i have been living with "trust issues" in our marriage for 10 years, since my middle DS was a baby. Discovered DH had arranged to go out on a date with an old flame when she texted to say she "fancied the pants" off him. He has also signed up to dating websites, set up a secret email account and contacted a work contact on FB to tell her she looked gorgeous. She responded that she was "resisting the temptation" to see him again. He has history of emailing work colleagues flirtatiously. Over past year, he has become increasingly controlling and bullying, often reducing me to tears. At Xmas he announced he was about to get up to 12 points on driving licence and tried to persuade me to take 3 points for him. About 2 months ago I found we were heavily in debt, despite receiving an inheritance from my gran a year ago. He controlled finances and,although I could be more frugal, I believe he has issues with uncontrolled spending (obsessed with expensive watches). 2 weeks ago, having had 9 jobs in 11 years, he announced he had been sacked for obtaining receptionists mobile no. off database and sending personal texts. She also said he hangs around reception commenting on her looks and asking if she will miss him. Company may not give him a reference. To sum up, we are in a financial mess and because he has no job , may lose house. 3DS, aged 11, 9 and 5. We haven't had heating on for months, because I budgeted tightly to try to reduce debt, but now situation is hopeless. I have tried to leave him, but miss and love him. He is distraught and says he wants his family back. My heart is breaking. Can my marriage be saved?
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Your life can be so much better than this and you deserve it to be.
He sounds almost identical to one of my (ex) male friends who was and sadly still is a serial cheater (hence the ex). His view on life was if he got found out then never mind at least he had 'options' and had fun along the way (disgusting attitude). He had/has no self control over himself or his money. Also has a strange obsession with expensive watches. He would buy them to impress and use them as a talking point to get where he wanted. He does all of this but behind his wife's back who has questioned him a few times and had the 'if your cheating on me I'm leaving' conversation. He cooled it off for a while if she begins to suspect and does nice things for her, spends time with the family etc until she is happy again. He just says things like why would he risk his beautiful family and she's being silly and they'll do something she wants to make her feel better
.
The way he does it, he never sees the same person a few times over. He dips in and out so to speak. He makes it known he's available but that there is no commitment. He's more of an opportunist, if he knows he's going out he'll let it be known where and when he's going and suggest they might like to 'catch up'. It's of course always plutonic (not, never in fact!)
His phone is attached to his side, he deletes all his texts and emails and is very careful to not text anything that couldn't be turned around into something less significant. He clears it out and then lets his wife use it immediately afterwards to put her off the scent. If he gets a suspect FB (a lot of female friends!) post or message he just says he can't control what others put and starts the whole but why would I risk everything crap.
He uses cash and blames his over expenditure on his inability to manage money. He showers when he comes in from a night out. He blames being a little later than normal on stumbling about drunk. He does 'overtime' at work, its sometimes overtime, sometimes not. Then uses it as an excuse to need a day away/night out 'but I work hard'. He doesn't do this all the time because that would be 'taking the piss'.
I could go on forever but basically yes your deluding yourself!
he basically got fired from his work for sexual harassment- which is illegal. Is that what you want to be married and to live to...what would you do if one of you children got fired for the same reason and acted like this with their family?
please leave him. I bet he is just harrassing that poor lady either is he?
You are in a horrible situatiom Op and you need to leave this scumbag who thinks with his cock because it is affecting you children.
How is your dp who you will miss and love so much at home with the dc? What is he like with you?
Please leave him, if not it will get worse by him dragging you down and you have the support of your friend and family to leave him and you sound nice and caring, just that he saw you were vunrable and im guessing he is emotionall abusive (ring womans aid) at least and at first was sweet and promised you everything to sucker you in.
Either way he is still an utter twat faced pervert and you do deserve everything. Not him.
and 
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