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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

The difference between a man being sweet and being a creep, possible red flags?

52 replies

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 20:22

Met a man online and had two daytime dates. My gut is telling me this man is trying way too hard. The kind of compliments I have had daily for two weeks in text are...your perfect, Your beautiful, I'm so privileged to of met you, Your so photogenic you could be a model, I want to make you happy, Missing you, thinking about you all the time.
We have had two dates totalling 7 hours.
I'm not bad looking but his comments are like he is using flattery for what reason? Saying I'm perfect when he doesn't really know me.
On our first date he said quite a few times "your so beautiful" kissed my hand, held my hand and I suppose I felt a little uncomfortable but I'm not naturally a touchy feely person and not use to a man giving me constant compliments.he is
Talking about future things we can do together. And the random messages like "your beautiful" feel like he's feeding them to me to keep me hooked.
I would love to believe that this man is head over heels for me but my sensible side says its all BS and he's probably got a few online women on the go with the sweet talk.
Anybody got any advice, experiences with this kind of ott flattery 24 hours?
Red flags?
If he's trying to get in my knickers he's putting alot of effort into it.

OP posts:

Report

minklundy · 09/12/2014 20:24

If its making you uncomfortable either tell him or move on...or both

mumteedum · 09/12/2014 20:25

Don't know about red flags but certainly I'd find it way ott and off putting. I'd bin him off and hope he's going to accept that. Sorry

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2014 20:26

creep or needy or both

I would run a mile

avocadogreen · 09/12/2014 20:26

Yeah, that would put me off. If you like him otherwise then I would just try and tell him, in a jokey way, to quit trying so hard!

why1989 · 09/12/2014 20:28

Weirdo!

MistAndAWeepingRain · 09/12/2014 20:30

It's OTT and a bit creepy.

He's making you uncomfortable and you've only been out twice!

Get rid.

Mummyoftwobeautifulpoppets · 09/12/2014 20:31

Would put me off too..big time!

dirtybadger · 09/12/2014 20:31

Tres creepy.

OydNeverDeclinesGin · 09/12/2014 20:32

Personally I could not be arsed with this level of flattery, it would be no third date for me.

Why is he so intense? Yeah, red flag I'd say. I once had a one nighters with someone a bit like this. Was great at the time, not so much three days later when he's knocking on my door at ten pm whilst ringing me! That was more than a bit scary!

superstarheartbreaker · 09/12/2014 20:33

The " your perfect" comments would ring immediate alarm bells. What he means is your perfect until me you show me that your real as opposed to a barbie doll then I will ramp up the criticism cynical

toldmywrath · 09/12/2014 20:34

If his texts actually use the word "your" instead of "you're" & he has used "of" instead of "have" that would be reason enough for me to bin him off.
It is OTT & strange.

DrElizabethPlimpton · 09/12/2014 20:34

He sounds weird.

A sensible man, even if he thought the things that this chap is saying, would realise that it is way too soon to vocalise these thoughts. He would realise that he would come across as a bit creepy.
He doesn't sound like a keeper to me.

FabULouse · 09/12/2014 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AWholeLottaNosy · 09/12/2014 20:36

He doesn't know you and he's telling you you're perfect? That's all kinds of wrong. I'd cut contact with someone who was so keen so soon. Can't even articulate why but my spidey senses are tingling...

Meerka · 09/12/2014 20:39

You're perfect? after 7 hours?

he doesn't even know you.

His judgement is way off. Not that you're not perfect but in how he's approaching this.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 20:41

Have sent the man a text asking out right if he's a player because he's being way too free with compliments and I suspect he's got a few other women is drowning with his "your beautiful" Could be a Model.

OP posts:

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 20:49

I know I'm not perfect and would in time burst his bubble. He's only been single 6 months, 2 ex with kids in last six years.
My exh never in 12yrs told me I was beautiful.

OP posts:

PlantsAndFlowers · 09/12/2014 20:52

Why do you care if he's a player or not? It's like the only reason you don't like it is because it might mean he's got others on the go?

I suspect he's not a player cos in my experience men who are players are charming, and this guy isn't charming - he is just doing the kind of thing he thinks charming men do.

Meerka · 09/12/2014 20:58

Oh dear. I think his flattery has slid under your defenses .... but he doesn't sound genuine at all.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 21:12

Normally I would talk to my mum but she's got alot going on with my dad being ill, I know its a trivial thing to ask advice on.
Just wanted to see if I was right to think it not normal after a date.

OP posts:

trackrBird · 09/12/2014 21:19

He's overdoing it. He is focusing too much on how you look, and how perfect you are, when he doesn't know you from Adam.
He probably thinks the hand kissing is romantic, or that you'll be captivated by it or something.
You are Fantasy Woman to him.

bonzo77 · 09/12/2014 21:34

run. weirdo (him, not you). I'm sure you are lovely, but that's a bit too much.

I had a rebound thing with someone like this. He kept up the sickly weirdness for 3 months. I stuck with it because he really was the most amazing shag. But he was also very very needy and totally pathetic. When I finished it he tried to stalk me. Luckily we lived a long way apart, and I warned him I'd get the police involved at the first sign of any nonsense. He Had such a gambling problem that he had his wages paid into his mum's bank account who then paid for everything he needed out of that, and gave him just enough for food / travel. Which meant we couldn't really go out anywhere. Hence the shagging. God, he was just the most amazing shag though.

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Wotsitsareafterme · 09/12/2014 21:38

My dp over flattered me when I met him but not the hand kissing! Yurk. Now we have been together 6 months he's comfortable and doesn't do it much now

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 21:39

God knows why I keep getting the weird men. I told him he's just too much and he's suddenly got nothing to say.

OP posts:

GoatsDoRoam · 09/12/2014 21:42

It's too intense, too OTT. You are certainly not perfect (no-one is), and him discussing the future with you when you've seen him in total for a handful of hours means he is an utter fantasist, at best. NOT stable relationship material.

Listen to your gut. You feel uncomfortable. Ergo this is not the right relationship for you.

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