Does anyone else find dating so wearing/difficult?

[vintagecrap]

I've online dated for a while but it seems to be getting worse and I feel like throwing in the towel.

In just a week, I have had :

someone I has been chatting to for two weeks and had a date lined up for Fri, pulled out. So disappointing.

I've had one where we chatted for a bit, he asked for my number and said he would phone to set something up. No phone call And vanished off the face of the earth.

I had one who messaged me saying he regretted not asking me out earlier in the year. I sent a reply. No further response.

One who I chatted with a few years back, again, said he really wanted to meet me. asked me if I wanted to make things interesting. I asked how and he said to go meet him now. I said I couldn't as I had no immediate babysitter but maybe we could another day. No response.

I've had one from real life who just kept saying how he kept imagining me naked.

and that's on top of all the weird messages.

I know in a way it's good. They are weeding themselves out. But it's so wearing. so time consuming, for what gain?

[ConfusedNC]

I know two people who did online dating. Both put lots of effort in to get through the rubbish ones and both now married to lovely men.

But even knowing this, as someone going through a divorce, I'm not sure I could do it. bit too rough a process when I've been through mill. Think it'd put me off men entirely. Having married a pyscho coping with more weirdos is more than I could cope with.

[ConfusedNC]

I'm going to be alone forever aren't I? Sigh.

[vintagecrap]

As am i. Ive been doing this YEARS. Ive also put in a ton of effort. And of course had periods of time where i didnt, or didnt do any dating at all. I think its more down to luck if you meet someone.

I dont know if its just me, or if its getting worse than it was few years ago,possibly because im now older. Or if im just meant to be on my own.

[Rebecca2014]

YES it is crap. I met up with one guy who couldn't wait get away from me, he was looking up train times and that went nowhere. I was talking to this other guy for over 3 hours on the phone and we were meant to meet up but he changed the time which really pissed me off so I cancelled, no idea if we meet up now.

I deleted my profile because I am not ready to start dating but from my short time on there talking to quite few guys it all seems a waste. You put effort into texting, talking to these guys and it seems to be for nothing. I been the one couple times to arrange a date and cancel so I suppose it does go both ways but...it is a jungle.

[Ragwort]

I couldn't put myself through it, it all seems so forced somehow - ie: you are meeting someone specifically with the idea of 'dating' (or in some people's eyes sex) without just developing a friendship.

I know that sounds really old fashioned - when I was newly divorced I met my second DH through a shared hobby (volunteering). I have a few friends who have tried internet dating and in all cases it was not a particularly nice experience, one eventually met her future DH through a drama society and the other was introduced via mutual friends. One of my DH's friends did get married by meeting someone on the internet but, IMO, it was a very cynical arrangement - she wanted a rich husband and he wanted a younger sexier wife. .

[DoIknowitschristmas]

It is certainly very time-consuming. I did it for a while and just logged in one evening a week as you could spend all your spare time chatting online and answering messages.

I have met up with plenty of guys resulting in two relationships so I do think it can work.

Having just finished with one, I am going to take a break from it for a while. However if I do end up going back online, I am expecting to see the same old faces!

I would much rather meet a man in real life but that is unlikely and the last man I met on a night out turned out to be married!

[vintagecrap]

I know a few cases where it has worked, ie, they are now living together, or married, or happily in a serious relationship. I know far more cases where people have the same sort of experience as me.

However, i dont ever get asked out in my day to day life. Ever. So i sort of feel like i have to be in it to win it, but then im not really winning anything.

[vintagecrap]

Talk about the same old faces, they are!! There are lots on there, with the same photos, and the same blurb, from when i first started, years ago.

Mind you, im still on there, on and off.

In maybe 5 years ( god, that is depressing) of online dating, ive had 2 fwb which lasted a few months. 3 things which lasted a month. 2 things which lasted 3.5/4 months. That is it. God knows how many first dates as i lost count at around the 90 ish mark. And then further to that, how many people cancelled or i cancelled on, or etc, etc, etc.

I know its said to be a numbers game, but i feel like ive gone through more men than most people do in their life.

Doiknow - i would far rather meet someone in real life too. It just doesnt happen.

[MadeMan]

Yeah I gave up on online dating; it was a waste of time.

[annielostit]

Being single is a pain. I found my husband, at the works xmas drinks. We didn't like each other at work, he said I was a stroppy bitch and he was the miserable bas†@%d from the warehouse. That was 2002.
Don't look, he'll turn up when your least expecting it.

[EssexInnit]

It worked for me! I only went on one date and two years later we're very happy. I suspect I fall into the category of 'very blooming lucky' though.

[vintagecrap]

One date?

that's just insane.

The differences in our experiences could not be more different.

I've also had plenty of times where I'm not looking. shall I tell you what happens. ... nothing. nothing at all. Not even a bit of flirting.

