Why is he doing this to me? I feel like I'm going crazy :-(

[Disarmed]

Yes I've posted before (today) but there have been developments and I honestly feel like I'm going crazy. backstory - I fell in love almost a year ago, thought he felt the same, had all plans for the future etc and then 6 months in I found out that he'd rejoined the dating site I met him on. We argued over it, he said he never intended to meet anyone (despite sending shit loads of messages to other women) and I gave him another chance. A couple of months later I find innapropriate emails again him trying to arrange meet ups for sex. I called him up and finished with him. He BEGGED and CRIED and said he was oh so sorry and what a dickhead I am and "i'm mortified to have done this to you, please give me a second chance" and "I love you so much I can't bare to lose you!" and "Give me a chance, I swear I'll prove my loyalty to you" yadda yadda yadda. Since then I'm met his parents, friends and children, he wants us to move in together, keeps hinting at marriage etc etc - but it kept niggling at me and just a few days ago I brought it all up again and said how I don't trust him etc. He sat there and said to my face "but I will prove it to you, I SWEAR. Why would I introduce you to my kids if I wasn't serious about you?" etc etc - I let it drop and then TODAY I found out that he's continued with a casual sex site!!!! All through the times he's sat there promising me and crying at me etc he's been straight on there as soon as the conversation ended basically!!

Why the fuck does he lie to my face like this?? why does he keep doing this?? fuck I tried to break up with him, he begged me not to so what the fuck does he want??? He swears he's never met anyone off these sites but now I'm not so sure, he's been on it months, logging in every week, surely he would have met up with someone by now? I can't believe a person can sit there and lie directly into someones face - a person that has done nothing but bend over backwards trying to support them and make them happy. What the fuck have I done to deserve this treatment??

We're due to take his kids bowling on saturday (why is he doing this to THEM??? introducing a woman to them that he has no intention of staying with??) and due to take his mother out on sunday for mother's day.

How the fuck can he play happy families like this when he's fucking around behind ALL of our backs like this??? I've not been able to eat since I found out. I've not brought it up with him yet but he knows something is up, he's tip toeing around me like the fucking cowardly mouse that he is.

And please don't reply to abuse me, yes I'm crazy - the experts call it anxiety and bi-polar - I'm not posting for fun. I want to know why anyone would do this to me? (or anyone!)

[LaTrucha]

It sounds like you can answer your own question TBH. This person has gone behind your back twice. If you stayed with him, why would he not do it again?

Do yourself a favour: be happier than you are now.

[kiwigirl42]

What the fuck have I done to deserve this treatment??

nothing. nothing at all. its his issues not yours. you deserve better than him and his games.

[deste]

He will be like this for the rest of your life, is that what you really want. You deserve better than this.

[TheBakeryQueen]

See, that's the problem, you're trying to understand him. You can't! There's no point trying.

He's proven what he is, the logical response is to fuck him off!

Don't waste time & energy on trying to work out why. Just know that he is a prick.

You deserve better. Move on. Easier said than done. But he is fucking with your head. I think the term is 'crazy maker'. That's what he is.

Took me a decade of shitty abusive relationships to see things clearly.

[BrianButterfield]

He's done it because he's a twat, and because he can, if you let him. You can't stop him doing it, but you can stop him doing it to you. It doesn't mean anything deep about you, just about him.

[pigsDOfly]

This is just the beginning Disarmed. If he's doing this now, what hope is there for the future.

Dump him. Delete him number. Have no contact with him and never let him near you again.

Don't believe his promises. The tears are just his method of controlling and getting what he wants. He's a nasty person. He won't change and will eventually drag you down.

Take care of yourself.

[piratecat]

this thread is the same as one i have just read

anyway, the advice ob both will be the same, have some self respect and leave him.

[Marigold1]

There are no answers. He's a mess, don't let him keep making you one.

Cut all contact with him, with space will come perspective and you'll see it's him but that you are letting him behave like this. DON'T meet his children and drag them into his game and cancel any further plans to do anything at all with him. He will always lie to you and you will never ever have any peace of mind.

Why would you even want to see him again.

[Lucyellensmum95]

As a fellow anxiety sufferer i know why he treats you like this - because you let him. You let him because you have low self esteem. Please see that you are worth more than this. This man clearly has no empathy and he wont change, the begining of a relationship is when you are "head over heels" and have eyes for no other. He isn't capable of this. Why did he split with his wife?

You are better off without him, you are better THAN him, you just wont recognise it.

You met this man on a dating site, maybe its time to move on and get back on the horse

[Xales]

Are you expecting different answers to your other post?

He does it because he wants to. He doesn't cry because he is sorry for what he has done and hurting you. He cries because he has been found out.

[StuntGirl]

"He's done it because he's a twat, and because he can, if you let him."

This. He has every intention of staying with you probably, he'll just shag around behind your back too. It's called having your cake and eating it.

Be kind to yourself and fuck him off. He's not worth it.

