because I'm unemployed and haven't been able to find a job in the past two years. Then he slammed the door and left for work. I'm dreading him coming home now :( Can you help me get some perspective please.
From his point of view I'm a lazy scrounger who steals his money. He resents me not having a job.
My point of view: I got pregnant whilst still at uni (his idea, I thought more of waiting til I had a job). Had DS three weeks after my finals. We'd just moved so he could start a new job. Before that I was commuting 2 hours each way to uni. Then only 1:45 for the last 2 months. Had DS. Started looking for work. Had a cancer scare so I wasn't looking as actively as I could have been because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with DS. Finally got a crèche place for DS, registered unemployed and got some money this way. Still found nothing, nothing. Rejections were because I had no experience. My advisor wasn't worried and told me something would turn up. In the mean time he put me on a work experience placement (condition of receiving unemployment) which I did 60%. I started to get interviews because I now had some experience. I got offered a job at 100% which I turned down because it was too much. DH then, off his own back, said that even 80% wouldn't be fair on DS and I should look for 60% max. Just as these interviews started to come in DH suggested we try for number 2. In my stupidity I agreed because we'd had problems with trying for DS and I thought it'd take another 2 years. Fell first month.
Then I got a call offering me a job from the previous company who came to me without even advertising the job. I told them I was pg, when baby was due. They told me it was to cover maternity leave, due when my baby was due. They thanked me for being so honest and told me to contact them when I was looking for a job again (I have done, they have no free positions at the moment). DH was furious and told me I shouldn't have told them I was pg. I thought it was dishonest not to, especially as there are a limited of companies in my field in the region.
I'm now looking for work again, but with the worsening economic situation, companies are even less likely to employ part time staff. DH says I'll never get a job because my applications are rubbish and I'm not employable. (That's it, no offer to help because "he's been working all day".)
I'm absolutely fed up. I live in DH's country, so all my applications have to be written in a foreign language (DH's native language) yet if I ask him he tells me there are mistakes, its not written as a native would write it, but won't correct it. Because I don't want to work in the field he works in he says I'll never get a job. Since DS was born (and before) he's done nothing to help in the house, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc. He's never done a night shift with the children. Not even when I was doing the placement "because it's a hobby, you're not actually getting a wage for it are you?" and not even when I was puking my guts up every day for 20 weeks. We'd agreed a rota to collect the munchkins from crèche, but he would randomly call up and say he wasn't going to get them (so I would have to leave early and get them). Despite me having a glowing reference from my previous employer it "counts for nothing" because DH reckons he could have done much better if he'd done the job.
This has all come to a head because I asked him to sign a permission slip for DD for crèche. She's just started. He says its a waste of money because I don't have a job, and my unemployment has now stopped as it's been two years since I registered. I can see his point. But we waited one year for a place for DS and I registered DD when I was pregnant, she has a place now at 9 months. If we give up the place there's no point me even looking for a job. (the crèche is means tested, and half is paid by my mum).
How do I deal with this? I did suggest that we wait another 6 months and if I still have nothing, then pull them from the crèche. But he seems to have forgotten this conversation.
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Relationships
DH sees no future for us
Snowydrift · 18/12/2012 14:20
Why are you with him? He sounds very unsympathetic and, frankly, a bit of a selfish idiot. 
Poor you 
Your DH really needs to sort out his attitude or else you seriously need to think about coming "home".
Sorry, got distracted. DS got out of bed and refused to go to sleep. So DH gave him the ipad and then sat there for an hour and a half asking him to go to bed and DD is not well.
I don't really have family 'back home' just my parents but they spends half the year somewhere else! No collection of friends either, they are all spread randomly throughout the UK. Plus which I don't think technically kidnapping the kids would be the way forwards.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I must admit I was beginning to wonder if he wanted me to work, but wondered if I was over thinking things and being paranoid. He's always making comments about how he has to work, I'm on holiday how I should get a job so we're not dependent on him and to take the stress off of him. I really don't know if he has a hidden agenda, just having a stressful time at work. I know he's busy.
The idea of childminding fills me with horror! I'm not cut out to be a sahm. I hate housework and all it entails. I'm sure I don't do the right things with my kids, I'm not very patient, nor am I creative and crafty (as in painting and loo roll building activities!) and we tend just to meet other families rather than do excursions. He says I'm not a good housewife, (this is true, window cleaning and ironing come way down my priority list I'd rather play with the children) and compares to how his mum always had a clean and tidy house. I'm sure she did, but I'm also sure he doesn't remember what it was like when he was 3 (and MIL says it was chaos when DH and BIL were small).
I do want a job. I want to do some brain work, I need to keep up my language knowledge, but I don't want to work full time. I want to use my degree, but not directly if that makes sense, and that is what DH cannot understand.
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