Sick of playing games, time to wear my heart on my sleeve?

[SweetieBrown]

I've been so reserved with my partner since we met that it took 6 months for me to tell him I loved him because I didn't want to be the first one to say it. And even when he did say it, I waited until he'd said it a few times before I said it.

I never text him first, never. I wait until he's text me - simply because I don't want him to think that I had nothing better to do than text him.

I never initiate sex or even kissing - because I don't want him thinking I want it more than he does.

He was due to meet my parents at the weekend and I warned them before we set off not to mention anything I'd said about him and to make out they knew little about him - as I didn't want him thinking that I spend my time talking about him.

It's all fucking stupid and it's doing my head in.

The biggie is that he's said he wants me and my children to move in with him when he buys a house in about 6 months time. I rubbished that, made out I wasn't bothered either way and convinced myself it would never happen anyway as he was full of crap basically. He mentioned it again. I reacted the same way "whatever".

But deep down I know I want nothing more than for us to move in together, I want it so much that I stop myself from thinking about it as a self protection tactic. This leaves me not able to plan anything - constantly in limbo thinking "does he mean it? will it really happen? does he still want that?" but I darnt actually ask him as that proves that I DO want this stuff and leaves me open to accusations of being pushy etc.

But that's no way for a relationship to be is it?? I went out with friends last night and one was telling me about how her and her boyfriend are planning on moving in together in the summer and getting engaged next year. Our relationship isn't like that, we don't "plan" anything - it's always a case of me hanging on his word wondering "does he still mean what he said last month/week/yesterday" as I feel I can't mention anything incase I come across as needy.

But ffs, it's not needy to bring up this whole moving in together thing is it and actually expect to plan it TOGETHER rather than me waiting for him to make a decision on it?

I want to bring it up tonight and actually talk about it. That's not pushy or needy is it??

[Absoluteeightiesgirl]

Why do you think you behave in this way? Have you had a few difficult r'ships? I have to be honest and say this really does not sound healthy at all. Has he noticed any of this?

[SweetieBrown]

I'm terrified of rejection. I'd rather make out that I'm not bothered and actually convince myself that I'm not bothered than risk being rejected or have people see that I care about them too much.

[Absoluteeightiesgirl]

Why do you think you are so terrified of rejection....

[CailinDana]

You are absolutely right. You need to stop playing it cool and just be yourself. If he doesn't like that, then there's no point in being with him. The problem with playing games is that you run the risk of him believing you're someone you're not (ie someone who is very laid back and easy to convince) or that you don't really care. Either way it'll end in disaster because at some point he'll either realise you're not being truthful or get annoyed with your seeming lack of interest.

Could you sit down with him and explain everything exactly as you've said it here?

[izzyizin]

You posted a thread on the same subject yesterday www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1680520-How-do-I-just-chill-the-f-ck-out-I-need-wise-woman-advise-here and it seems to me you should take on board the advice you've been given and respond to it out of courtesy to those who took the time to reply.