[oikopolis]

He probably does want a long term relationship OP. He probably wants someone nice and comfortable to wash his socks and play happy families with. Hence him introducing you to his kids and so on.

But he also wants to fuck strangers for a bit of excitement. At the same time.

Of course he would cry and beg for you to keep him. He wants the former. But that doesn't mean he'll ever give up the latter. He's just looking for someone who'll let him have both, and so far, you've been that someone.

Don't let this carry on OP, you'll end up catching some dreadful disease from him. Never mind the number he's doing on your self esteem.

Please don't be moved by the begging this time. Remember... he's begging because he wants things to stay the same, because they suit him. And the way things are isn't the way you want them to be. Hence... he needs binning. ASAP.

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Leave him.

He has no intention of being faithful. He does not respect you.

He is a lying cheating piece of scum.

Get out while you can and do not contact him - delete/block all his numbers etc.

[MintVelvet1937]

he treats you like this because he can. and because he is a fuckwit, but mostly because he can.

[AnyFucker]

This thread is the same as the other you again? thread, isn't it ?

And all the others that went before

[PatriciaHolm]

He does it because he can, and because you keep letting him. Dump and run for the hills. Delete his number. Don't let him keep doing it, as you can't stop him.

[BetterDaze]

I have discovered something similar with my partner and I am pregnant. The replies that you have been given have helped me too. They do it because they are shits and there is something wrong with them not with us.

[Saltpig]

I'll just repeat what i said on your previous post.

I've met loads of men (who I've never been involved with thankfully) who, between the last swallow of the wedding cake and retirement, shag or try to shag ANYONE online, in RL wherever.

And he will do this to ANY WOMAN who doesn't realise that it's his failing and not hers.

Like I said. This is your future if you continue with him. Not flaming you, nor diagnosing you, nor criticising you in any way.

Truth is, you need to L.T.B. NOW and stop trying to understand. It doesn't matter why he does this, all that matters is that you get yourself out.

[wordyBird]

Disarmed, don't let this man mess you up any more. If you're who I think you are, he doesn't deserve a second more of your time.

If you have any kind of MH problem, men like this will make it 10 x worse. You are better off single. Please do this for yourself: dump him today.

Just to be clear
The CRYING => was fake
BEGGING => was fake
SWEARING to change => was fake

He is not like you. When you support him, he just takes from you. You expect him to reciprocate. He never will. :(

Dump him, please, or your mental health will take an even bigger hit than it already has.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Take care, disarmed, hope you can find some RL support.

[Ihavetopushthepramalot]

You're judging him by your own standards. Yes you would never do something like this. You would never lie to somebody's face. You would never put children in such a shitty situation. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that everyone else out there has the same respect for other people as you do.
You've met one of the bad ones. There are plenty of people out there who will treat you better.
I know it must be difficult but you have to move on. He won't change.
People like this can promise anything because they have no conscious.
Be strong and cut this man wanker out of your life!

[Walkacrossthesand]

Disarmed, it is customary to post 'developments' in the same thread, even weeks or months later (never mind the same day) so we have some chance of following what is going on. I hope you have found the advice on both threads helpful and can see the way forward kicking this FW into the long grass asap

[OrWellyAnn]

He does it, because he knows that he can win you around when you find out, that he only has to out on the desperado act and shed a few tears and you'll forgive him. This will be the cycle of your lives together until you to the ONLY thing that will stop him lying to you and cheating on you. Dump him...and never, ever take him back. He. Will. Not. Change. Not now, not in a year, not in 10 years.

You are worth more. Seriously. Get out of it.

[badinage]

Look, dump this tosser once and for all.

But for the love of god, stop namechanging and posting threads about this relationship, deceiving honest posters who don't know your antecedents and then when someone recognises you, failing to come back to the thread. We must be up to approx 100 threads like this from you about this bloke in the past few months.

You get the same advice every time.

You're not crazy.

You are unwell and you need help.

If instead you posted that you needed help with two things: ending a relationship with a Grade A prick and an uncontrollable fetish to troll Mumsnet every few days or hours, there are lots of sympathetic posters who would help.

But you really can't expect people to help you when you're being so disingenuous and troll-like. Folk just get pissed off and feel as if they are being drawn into a sick game. It's unfair because it diverts attention from honest posters and wastes good, kind people's time.

The sort of help you probably need can't really come from an internet forum. We can suggest you get more help and folk with bi-polar and anxiety can share their coping mechanisms, but the specialist help you need is beyond our remit or expertise.

Get rid of the bloke and get honest. Those are the first essential jobs. Promise yourself and us that the next thread you start will be honest and straight.

[AnyFucker]

The other thread was deleted.

[EternalRose]

Listen to the wise ladies on this forum....

I have recently left a man who used to send emails to men and women on dating websites. It messed with my head, and I thought I was going crazy. I also had severe depressio, but as soon as I made the decision to leave all a sudden I am a recovered woman. I haven't read any of your previous threads but you really do need to leave this man, for your own sanity.