I have name-changed.
Not sure whether this is the best place for this as it relates to a teen but here goes.
Backstory - DT2 (aged 17) has been seeing her boyfriend for almost 6 months now. He is a few months younger than her so is still 16 (turns 17 in summer).
He is a really lovely lovely boy. He lost his dad when he was younger in very traumatic circumstances and has been living with his mum, stepdad and younger sister aged 13.
Over the past few months he has been spending more and more time at our house and staying over. This hasn't been a problem at all, they are very close but very sensible and each ensure that they have their 'breaks' from each other etc. It's an absolute pleasure to have him.
It has recently been apparent that things have not been very good for him at home at all. His relationship with his mum has pretty much broken down. She is pretty vile to him and the stepdad seems to encourage this. Lots of shouting, swearing, blaming him for everything that has happened in her life. The very first time I met them (popped round for a coffee) they both spent their entire time telling me what a disappointment he was.
Well it has all come to a head and as from today he has now moved in with us.
I don't really know why I am posting this or what it is I need to ask I suppose but I just need to chat this through. I feel utterly heartbroken on his behalf but right now we need to focus on making him feel welcome and settled here.
I do have some questions:
Legally, where do we all stand? He's 16. What if his parents insist he returns home? What if he doesn't want to? Could myself or my husband get into trouble? Can they make him return home?
He has been skipping a lot of time at college recently and is on a last warning there for poor attendance (he is a very bright boy but I'm not in the least bit surprised that he has been skipping lectures given what he is going through) but college have absolutely no idea of his difficult personal circumstances. I want to contact them, explain to them that from now on we will be making sure that he attends everyday. But I think they need to know what he is going through so that he can get some support. Some understanding and mentoring. Who will attend his parents evenings with him now? Help him with University applications? We are willing to do it (very willing) but do we have this right?
Financially - we now have an extra mouth to feed. It's ok and I think we will manage. But is he entitled to some form of financial support? His college bus fare has to be paid in advance. We will pay this if we have to but it's going to be tight. He works long hours at Macdonalds, so does have some money coming in but I really don't think that a 16 year old should have to take responsibility for himself financially. Plus with A2's coming up and end of year exams, he could do with cutting back his work hours.
He has been left in the past to make his own doctors appointments, travel arrangements etc
I just need someone to point me in the right direction, to help him settle in, to make sure he's ok and that we haven't forgotten anything.
I'm trying to think of all the things we naturally do for our own children as this will help me to try and figure out what we need to do for him.
I feel so sad and angry on his behalf.
Sorry, this is long. Thanks for getting this far!
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Relationships
I really need some advice please
MrsMeg · 28/04/2013 20:23
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