I have been with a lovely man for 4 months, he was quite open with me about his abuse as a child and said that it affects his ability to have close relationships...
He does shut me out a bit in day to day life and seems to go from being ultra vulnerable and loving to basically acting like I'm the last thing on his mind, and last night when I asked him if he was happy with me, he said he was the happiest he has been in his whole life, he's just scared of loosing me.
It all started when he said last night that sex for him can be asocicated with violence and power struggles, he said he's deeply disturbed at the idea of us not being equals, he said that he thinks I look up to him, I told him that I don't and that I do feel he sometimes looks down on me.
He said that an unequal relationship disturbs him because he wants us to be two consenting adults (which I thought we were)
All this stuff is a bolt out of the blue for be, I thought that things were great apart from having to grapple with his distance at times.
hmm, I want to help him and be there for him but I don't want to be unhappy myself which I will be if he keeps shutting me out. He told me today that I must tell him when he's shutting down.
Maybe he needs to go back to therapy, I don't know. I just hate being left out in the cold when he's warm and loving and vulnerable its the best thing in the world but I hate the highs and lows.
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Relationships
He was sexually abused as a child, how can I support him?
50 replies
snaplockslags · 07/01/2013 12:39
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