Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU to feel pissed off with BF

(61 Posts)
VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 22:49:23

We have been seeing each other 4 weeks.

We were chatting online tonight and he just logged of abruptly saying he had an early start.

(No earlier than normal, and normally he says it doesn't matter as he loves chatting to me). We are meant to be meeting tomorrow and he didn't mention it or confirm arrangements I am feeling used and mightily pissed off with him. I feel like telling him to go F*ck himself and ending it.

I called him and no reply. No answer to text either.

AIBU (or over reacting?)

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:12:29

He said the L word not me. I feel very fond of him, however it is very early yes.

Text just said 'I assume we are still meeting tomorrow, you've gone offline..?'

LapsedPacifist Mon 26-Nov-12 23:17:51

Oh dear. How old are you? This sort of behaviour can be very off-putting in the early stages of a relationship.

Do you often get "mightily pissed off" with people and tell them to fuck off?

MummysHappyPills Mon 26-Nov-12 23:18:12

Just to warn you that can be a bit of a red flag. Along with the fact he usually won't let you sign off, now he goes cold. Very controlling behaviour.

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:18:16

OK having texted and called tonight - which seemingly I shouldn't have - I guess I should wait for him to contact me tomorrow or assume meet up is off...?!

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:18:30

Ah okay. Well if you haven't sorted out time/place for meeting then that's different - I thought you had as you mentioned confirming an arrangement?

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:19:52

oh dear, I've really fucked up haven't I? I am just tired I suppose - tired of this game and tired because I've had a long day.

Thank you all for your honesty.

Another fledgling relationship down the pan it would seem.

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:20:24

Bertie - no arrangements - just plan to meet 'tomorrow afternoon'...

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:20:27

Have you already agreed on a time or place or not?

Either way, wait for text tomorrow. If I had a text like that when I was going to bed I'd assume it was fine to reply the next day.

If you have agreed a time/place, then assume it's going ahead whether he replies or not.

If you haven't agreed a time/place and he doesn't reply, then you can't really meet up with him, can you?

Obviously if he says something's come up then forget it, though.

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:22:58

I don't think you've fucked up at all, why assume that? It might have seemed a bit OTT to send him a text AND call after he logged off unexpectedly, but firstly, if it's to fix arrangements for meeting then that's different and not impolite (as long as you know he's still up, which you did) and secondly, even if this wasn't the case and he did find it a bit keen, if he really liked you it probably wouldn't put him off - as long as you didn't keep obsessively calling/texting him all the time!

pictish Mon 26-Nov-12 23:25:12

Well...tbh with you...that text sounded pretty cool to me. If his signing off was innocuous enough, he'd have replied to that "Sorry - 10pm at wherever blah blah"

I would not have followed up with a phone call myself, as I'd be all fuck you by then, and would leave the ball in his court with the text.

But he didn't reply to either text or call, I'd say trust your instinct.
You've put it out there so sit back now and see what unfolds. Do not chase him, got that?


VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:26:11

Bertie - I texted and called about 5 mins after last message so reasonable to assume he was still up I hope - I accept phone may have been on silent.

Assume fucked up because of feedback on here saying OTT etc! I can see it clearly now you all put it that way. Just feeling needy and tired I suppose. sad

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:27:03

Also agree the text sounds fine. I think it was the use of "arrangements" in the OP that threw me. You do need to know where you're meeting someone!

MissFenella Mon 26-Nov-12 23:27:10

If he really liked YOU then he wouldn't be put off by your behaviour - as that is part and parcel of who you are. He also would have responded to you. people who like you don't ignore you no matter how eager beaver you are.

Its early days, it should be easy, eager to please, love n hugs & pink hearts.

If you are anxious and annoyed that is telling, if he is non responsive that is all you need to know.

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:27:25

Pictish - thank you :-) I will not call text or anything else! I am annoyed I went OTT but just thrown off balance by the sudden exit.

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:29:49

IYSWIM - the OP sounded as though it had been

New man signs off unexpectedly
OP panics and sends stalky text message asking if things are okay/where have you gone etc AND tries to call.

But actual situation sounds more like

OP and new man agree to meet up vaguely on X day
OP and new man talk online the night before
New man logs off suddenly without sorting meeting details, OP doesn't get a chance to ask
OP texts NM asking about meeting (and, call was prob unnecessary but not that much of a big deal if only once)

First sounds way OTT. Second sounds fine.

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:31:05

Miss Fenalla - I am who I am. If he doesn't like it then he's not for me.

I clearly need the pink hearts and flowers (which until tonight have been forthcoming). Sudden coolness makes me anxious yes, and yes it is telling. Either he can accept who I am and give me what I need or not. If not...I'll end it.

BertieBotts Mon 26-Nov-12 23:31:29

I also agree it's a bit odd now that I realise you were supposed to be meeting up and he's totally blanked you on that count.

Perhaps he genuinely forgot, although that doesn't explain why he then ignored the text and phone call, although phone could have been on silent.

I expect you'll get your answer tomorrow though either way, but don't take it personally - it's his problem wink

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:32:21

Bertie - your 2nd description of events closer to mark. Hopefully call not too OTT - at least I didn't leave voicemail too!!

MissFenella Mon 26-Nov-12 23:32:57

I don't think she has been OTT in any way. But all this drama 4 weeks in? It's not worth the effort.

allchangeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 23:33:03

maybe he wasn't enjoying the subject you were discussing?
it's really far to eaarly to jump to bad conclusions! Everyone is alowed to be tired on SOME days even if it's not the norm for them.

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:33:46

Bertie - I'll give benefit of doubt that phone may have been on silent. If not I would be pretty unhappy to be ignored 5 mins after logging off - in order to confirm details for tomorrow - yes!

VeryComplex Mon 26-Nov-12 23:35:22

Fenella - thing is - drama is probably in my head!
I've been pretty 'cool' until now. Now I am actually developing some feelings, I find it harder.

allchangeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 23:44:52

FGS the bloke probably went to the bathroom within these 5min if he was heading for bed, and could have turned off the phone prior to that!

Helltotheno Mon 26-Nov-12 23:51:57

I think if you feel how he acted was very out of character and has left you feeling a bit unsure about things, that is a valid feeling. And yes if you were supposed to be meeting, him not tying an arrangement down is a bit off.

In saying that, just wait and see. Hopefully it's nothing and he'll have an explanation. If it was something and things don't work out, well there's better out there for you don't fret.
... and don't call him tomorrow or text! The ball's in his court...

CuriousMama Tue 27-Nov-12 00:01:50

Interesting you say you're developing feelings now. Does he sense this? I hope he isn't a player? How did you meet? Is he known to you or your friends?

Of course he could have a very valid reason for being rude? Which I actually think it is to log off like that when he doesn't normally.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: