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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

(443 Posts)
Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:10

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

peppasnemesis Wed 27-Mar-13 20:59:45

That wasn't spelt right was it? darnit.

claudedebussy Wed 27-Mar-13 21:01:56

ffs using! don't keep us dangling!!

Timetoask Wed 27-Mar-13 21:07:38

What? A little kiss, right there in the office?
You are a much braver woman than I will ever be!!!
So, what happened next.....

Does Crushman have muscular thighs?

Only the best men have muscular thighs.

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Mar-13 22:08:30

Maryz, I think the clue is in the OP's name.

Kikithecat Thu 28-Mar-13 08:32:34

Phew! Thursday is here. Surely another episode of The Crushman Cometh is about to begin...

FannyPriceless Thu 28-Mar-13 08:57:49

Using, that kiss scene in the canteen was gold. Very much hoping to hear some more action along those lines, please.grin

When is your last day?

Imperial, tch! <wags finger> wink

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Mar-13 13:04:20

Well I've got a few more days to run,got to go in next Wednesday and Thursday.
Works do is tonight and I'm not the only one having a lift with crush so nothing is going to happen in the car!
There hasn't been any more kissing etc,just giggling and flirting.
Feeling less uncomfortable now we've broken the ice a bit.
He asked me if I'd like to go out on Saturday and I wanted to punch the air!
I don't think anyone at work has noticed what is going thank goodness,I think they had their suspicions before though.
I'm enjoying living again and being able to breath after what seems like an eternity.Were friends again now but instead of the playful banter I'm getting to know all about him and he is a really interesting man.
I discovered he is half indian and I would never have guessed from his appearance. I just thought he was olive skinned european,but his hair,greying now of course is mid brown.I've always had a thing for asian men.
Re the separation from his wife,I have been told by the office gossip( not always a reliable source of information) that his wife had a number of affairs and that is why they are getting divorced.I've seen a photo of her and she is absolutely stunning,quite a bit younger than him and the complete opposite to me.Shouldn't compare myself to her I know but we all do it.

claudedebussy Thu 28-Mar-13 13:18:45


you brightened up my day smile

peppasnemesis Thu 28-Mar-13 13:32:23

I don't think giving him even a 'little kiss' is breaking the ice using, more smashing it into millions of teeny tiny pieces and then stamping on it some more!

So you haven't discussed the kiss then? Because...if someone kissed me in the work canteen - even if I fancied them rotten, I might be inclined to ask what the F they thought they were doing. hmm

Usingtheplot Thu 28-Mar-13 13:51:24

Have discussed the kiss.He said he was glad I made a move as he was scared that I'd reject him if he asked me out. Nothing else is going to happen till I've left proper. If only he knew I was writing this as he's sitting less than 10 feet away, talking to a colleague ( the office gossip).

Kikithecat Thu 28-Mar-13 16:34:12

Looks like I'll be waiting up Saturday night for the next chapter then. I'm imagining David Tennant/Steve Mangan in the role of Crushman and the OP is... well me obviously.

Usingtheplot Fri 29-Mar-13 12:51:39

Everything seemed to be going to plan. I dollied myself up and crush came and picked me up.In the car was a woman from his department who'm I've never really got to know .She practically ignored me as I stepped into the car.I sat in the back as she was in the front. Crush and this woman talked to each other all the way to the restaurant wihich was perhaps 4 miiles away.
Arrived at venue and assumed he's sit next to me or opposite. We were shown to our table and I sat next to a friendly woman from work. He went to the furthest point away and sat with office woman??
I'm thinking" OK so he's keeping it proffessional,perhaps he'll come over later and talk etc?".
Well, he did speak to me after the meal, but only to ask if I had had a good time.Eh? I replied "Oh yes,it was great thank you very much for asking" I was seething. I'd invested so much effort into this evening and for what? I didn't make any further effort to talk to him even when he went outside alone to have a ciggie.
I couldn't wait for the evening to end. Thought about getting a taxi home but instead went back in his car with the miseable cow from his office. It was so painful,my pride has been so hurt.
I got home and virtually necked an entire bottle of wine and cried my eyes out.
I do think he has an on off crush on me but there is a callous/ugly side that I can't ignore.

kerstina Fri 29-Mar-13 13:11:15

Well it just seems he is keeping it on a professional level at work as after all he will still be working there after you leave. Anyway I thought you said he asked you out so you will see him tomorrow?!
I dont think there was any need to be so upset about yesterday. It seems you want to speed to a full on relationship a lot quicker than him.

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 13:20:02

If you showed your displeasure at the woman sitting in the front of the car OP then maybe you gave off vibes that made it uncomfortable to talk to you and that could be why he sat the other end of the room. Why do you say the other woman is miserable? if you gave off those signals of displeasure she could well be thinking the same about you? Just a thought?

peppasnemesis Fri 29-Mar-13 13:34:39

You seem very over dramatic, OP (lol, like I can talk!).

Maybe he just likes the look of you and would meet up...perhaps just for a one off but wouldn't take it further than that, maybe he's being professional - either way, get over it a bit, just treat him like a colleague until you leave and then see if he gets in touch.

Do you have his number?

sleepingwiththeenemy Fri 29-Mar-13 13:42:27

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP but it would scare the bejeebers out of me having someone behave like that over me, when nothing has even happened between you. I can imagine (and please correct me if I'm wrong) a frosty atmosphere in the car, looking daggers across the table, and generally an uncomfortable feeling about the whole event. And then you necked a bottle of wine and cried??? I know he wasn't there to see it but you can't really hide hysteria like that and if he picks up on that no wonder he's playing cool.

DevonCiderPunk Fri 29-Mar-13 13:55:37

I am realllllly enjoying this thread, but OP, please look after yourself & try not to pin all your happiness on this.

Usingtheplot Fri 29-Mar-13 22:48:41

I'm keeping a open mind on this situation. I wasn't looking for love, was happy being single. We all have faults.
Re my date tomorrow,well. who knows? We can only wait and see what unfolds.
I really don't have any great expectations.
All I know is that we obviously like each other, but that doesn't mean I'm pinning all my hopes on him being " the one".
I'm a bit nervous and I think that is pretty normal.
My 18 year old son said " My friends think you're a MILF"
Well, should I take that as a compliment???
I feel like a 14 year old girl. Oh it's so hard when you ae a 40 something woman.

whataguy Fri 29-Mar-13 22:54:38

OP, getting pissed on wine and crying all evening is NOT tying up with your last post about having no great expectations/not pinning hopes!confused The whole thing is a bit contradictory.

peppasnemesis Sat 30-Mar-13 06:49:05

I think if my little boy got to 18 and told me his friends thought I was a MILF it'd creep me right out to be honest! If he wanted to compliment you, then surely just telling you you're pretty would've done, not that you're fuckable!? But hey.

whataguy Sat 30-Mar-13 12:35:13

whaat is MILF, again?

peppasnemesis Sat 30-Mar-13 13:06:18

Mum I'd Like To Fuck, isn't it?

Can't imagine anything worse for my son - or his friends - to be referring to me as!

I certainly wouldn't take it as a compliment... :/

whataguy Sat 30-Mar-13 13:19:53

eww, no you wouldn't want it coming from your son/his friends.

OK from young strangers, but then I'd prefer 'an older woman idf', not 'mum', something distatestful about that.

cumfy Sat 30-Mar-13 14:30:58


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