"DP" and I had a big argument Saturday night. He was out doing something that ran over and we were supposed to be going out after for a night out as we haven't been out together in ages but as time went on it became apparent that he wasn't going to be back in time and I was dressed up with nowhere to go. It wasn't his fault as it was beyond his control and he did try to keep me posted on what was going on where he was as much as possible, but was another example of why I feel I come last in his life. I have had an awful time due to various health things over recent months and needed this night out as a way of feeling normal again I guess. I was out of order, told him I was fed up with being put last most of the time and made him feel bad when the thing he was doing was scheduled before we planned our night out anyway. I guess neither of us realised it would go on for so long.
We went to bed and I had been crying and upset which I seem to be a lot lately. He woke me up at about 4am taking my knickers off which he sometimes does and which normally I enjoy. But this time was different. He was so angry with me and kept saying he was going to shut me up for having a go at him earlier. He put my legs up which really hurt and I told him it was hurting me but he said he didn't care and carried on. I didn't tell him to stop, just to let me put my legs down but he didn't care that he hurt me.
The next day I was so upset and told him I felt he should never bring an argument into the bedroom. His response was that I sometimes like it rough, which is true, but this time felt different because he was so angry at me and it wasn't enjoyable. He never said sorry. I asked him how he would feel if one of his daughters had this done to her by a boyfriend but apparently this is irrelevant and I am being ridiculous to say that.
So there is no way back now. He has crossed the line and I feel empty and sad that he could do this with no sorrow or regret whatsoever. And I am going to have to end it otherwise I am giving him permission to treat me like this again. But I am going to be so lonely as I have based my life over the past 2 years around him and his children whom I love as much as I do my own.
Not told anyone in RL but it feels cathartic to get it out on here
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There really is no going back from this is there?
scaredandangry · 28/03/2014 20:54
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