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Online dating, is it alway this hard?

(18 Posts)
ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 14:07:49

I was dumped a while ago and thought I would give OD a try. So far, I have been on three dates with one guy who just suddenly started ignoring me. I then got chatting to another guy, we were texting and chatting in the phone for about two weeks and then met on Tuesday. The date went well as far as I was concerned and we has a snog. However, the more I think about it, the more I think that maybe he isn't actually that keen. His texts (instigated by me) have been friendly but when I said I wouldn't mind meeting up again, it was ignored.

He hasn't text today but he is on a 6-6pm shift. I know he's at work but my way of thinking is a text takes 10 seconds and if you were keen you'd bother.

In the past, when I've been asked on a second date, the guy has usually asked either at the end of the first date or called/texted the next day. I am pretty sure he's not interested but would like to know for certain without seeming like I'm harassing him.

I am not planning on texting today but do you reckon I should get in touch in a day or two if I have heard nothing or leave it? I bloody hate dating hmm

Fragglewump Thu 20-Nov-14 14:14:34

Don't contact him again op - you told him you were interested and he ignored it. Sounds like he's too polite to tell you he's not interested. Spineless but nicer than some online daters. I think that the trouble with online dating is that some people on it are professional daters - who move from one person to the next - and others are single for very good reasons!!! But you can unearth the occasional gem - a nice person who happens to be single at the same time as you. It's how I met my dh nearly 10 years ago! Unfortunately I think you need to be feeling pretty resilient to enjoy online dating rather than feel disillusioned by the nutters. But I think there's a dating thread on here where single ladies give each other great advice. Good luck op.

BabyLove00 Thu 20-Nov-14 14:18:28

Don't bother getting in touch unless he does. You make a good point when you say "...if you were keen you'd bother"

Online dating can be a complete pain in the arse, but that principle - that he'd make the effort if he wanted to - is the same with any kind of dating... if he thinks you're worth it, he'll contact you. Don't force it.

In my single days I used online dating either as a distraction from feeling crap when relationships had ended or a bit of lighthearted fun. Not saying it can't be more than that, but I definitely wouldn't be going into it expecting marriage. Keep things casual and expect them to put in some of the leg work too. If they don't, you'll know it wasn't meant to be.

In your shoes I would completely write off this bloke and move on.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 14:22:31

My fingers are absolutely itching to send a text but I know if I do and I don't get a response then I will feel even worse hmm People are spineless, when I said I was up for meeting again he had the perfect opportunity to say he wasn't interested. I would have been gutted but at least I would have known where I stood.

CheersMedea Thu 20-Nov-14 14:24:57

His texts (instigated by me) have been friendly but when I said I wouldn't mind meeting up again, it was ignored.

He's not interested. Just leave it.

You are humiliating yourself if you keep text-pestering. It makes you look desperate I'm afraid.

There is a basic truth in the proposition that if someone (anyone - friend, mother, date, potential bf) wants to see you, they will get in touch and ask to see you. You've made the offer, shown you are interested.

Just stop now.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 14:27:22

Exactly Cheers. I feel I have laid my cards on the table and that's why I won't be texting again even though I'm dying too grin

Fragglewump Thu 20-Nov-14 14:29:31

Go and do something else - distract yourself or log in and find someone else to meet up with. You're right you will feel worse when you text and he doesn't ask you out. Hide your phone and don't touch it if you have a drink tonight (dangerous for sending texts)

Blossomflowers Thu 20-Nov-14 14:30:25

scrambled come and join us on the dating thread.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 14:32:16

Will do Blossom. Where is it?

Good news, another chap sucker is currently texting me and we are arranging a date for next week. Onwards and upwards grin

BabyLove00 Thu 20-Nov-14 14:34:36

Are you new to the dating scene? How long were you with your ex? I have a feeling you'll become a lot more resilient to all this over time. You might even find yourself thinking "jeez, why does he keep texting me? - I haven't replied but he doesn't seem to be taking the hint" - sounds harsh, but I'd be lying if I said I'd never done what he's done - too much of a coward to say "not interested" so leave it to them to work it out for themselves. I left early from a first date once after he told me where we'd live when we got married and the bloke was still texting a few weeks later even after I'd told him I'd met someone else. I have also been the one wanting to send the texts though, so I do know how it feels from both sides. You just need to suck it up and move on.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 14:39:03

I was with my ex for 16 months. I am new this time round but have used OD before, successfully in fact, I was with someone for 8 months. I am well aware you have to have a very thick skin but it doesn't stop it being hard when someone just starts ignoring you!

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 15:03:45

Bump. Need more sympathy please hmm

Blossomflowers Thu 20-Nov-14 15:42:54

Just look for dating 83.

BabyLove00 Thu 20-Nov-14 16:03:07

Nah! You don't need sympathy - you need to get a grip ;) Don't be the needy over-texter. Get straight back online and find someone more worthy of your attention. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. This bloke clearly isn't worth the effort. Find someone who is. You'll be fine. xxx

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 17:37:56

I did try looking Blossom. Is it under a main heading?

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 17:38:38

Oh and I have been very good. No texts today, my fingers are itching but I have resisted grin

MadeMan Thu 20-Nov-14 17:46:16

Dating 83 thread

Definitely don't text him; nobody (men or women) should chase after uninterested people.

SaucyJack Thu 20-Nov-14 17:50:36

He's Just Not That Into You mate.

Delete his number pronto.

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