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Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

BesameBesame Sun 03-Feb-13 16:52:42

IM well done. I've been watching your thread with selfish interest as I'm another in very similar circumstances.

I am waiting for another week. Then if I don't see the 'jam' that's been promised for some time now I'll be posting a thread and hoping for the support that will see me through losing some weight grin.

You deserve better and I'm really pleased you didn't waste any more time on this man. I'm having a glass of wine and toasting your good sense and achievement.

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 20:38:00

I look forward to toasting you too, Besame smile

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 11:36:05

feel rough and barely slept however used time to do a bit of investigative work to back up my instinct and found the evidence, most of which I had already guessed.

<wipes brow, breathes sigh of relief at what might have been>

AnyFucker Mon 04-Feb-13 11:37:15

Good on ya

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 11:47:49

<hands irrational restorative wine>

Ooh, do tell - I'm consumed by curiousity!

What have you discovered? Fraud, murder, mayhem? A trail of fags, whiskey & wild, wild, women? Or the usual a pack of lies and deceit from the off?

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 11:57:33

All of the above Izzy, with the exception of murder. He's definately on a sticky wicket. I'm lying low as advised by my lawyer

AnyFucker Mon 04-Feb-13 11:58:50


izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 12:01:08

And you funded his life of crime! Wow, does that make you an accessory? How exciting grin

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 12:09:23

he'll be hoping it won't

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 12:14:36

I have been advised that I have nothing to worry about, so wait and see.

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 12:51:08

I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about, honey, and please feel free to pm me if you have reason to believe otherwise.

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 12:52:44

Good lord!

I imagine that's put paid to any lingering regrets?

Good work there, Mme Poirot.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 14:58:08

I have absolutely no regrets that this is the course of action I should take. I will not deny that it's painful but I am going to accept that pain head on otherwise I will make the same mistakes over and over in the future.

My emotions are understandably all over the place at the moment, but then I've gone from living in denial, in a bubble of 'perfect love' with that man to this. Denial is unsustanable.

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 15:28:13

It's horrible, isn't it. Bad people do bad things to good people sad

You weren't wrong to love him, you know! He was wrong - to put it mildly - to abuse your trust & good faith.

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 15:29:02

I'm not so sure that denial isn't sustainable indefinitely for some.

What we see on this board is merely the tip of the iceberg; the bit that's starting to see the light melt. Which means that a fuck of a lot of women remain frozen in a rock solid block of denial, living their lives in similar bubbles to the one you have so recently burst out of.

I must admit to finding it hard to understand how any woman can claim to have found 'perfect love' and maintain this self-delusion illusion while she's picking up the tab but, as they reputedly say in Yorkshire, there's nowt so queer as folk.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 16:34:28

Its reading this board for a few years which has helped me get there.

Dignity and self-esteem come up time and time again, and these two things were lacking and have been a constant theme throughout most of my past relationships.

I would rather be alone now.

I do have some great friends, and of course the DCS to care for

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 16:47:49

It's all true sad I didn't know any of this - emotional abuse, red flags, financial abuse, covert violence, any of it - until I happened on an article on the Web, started reading up and eventually found my way here. This board's an incredible resource.

I'm still susceptible to self-doubts, wondering if X was right after all and it was me ... after all, he's been married for 9 years, has kids, maybe she's sane and I wasn't? But anybody who maliciously destroys their partner's confidence, as he did mine, is a nasty person. He'll have done the same to her; just been a bit more clever perhaps. She'll be in one of those icy blocks of denial.

mothermirth Mon 04-Feb-13 17:41:49

IM, have read this thread and just wanted to say what an inspiration you are. I was in a similar situation to you many years ago and it took me far too long to see the light. Am raising a wine to you.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 18:02:32

drinks are on me grin

NeverBeenToMe Mon 04-Feb-13 18:49:57

I've been lurking on this thread, but just heard the song "Best thing I never had" and thought of you - seemed to sum up your situation. Well done for having the strength to kick him into touch.

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 19:47:22

Here we are... I've got them in for you wine wine wine wine wine wine

This toast is 'Good riddance to bad rubbish' grin

You call the next one....

She might have been sane when she met him, garlic, but I suspect she's bordering on certifiable after 9 years with your ex. As yet another saying has it 'you never know what's going behind closed doors' but, in her case, you can make an educated guess and I suspect you won't be far off the truth - which will, since it seems to be my day for adages, will out as it always does.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 19:55:50

I saw a card on the internet today, it was of a woman waving to someone who had left the picture shouting ' wait, wait! you forgot to take your bullshit!'

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 22:20:57

grin Superb!

Monty27 Mon 04-Feb-13 23:57:58

IM I want that card. <goes to google)

You're a star smile

irrationalme Tue 05-Feb-13 07:32:14

Good nights sleep, nice lie in, now out to work

Inspirational song of the day

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