DD.
DP and I are planning to get married next year but this week has put a spotlight on his selfish and controlling behaviour. I hadn't noticed before that he always has some "better" way of doing everything - why do I make a dish this way, why not have a bath later in the evening, why watch a movie I've seen before, why, why, why …… not do it his way. He's also making my back problem all about him - how it's affecting his life, how we can't do anything together, how he can't plan anything, how he was really looking forward to this weekend.
He's been on the phone 3 times to say how guilty he feels about leaving me here on my own but he still went. Really, that's only part of the problem. He's detected in my voice that I'm not happy and the truth of it is that I've cried most of the day but am not sure if that's because I'm feeling really sorry for myself. I just want to tell him to fuck off but don't have the strength to do it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Am I over-thinking things? Or is instinct always right?
wonderingstar01 · 20/12/2014 16:22
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