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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME(443 Posts)
This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.
AF - the voice of common sense!
"Oh no, I've washed my face... now he'll think I love him!"
Well my new haircut is a disaster so that will get me notced!!
Charbon you talk utter sense.
I cannot deal with men who show an interest and I'm guilty of being over familiar with people. I don't really understand men and talk to them in the same way I'd talk to a woman ( minus the nitty griity stuff)
I'm not pulling my own leg. If he was some random bloke from work, that I seldom spoke to I'd find the situation hilarious. This is someone I reguarly chat to and felt very comfortable being with. He literally changed overnight.
have you got any leave left?
you could always take a week off and maybe thinks would have changed when you get back?
or just completely ignore him? act as though you are really engrossed in your work, don't give him the opportunity to be embarrassed or blush etc around you 'cos you don't acknowledge him?
or if you do like him and want to see how thing run, organise going for a drink after work for your office and see how things go
obviously from his perspective something has changed.
maybe he's just shy and his confidence is just an act?
I know you have said you are 43 and a single mum, and are happy being single, but you may live another 50 or so years. maybe take this change in dynamics to look at expanding your social life? do something different, something you wouldn't normally do. make some new friends etc.
and don't stress about Monday. you can't change someone else's actions, only the way you react to them. good luck.
Feeling a lot calmer now.I know I'm not doing myself any favours by mulling over the situation.
I am due some annual leave so I'm going to take some time off and do fun stuff for a change ( thanks accident).Also going to look for a new job as I'm really not enjoying my work on bit.
I have to keep telling myself that is just a crush and it's likely to go as quickly as it appeared.
The one thing I have realised ,is that for the past 12 or so years I've worked in an almost exclusively male environment.Perhaps it could be said that my confidence and forthrighness towards men, could be misconstrued.
WEll here's the update. Was feeling clmer and more relaxed about the whole situation. Got my hair sorted by another hairdresser, releif, a wedding next weekend.
Got to work and everything was ok. Felt completely normal and composed. Then, I caught this man staring at me,when I was going about my usual taskes. Looked up to say hello and he was off like a shot.
He completely ignored my all the time I was there.
I cannot understand why someone whom I always got on well with would do this.It's not like we had deep and meaningfull conversations ,but we always had a bit of a natter.
I felt so uncomfortable and anxious that my usually mild asthma gave me so much grief that I had to use my puffer twice in 2 hours.
What I really wanted to to do was pass the time of day and exchange pleasentries, but no! he snook out and was off like a shot.
Hand on heart I've never ever flirted with him, but I do like him. I mean like,just that.
Feeling like crap right now.I've done nothing wrong. Why is he being so odd with me?
His problem - people are bonkers when they have a crush, tis normal. If you don't fancy him back, why do you care so much?
oh ffs, just ask him out and relieve both of you :-)
Its always my suspicion that adult men who do the lovesick teenager act without asking you out on a date are either attached or in a relationship...
Oh and OP, are you sure its not your lovesick teenager* behaviour thats scaring this man off?
I think you are stuck in a behavioural pattern of over-analysing small things, and would benefit with some relaxation techniques.
Put it down to experience, ignore him, move on, and stop over-analysing every last thing he does. The drama will do your anxiety no favours.
The whole episode has got you all aflutter. If you don't feel attracted, don't squander leave trying to avoid him or worry about haircuts or new lipstick or whatever.
Next time your paths cross just say something like "I'm sorry is anything the matter you don't seem your usual cheery self? I miss our chats" rephrase as required just break the ice and wait for a response.
He may not say anything. In which case just busy yourself and carry on as normal.
Or he might ask you out.
Remember the old I'm-sorry-I-don't-feel-it's-a-good-idea-to-date-someone-at -work polite putdown, or the blunter more direct, "Oh I really value your friendship but I don't feel that way about you". Job done.
He's possibly done you a favour, stirred you up a bit, made you wonder about what's round the corner.
could it be another colleague jokingly told him you like him and he freaked out ? if I had a crush on someone surely you'd want to bump into them /chat etc?
Just taken a Kalms,hope it works.
I'm going to take your advice and stop trying to over analise things quite so much.
My problem is that it's been so long since anyone looked at me that way that it's stirred up a lot of hidden/supressed thoughts.Something's changed in me, and today the window cleaner asked for my phone number?
Finally after just over two weeks of excrutiating embarassment,the bubble seems to have burst. Got to work and it was the usual ignoring and avoiding each other routine. One colleague remarked;"Did you see that? He was staring at you, think he fancies you" I replied that I did wonder?????
Thrn, just before I was anout to leave, he marched into my room, bold as you like and asked " Does anyone have a car, reg **" He was blushing furiously. I Calmly replied that it was in fact my car. He told me I had parked in the wrong place and please would I move it. This I did and took the oppertunity to appologise about my car and that I didn't have much choice but to park it there as there were no spaces left. We had a bit of a chat and said it was my new car so I understood it had taken some time to find the owner.
It's as if a huge cloud has lifted. I am hopefull we can now go back to being friendly colleagues .
Bloody hell, this all sounds an exhausting waste of energy to me.
Waste of energy? Not! it was awfull, I mean I've had crushes myself but I've always managed to talk, this was painful I can tell you.
Re the window cleaner, well... all I can say is he makes Kieth Lemon look sophisticated.
arf at Keith Lemon
you won't be giving him signals through your bedroom window then ?
sounds like you're attracting the wrong uns! You need to harness your powers for good now..
How about the milk man?
Plenty of opportunity for
innuendo fun there
Ohwell I must have been in denial. Looked forward to our friendly chats. I like compny and conversation. But there must be something in the air.People have comented on my perfume, lippy etc.
Just couldn't handle the fact that someone I liked ,showed something more then friendliness back.
Today. composed after double dosing on Kalms, ,he clmly walked into the the room and said " Hello ***,how are you?" He casually brushed his hand over my shoulder a few times,and I thought, "I think I'm liking this, a lot more than I thought I might. I was buzzing.
What to do?
OP, have you been making an effort lately? You can't possibly have been wearing the same lipstick and perfume for people to comment on it.
He touched you? That's quite inappropriate for a working relationship.
Can you make this into a book?
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