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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Vanilla

36 replies

FlatsInDagenham · 14/05/2013 17:50

I like sex. A lot. But I like it straight. I don't find that boring. If I try to be more experimental, I don't feel as turned on. In fact, I find the idea of a lot of extra stuff - like role play, s&m, anal - a total turn off.

My favourite position is missionary, although I do like some other positions (all within the vanilla spectrum).I need to be comfortable and relaxed in order to orgasm. And I do orgasm every time, and it doesn't take me very long to get there. I really do love sex this way.

My question is twofold:

Am I the only one? I see some threads on here and it makes me wonder. If you're vanilla and proud, please tell me.

DH and I have talked about this and he says he is perfectly happy. He certainly seems to enjoy it as much as I do and he never suggests anything out of our usual repetoire. Should I trust that he really is ok with this? Again, I read threads on here and I wonder if DH has stuff he fantasises about but won't tell me because he knows what I like. I'm not bored but I worry that he could get bored.

OP posts:

Report

twojumpingbeans · 14/05/2013 17:58

Crikey love, it's only Tuesday. Steady on.

FlatsInDagenham · 14/05/2013 18:01

I posted in Relationships because I am actually asking a relationship question - this isn't supposed to be a Friday night bumsex thread in chat!

OP posts:

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 14/05/2013 18:06

twojumping

Sorry, not helpful.

I don't mind trying different things now and then but my DP is vanilla (I always tell him too) so we mostly stick to good vanilla sex. Nowt wrong with that. Far too tired for whips and chocolate body paint anyway

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 14/05/2013 18:08

You are not alone! I like plenty of sex but I'm very vanilla. I'm happy to be done within 15 minutes and the thought of all night sessions/dressing up/fetish/etc leaves me completely cold. I will admit to liking bumsex but I can go a long time (year or more) between doing it and that's fine.

MirandaWest · 14/05/2013 18:08

I'm like you as is my DP. I possibly have slight leanings towards a bit of consideration of anal sex but that is as far as it goes. I'm sure that your DH is happy too.
I think there is a bit of a fashion for being non-vanilla at the moment but think more people are than aren't iyswim.

Boosterseat · 14/05/2013 18:10

My DH is pretty vanilla, he is a very enthusiastic participant and likes to ahem...get the job done but his tastes are pretty tame.

Don't let the relationships board form a perception of how YOUR man likes sex, everyone is different and tastes can change over time - keep communication open and keep enjoying sex.

Just because you're not swinging from the chandeliers does not mean you're boring. Comfortable,trusting passionate sex with someone you love the best there is IMO.

For what it's worth, I was more the wild one when we got together but my tastes have adapted over the years and I've calmed down...a bit

Dahlen · 14/05/2013 18:12

I don't think it's that unusual at all TBH.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' or 'ideal' when it comes to sex as long as it involves consenting adults. However, all too often (at least in the Relationships topic on here ) when we read suggestions to try anal, role play or a bit of light bondage, it's in response to a question about how to improve a 'boring' sex life. When you look a bit deeper it usually transpires that what the poster really wants is not a 'spicier' sex life but a partner who actually notices her and makes her feel desirable before they even make it as far as taking each other's clothes off. 90% of good sex is in the head IMO.

twojumpingbeans · 14/05/2013 18:12

I know it wasn't helpful - sorry! I couldn't help myself.

We never seem to find time to do the old 'in-out'
so I'm actually quite jealous of your problem. As long as you're both happy and able to talk about it I think you have nothing to worry about.

venusandmars · 14/05/2013 18:14

Me too - enjoy the limited vanilla range, and both of us very contented, close and happy.

My friend age 53 has been having an ongoing relationship where her partner takes viagra and they are literally at it all night. She says she orgasms 5 or 6 times. Me? I'd rather have a comfortable 15 minutes with the 99.9% certainty of a good and simultaneous outcome. Followed by 8 hours blissful sleep

BoundandRebound · 14/05/2013 18:15

The point about sex is if you're both happy you're clearly doing it right and so what if the next person along is yodelling whilst hanging off the rafters in a two piece bikini with a banana - well you get what I mean?

Ignore the word vanilla which does seem to have negative connotations and focus on the fact you really love and enjoy sex with your husband who also enjoys it . Sounds like a win to me

SundaysGirl · 14/05/2013 19:15

Yep its about what you both enjoy. I agree the word 'vanilla' has started to get negative connotations in some circles.

Personally I'm not at all vanilla but I would never criticise someone who preferred sex that way. So long as both parties are happy and compatible then its all good!

Lowry · 14/05/2013 19:21

I'm a fan of good old vanilla.
We've tried tying up....ended up laughing. Tried anal.....felt like i'd shit meself! Tried a bit of domination.......again hysterics.
You can't say we've not tried!!
I like different positions and different places ie in the garden, car etc but i don't suppose that's particularly outrageous.
Vanilla all the way for me and DH.

LadyVJJ · 14/05/2013 19:27

Lowry, that's hilarious! Totally agree with you there!

Nowt wrong with vanilla if your dh/dp know what they're doing!

Offred · 14/05/2013 19:51

I like vanilla but also stuff a little beyond vanilla. Vanilla all the time bores me and I feel unsatisfied. But good lord of course a LOT of people love vanilla and are completely satisfied with it and a bit weirded out by anything even slightly out of routine. I agree not to let relationships make you weirded out.

Lowry · 14/05/2013 20:02

I forgot something, may be very significant!
Years ago we went to a fancy dress party, i was a camembert, DH was a brie and DS's were all babybel cheeses! (spent whole night explaining what we were.....all homemade outfits)
Anyway, after party , DH and I (tried to) DTD.......does that make us cheese fetishists?! (in which case we're not vanilla!!)

Skinnywhippet · 14/05/2013 20:04

Very vanilla. OP gets a bit embarrass when talking about what he likes! Recently introduced vibes into mutual foreplay and he seems to like that.

FlatsInDagenham · 14/05/2013 20:07

Ooh Lowry ... Camembert and Brie? That's got to qualify as role playing surely? Pure filth!

OP posts:

monkeyfacegrace · 14/05/2013 20:08

Mm. Dh is vanilla. His woman count is in the hundreds, and quite honestly I think he has been there, done that.

Im the other way. The more outrageous the better.

Except bumsex. That hurts and feels like Im doing a big shit. Unless Im morbidly drunk its a no-go.

FlatsInDagenham · 14/05/2013 20:09

Skinny we don't even use any vibrators (although we have in the past). Must admit I would try that again.

What's a good website for buying vibrators?

OP posts:

Offred · 14/05/2013 20:11

Monkeyfacegrace - I remember you only do bum sex when plastered, we virtually never cross paths on MN, you must bang on about it all the time!

Lowry · 14/05/2013 20:12

FlatsInDagenham I know! We're insatiable!
Can't wait for next fancy dress, i'm thinking "assorted crumpets"!!

Skinnywhippet · 14/05/2013 20:25

Love honey maybe? The wands that you can mains charge look good, but £50!!

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monkeyfacegrace · 14/05/2013 20:51

@ offred. I rarely mention it. fucking stalker

Vivacia · 14/05/2013 20:55

The phrase "the old 'in-out'" makes me shudder.

Offred · 14/05/2013 20:58

Ha ha ha! You bang on about it all the time! You must do! I've had periods of absence don't you know and here you are banging on about bum sex again!

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