We have been together for over a decade, married for a short while, he has been really badly behaved in the past and over time I have just lost the will to try to keep this going.
His behaviour has at times been really aggressive, he can be really spiteful if we argue although that isn't very often nowadays.
I know that he has been unfaithful in the past although not for a long time as far as I can work out.
I think the biggest thing though, is that we are just too different. He is so negative about people, life in general, I try to be positive as much as I can. I hate going out with him, he gets incredibly drunk and can then be very nasty, I'm a happy drinker and I never get so ratted that I can't speak without slurring. People have commented (ie friends and family) before about his behaviour when drunk. Some of his friends only came to our wedding for an hour or because of his behaviour on a lads trip.
He doesn't like my friends and I don't really like his. Just nothing in common I think.
I am going through a pretty stressful time workwise at the moment and I think it has just cemented in my mind that I don't have the headspace to try to make this work anymore.
I have to go away for work quite a lot and the last time I had such a brilliant time because I could just be me. At home I have to be a completely different person.
I recently met someone and I am hugely attracted to them, I don't think I would be if things were as they should be at home.
The kicker is that after years of him being a git he is all of a sudden being very loving / clingy. Wants to cuddle, tells me he loves me all the time. I just find it suffocating. I don't want to have sex with him, I don't want him to cuddle me.
It's awful because I know I'm probably making him feel crap and I don't want to hurt anyone. I do try to be kind to people as far as I can.
So, how do I tell him? I know he will be devastated, he will quite possibly become very angry and that worries me too.
I just don't even know how to start a conversation.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How do you tell your spouse it's over?
abitwrong123 · 23/01/2014 17:15
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