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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I dont whats wrong. I think he hates me

42 replies

Crown23 · 26/12/2013 13:31

Im turning 28. My husband's 31. We had been dating for 7 years before we got married in 2011. I have a 9 month old son. I live wth my in laws. We dt have any financial problems. The only thing is my husband does not spends time at home. He is always out drinking. He cares for me..thats wht I feel sometimes..but at times I feel he hates me.. he even hits me sometime. I have always forgived him. But nowdays I can't take the arguments anymore. Ive even thought of suicide. But I think of my precious son then and try to make things out wth my husband. He still lies bout his wherebouts. He hides alot of things from me. Whnever I ask him out he lies he has work and he will come home late and drunk. I dont knw whr he goes or wht he does. I blindly trust him.Today I confronted him bout hus wherebouts kn xmas eve. And he got angry. He uses alot of vulgariry wth me. He tells me if im not happy, jst f* off. I feel so hurt... he even threw our pre wedding pics frame to the floor..the mirror pieces ws everywhr even in the babys crib. Yet I tried speaking to him..I told him to come up for a while so tt I cab speak to him..he shouted at me in front of his bro in law who is visitin from london. He said dt iiritate me..jst go to ur room. Im so heart broken. I dt knw why he is like ths..I dt knw hw to handle ths anymore..someone pls help me out.. I have no one to talk to

OP posts:

Report

colditz · 26/12/2013 13:33

Leave him. He's nasty, violent and probably cheating on you. Google women's aid, ring them, and take their advice.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/12/2013 13:35

How quickly can you get out of there? Have you got anywhere to go? Family, friends?

Call Women's Aid today and make your escape ASAP.

Crown23 · 26/12/2013 13:44

I have friends and relatives here. I am a working women. I go to work from mon to fri. I dono whether I still love him..I dont knw why im so weak..

OP posts:

Crown23 · 26/12/2013 13:46

My mom passed away from parkinsons 5 years ago. My dad and brothers are there at my hometown. I jst need to call them. But im afraid im not ready to leave him.

OP posts:

HorsePetal · 26/12/2013 13:49

He will never ever change. Ever. So don't even try. Stop trying to make him love you, he never will.

He is a violent, abusive, hateful human being. You and your son are at risk.

Report his assaults to the police (however long ago it occurred), get it on record (one day in the future you will be really glad that you did this)

Do you have family or friends you could go to? Get out now - this afternoon.

Pack your things and go and never go back.

Rachelx92 · 26/12/2013 13:52

Leave him it's not fair for your child to grow up in such a negative environment around his monster of a dad. He has no right to put his hands on you get out asap for yours and your child's benefit

HorsePetal · 26/12/2013 13:54

You don't know whether you still love him? Well you do realise don't you that he doesn't love you? He probably hates you. It's a very hard thing to accept but I'm afraid it's the truth.

Nothing you have done wrong of course - you can't make this better. He will never change.

Walk away now and start to rebuild your life. You are a lot stronger than you think you are but he has destroyed your self esteem. You need to get far away, protect your son and start to rebuild your life.

Crown23 · 26/12/2013 13:57

I have told my dad in law and he came up to my room and he saw the mess.. all he said ws he will talk to him and my MIL asked me if I said anythng to my husband.

The issue is I dt knw whr to start from. He even had hit my whn I ws 7 months pregnant and whn I ws in my confinement. Yet I didnt leave him. I cool down fast n will try to work things out. I cnt get myself to hate him and try to think of the times he ws nice to me.

If Ieave, who will look after my baby. I am earning 4 k per month. Is that enough? To pay bills n all.. I. Worried of my baby.

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Crown23 · 26/12/2013 14:01

He has gone out now. Im so worried what will happen tomorow. My in laws will not allow me to leave. N I cnt go wthout my son. Hes my everythng.

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Vivacia · 26/12/2013 14:07

What country are you in? What country are you from and where are your husband's family from?

Crown23 · 26/12/2013 14:10

Im from malaysia. We are all locally from here

OP posts:

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 14:15

So you're from Malaysia. Are you in England? Is your husband's family from England?

What I'm getting at is that if you're in England, your husband's family can't stop you from leaving and they can't stop you from taking your baby with you.

AwfulMaureen · 26/12/2013 14:19

Crown You have enough money per month to live on without him...is the 4k your own earnings?

If you call www.womensaid.org.uk/ they will get you and your baby to a secret and safe place....without your husband knowing or your inlawas. They will help you get a house too....

HorsePetal · 26/12/2013 14:20

What do you mean when you say that your inlaws won't let you leave?

Do they physically try to prevent you?

AwfulMaureen · 26/12/2013 14:22

Even if they do not physically stop you leaving, they are NOT ALLOWED BY LAW to threaten or frighten you....nor is your husband...you and the baby will be safe and looked after if you call womens aid and tell them all.

AwfulMaureen · 26/12/2013 14:23

You don't need to worry about who will look after the baby....you will be helped.

SoldeInvierno · 26/12/2013 14:57

You need to leave! Are you in UK? No one can stop you. They have no rights over you

colditz · 26/12/2013 17:41

Where do you live?

cardiandcrocs · 26/12/2013 18:44

I do hope you come back.
We all want to help you x

Lavenderhoney · 26/12/2013 19:12

Where are you? What do you mean, they won't let you leave? Are they doing childcare?

If they won't let you leave with the baby, even for a walk and I strongly suggest you do just that with your handbag only if necessary straight to the police station.

The other option is to call the police and get them to come and get you. Tell them you aren't allowed to leave with your baby. Call 999 - if my dh broke a mirror round my baby I would do just that. Marriage isn't a life sentence if its shit. Its a contract that can be broken.

You don't have to be british to get help in this country. And you most certainly don't have to go back. Keep posting op, you'll get lots of support:)

HorsePetal · 26/12/2013 22:37

Please come back OP. Can you confirm that you are based in the UK. Where in the UK?

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/12/2013 23:13

If you are in the UK you can leave and no one can stop you. And yez, 4K a month is LOADS!

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Crown23 · 27/12/2013 00:54

No dear all. Im based in Malaysia. I am from Malaysia.. I work for HP. Im at office now. And my baby is at home. My husband ws stil asleep when I left. I dont knw wht sort of drama is gona emerge today.

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Crown23 · 27/12/2013 00:57

I dont think my country has the aid like yours.

OP posts:

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 27/12/2013 01:13

Oh dear, sounds awful.

Women's aid is a uk charity so you/ we need to look for another one in your country. Do you know the law in Malaysia? And whether the police can/ will help you.

Can you escape and will your family help you?

And sorry last question... 4K in what currency?

Flip

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