Well I didn’t think I’d find myself posting in Relationships, but I just don’t know what to do about this and need some input. Sorry if it is long. I think it will be.
(FYI I am a regular but have NCed: Brian from Hull, naice minge, Gluezilla etc)
I have a half sister who is about 15 years older than me. She is the only child of my Dad’s first marriage. I am the only child of my parents’ marriage (parents are still together and are in their 60s). Sister was taken to a very far away country to live shortly after her mum and my dad divorced. She would have been about 7/8 at the time, I think. She has spent her whole life there since, and was estranged from Dad for quite a long time, until I was about 15 I think. She got back in contact with him and they have been rebuilding their relationship.
Here is the part I still struggle to get my head around: Dad, Mum and all the family on both sides concealed the fact he’d been married and had another child from me. They even went as far as lying about who she was when I met her at a family wedding when I was very young. It remained a secret until I was 17 and all was revealed in a grand TADAAA! moment. Needless to say this has profoundly affected my relationship with and opinion of Dad and his family in particular. I want nothing to do with his family (most of them are dead now anyway).
My sister, on the other hand, has known about me since I was born and desperately wants a sibling relationship with me. We have met a couple of times. I have been to visit her twice, once with mum and dad and once by myself, and we email or FB message each other infrequently. I am just about comfortable with that level of contact. Every now and then she gets very overwrought and sends me a very emotional email about how she wants to be a proper sister to me and how she’s loved me since I was born and all the rest of it.
I end up feeling awful for her that she didn’t get to grow up with her parents together or with me in her life (there’s a big wealth disparity between her upbringing and mine too), and not wanting to add more emotional crap to her life, but simultaneously angry about the deception all over again and angry about feeling forced into a relationship that I’m not sure I want. She’s a nice person, but we don’t share any memories or history together as siblings normally would. She wants an intensity of relationship that I don’t think I can handle. I have just never had the mental space in my life for a sibling - I always thought I was an only child. My father obviously wants us to have a relationship too.
I got one of these emails this week, written in the middle of the night her time. Maybe I’m a complete bitch, but I am just so angry at being put in this position over and over again. I want to tell her how I feel but I am worried about hurting her and worried about whether anything I say to her will just go straight to my father and whether I’ll get a massive guilt trip from him too. It is made more difficult by the fact I have moved back in with my parents atm while I am looking for a job.
What can I do? I feel as though I’m expected to put up and shut up for the sake of not rocking the boat for everyone else. But why can't my feelings be important for once?
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Relationships
Don't know what to do about relationship with half-sibling
MmeDubonnet · 07/02/2014 12:24
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