[TheCowThatLaughs]

From what I hear, it's hard work and you have to put a lot of time and effort in, but if you do, eventually you should find someone you like. I can't be arsed with it personally, but I'm happy being single so not a problem for me.

[JapaneseMargaret]

I don't think I could ever do it, as I'm just too think-skinned.

If DH ever carks it, I will just have to get a load of cats.

Having said that, I'm sure people do still meet and fall in love the old-fashioned way.

[ocelot7]

Agree with all of the above...RL would be better if only....except Essex it was knowing someone with yr experience that made me try it in the first place! 5 yrs later - one relationship of 1 month, one of 8....

[JapaneseMargaret]

*thin-skinned!

[SunshineAndShadows]

If OLD feels a but 'forced' why not try meet up groups to expand your range of hobbies and meet people in the flesh. It's a more natural way of getting to know people with similar interests. Also you'll make more friends and this expand your social circle generally

[DollyRocker1]

I've been online dating for a couple of months. Meeting man 8 tonight and have only had one disastrous date. I've met some nice guys, made one good friend, and most of them have paid for dinner/ drinks (I always offer to pay halves but most insist). I set aside time to message during my commute so I'm effectively just using 'dead' time.

What sites are you using? I'm on Eharmony, match and Soulmates. Find on match a lot of guys just want to spend the evening chatting away, which gets on my nerves.

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

OLD is hard work but I don't get the opportunities to meet men in RL. The people you meet from OLD are strangers, so after getting a date you have to put I time to find out who they are. If you do like someone you then wonder if they are still looking and chatting online. OLD makes it harder to trust and have faith in dating.
All the men in RL that approached me the last time I was single and under Twenty, were predatory weirdos. Now single at 33 its all about texting and OLD is a minefield.

[Jackiebrambles]

I did it for years too.

Sometimes it all got a bit too much and I had several breaks, stopping for a few months, changed sites etc. If it makes you feel weary, leave it for a bit. You’ve got to be in the right frame of mind.

I started in 2004 and met my now DH in 2009. I would say from it I had about 3 ‘flings’, lots of interesting nights out and one 3 month relationship. Then I met the man who is now my DH.

We’ve been married 2 years and have a son and another baby on the way.

At the same time as online dating I never refused a social invitation, even when I really couldn't be arsed. My plan was to try to widen my circle as much as possible. Doing that at the same time I actually got two further dates from 'real life'.

[ocelot7]

I have had maybe 25? first "dates" of which 3 led to anything....I do resent the time & effort that goes into it - & drive to work so no time there - & if the messaging gets too intense the hopes dashed too...
Dolly you are at the early hopeful stage yet & helps that you are younger I think...

[Walkacrossthesand]

Annie , the 'he'll turn up when you least expect it' line has been heard echoing down the years for those of us who've been single (and seemingly covered in man repellant, to pinch vintagecrap's wonderful line) and 'expecting nothing' for years. Along with 'you never know what's around the corner' - maybe not, but I have a pretty good guess! I tried OLD for a while but it didn't help at all - made it worse if anything, it's easier to live the single life without OLD-generated hopes that are disappointed.

[Waitingonasunnyday]

Never tried OLD but I think in general, there are not many decent single men around. In my social circle I know lots of lovely single women friends, but not any men. So I guess I am saying 'its not you' it is them.

[EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh]

If you live the sort of lifestyle when you meet new people regularly, maybe you will meet someone organically. But when you are a lone parent and your social life is tricky to organise so you save going out for meeting really special friends, rather than trawling bars etc for me to chat to; if you work in a female dominated profession, you don't meet men organically. For me I think it's OLD or nothing. And OLD is time consuming and boring. I've only had one real life date and that's after dabbling for a while, I can't be meeting new guys every week because babysitting is an issue.
Meh.

[NewEraNewMindset]

I was online dating for years, eventually met my DP and we now have a son and are very happy. Been together three years.

Things I learnt over the years I was on the various sites was;

A) avoid those who haven't ever had a long term relationship. They are either incapable/players/still live at home with their Mother

B) avoid those who seem to fill their spare time with sky diving and mad night outs with their football buddies. I just don't think those people have the time for a girlfriend and if you ever had kids with them they'd be out every weekend and you'd be at home sucking a wasp.

C) avoid those that want to meet straight away (sex) but also want to while away hours and hours texting or emailing (either married or no intention if ever meeting due to some 'issue'). Ideal time between talking and meeting is two weeks and in that time you want to have talked to them on the phone a couple of times. If they won't talk to you on the phone they are unlucky to actually meet you in person.

D) profile wise keep everything up to date. Don't put old, slim photos on there if youve gained a fair bit of weight for example. Nothing worse than a look of disappointment as they walk up to say hello. Keep the profile upbeat and witty, no negatives as it comes across all wrong online and you end up sounding bitter.

E) if you feel like the site is full of the same old faces zone in on the new sign ups. I found my DP as he was fresh on the site, one year out of a long term relationship and wanting to dip his toe back in. I pounced and the rest is history.