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Torn between wanting him here all the time and feeling a bit of a mug

(89 Posts)
ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 08:58:51

DP and I have had a very rocky time since the New Year to the point where we very nearly split up. At one point, I was absolutely convinced we were over. But we talked and he promised that he'd prove to me that he was 100% committed to our relationship.

Since then he's stayed at my house every night other than Saturday night (which is when he has his kids). I asked him during our argument where this staying over thing was going (as it's been gradually increasing as time went on) and wondered if he wanted to move in. He said he was happy as things were and he wanted to keep it the same for now. When he said this, he was staying over around 4 nights a week. Now it's 6 nights a week and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being a bit of a mug. I mean, lets face it - he's practically living here without the responsibilty that comes with officially moving in somewhere.

I love him being here, love his company and don't begrudge it but when I'm feeding an extra person every night and more electric/water/gas etc is being used and my house is filling up with "bloke stuff" I can't help thinking he's taking his cake and eating it! Perfect set up really isn't it. Live somewhere 6 nights a week but don't make it official and avoid having to contribute.

He does loads around the house, loads of chores as well as DIY and he's great with my kids but I'm confused. I asked if he wanted to move in and he said no. Do I give him an ultimatum and say he either moves in properly or spends more nights at his own house or am I just biting off my nose to spite my face as I actually really enjoy him being here?

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 12:52:24

It crossed my mind when I saw mention of the US holiday, Pam, but I erred on the side of the angels giving the OP the benefit of the doubt blush

<adds 'helps out with chores & does DIY' 'pays board to sister' and 'thrush' to telltale signs memory bank>

So, Shanny, did the hairdresser have your wig ready and waiting for you?

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 12:53:44


Judging from the above posts, the OP seems to have a history here and there may be more (negative) things about the BF that I haven't been privy to but that aside ...

From what the OP has said in THIS thread the BF's behavior is not worthy of the label cockloader. Upthread I mentioned
our former Nanny's BF. She does two jobs. He does none. He lives with her and
lives off her wages and his benifit money. THAT to me is a cockloader.

How does that make me intellectually challenged?

dequoisagitil Thu 10-Jan-13 12:55:01

It's lodger.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 13:02:25

Thanks OP. Some poster was having a go at me for labelling you emotionally challenged. If you are who your accusers say you are (whoever that might be) then you ARE emotionally challenged. If that is the case, thanks for proving me right.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 13:15:22

BS, you are a bit of a goady one, aintcha?

ShannyS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:11:17

Err actually I have met his mother and we have sex almost every night. Mistaken identity there I think!

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:27:54

Nice to see that you are still around OP.

Maybe your guy is what some MNetters have described as a cockloader but, based on what you have posted here, I don't think that he is.

I read posts from women going on about how their DPs are tight with their money with regards to going out, holidays and presents. Faced with a guy that isn't, the poor guy still gets accused of trying to buy himself out of any commitment.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:36:34

@any: I don't see myself as being 'goady' I mean, I don't post things just to get a reaction.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 10-Jan-13 14:37:54

garlic , maybe the poster's name gives you a clue to their motivation wink

Anniegetyourgun Thu 10-Jan-13 14:40:13

Bah, missed a couple of pages again. And I'm not even on a phone.

izzyizin Thu 10-Jan-13 14:40:34

I don't post things just to get a reaction Are you saying what you post is your considered opinion TBS? shock

<rofl with disbelief>

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:52:57

Why the shock ?

Not every one in the Real World has a history of emotionally/physically relationships. Maybe that is the source of my 'naivety'.

TotallyBS Thu 10-Jan-13 14:54:07

.. emotionally/physically abusive relationships ...

garlicbollocks Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:26

You speak truth, Annie! Many have ventured here on a Mission To Prove Mumsnet Wrong. None succeed, not even the ones with a modicum of emotional intelligence. I ain't backing this hoss wink

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