Hi, have posted several times in relationships about my DH. Long story short: he revealed on DS1's 5th birthday that he no longer loves me and wants out of our marriage. On further probing, he revealed he has had a 'spark' with someone at work and realises how much we don't love each other anymore. It's true we have had a stressful time of it in the last year and there were moments I hated him but I never thought I would leave and that this was just a blip in our coming up to 10-years-in-a-month marriage and in fact, things were starting to look up at the beginning of the year. So sex wasn't that frequent (we were tired etc but whatever, it doesn't matter now) but hey, I thought it was what couples went through. It's been 4 weeks since the big reveal and we have only been twice to the counsellor but he has told me tonight he just wants out. I have talked, I have raged, I have cried, I am tired... He is NOT prepared to put in the work to make us work. I just cannot carry this alone. I hate the idea of both my DSs having parents that are no longer together, in fact, they are the reason I was hoping to re-kindle our relationship but DH is not willing.
After a big cry and talking briefly about finances, I am now very calm. I feel like I have done the grieving for the relationship/marriage I thought I had. I look at him and to be honest, I cannot imagine I will ever love him again after the stunt he just pulled on me and showing how selfish he truly is. I am so fucking glad he hasn't pulled this shit on me when I am 50 (I am 36) and have given my life to him and my family. I feel sick to the stomach when he is around. My boys and I will be okay. At least we are both agreed we will do whatever we can to make this as good as we can (given the circumstances) for the boys and they remain our top priority. Is it weird that I am calmly looking at flats/houses for him to move out to because I don't want my DSs to be living in a shithole part of their lives and also I want it to be within walking distance from their school and our family home? I sound too calm don't I? I feel like I have kicked into 'protect my boys at all cost' mode. I love them so much and it fucking breaks my heart that their father is doing this to them. On the plus side, DH has never been a hands-on father, in fact, I think him having them on his own will kick him into gear as a father, sad as it may be...
I have a lot of support around me. Thank goodness. My family lives on the other side of the world but they have pledged they will support me regardless of what happens. I have sent an email to my brother. We will be spending the summer holiday with them and hopefully those plans will stay so the boys will have a fantastic summer to remember despite their lives being about to implode. My in-laws (who are understandably aghast at their son's behaviour) have been fantastic too. I am very lucky in so many ways. But I feel like shit right now. I wish I had chosen a better father for my children, one who will not decide on one turn of the head at some woman in 'work' mode that his marriage is not worth working on. But I cannot change that. All I can do now is to try and shield my boys as much as possible from the repercussions of my 'D'H.
Please hold my hand. I am strong and I will get through this but tonight has been tough as all my dreams of a happy marriage and family is over.
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Relationships
Hand-holding please, husband has decided to move out...
angel1976 · 18/03/2013 00:10
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