Angry DH .......

[sweetlittlelies]

Have just had a blazing row downstairs with Dh about a text to work colleague that was on his phone 2months ago -now deleted. It was about work but sent at 10.40 at night. He hadn't mentioned this colleague ( much younger than him - mostly male envronment) but had a look on FB and she's on there everything hanging out mostly male friends all commenting on her ( half naked ) photos. He was so annoyed that I dared question why he had sent a tex so late at night "WHAT? What bloody text - there's my phone etc etc!" he 's now lying on our bed watching bloody telly while I'm silently raging in kids bedroom. Why did he get so defensive and lie about a text that WAS on there?

[MajesticWhine]

Defensiveness is never a good sign.
But just wondering why did it come up in conversation now when it was from 2 months ago?

[sweetlittlelies]

He works away and has just come home after 2 months

[Funnylittleturkishdelight]

Not good :( total overreaction.

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

I would get defensive if i thought someone was checking up on me even if i had nothing to hide.

Do you have any reason to doubt him op?

[sweetlittlelies]

That's what I thought. He hates being questioned about anything or being wrong. What a pig - he said There's my phone check it check laptop whatever you want. I said I think I want divorce (in anger) he said oh whatever you want. When he came into kitchen he couldn't look at me.

[sweetlittlelies]

Hocus, around the time before I found text, he was behaving differently, speaking about random things, just not himself ( 15 yrs together - thought I knew him) and also the things he mentioned came up on her Facebook! I know, I shouldn't have llooked for my own sanity.

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

If it was about work why do you doubt him?

I'm just asking as my dh used to get cross when i would get texts from by boss sometimes late at night. dh never understood and thought there was more to it than the fact my boss could just never switch off and would text whenever he thought of something that needed doing, there was never anything more to it.

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

Sorry xpost.

I don't know, will he talk to you rationally about it when he's calmed down?

[sweetlittlelies]

Should have said, she has boyfriend and he's not confident with women so could just be friendship but he's v.shy even with my friends but why react like this? I know what you mean about getting annoyed about checking. When I read text, I was messaging on his phone (quite usual for us to use each others)

[sweetlittlelies]

Ah x post again ! I think he will get up in morning as usual and carry on as normal. He doesn't like confrontation at all. Yes, it probably was just work but I think bit daft to text big boob party animal late at night and not think that she might think something else!!!!

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

Oh ok, well it's not like you went snooping.

Did he know you were using his phone, if he had something to hide surely he would have made an excuse or got you to use yours?

[sweetlittlelies]

No, I don't think he did know I was using it but we have always picked each others up -never a problem and not had to think about it. But it was playing on my mind for ages and when became home last w.end I DID do some snooping!Found nothing else but then he 's deleted this text?

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

Well if there are other texts from the same time period that he hasn't deleted then that maybe strange.

It sounds like it will drive you mad if you don't have it out with him, if it's all very innocent surely he will understand why it bothered you.

[sweetlittlelies]

I know. Why delete that one then deny it was even there?! He won't discuss it and will get angry again that I 've even mentioned it. It's the lying and disrespect for me that I can 't stand. It's also the anger . The only other angry boyfriend I had was sleeping with his best friends girlfriend! Long time ago.

[FML]

If it was work related, and 2 months ago, why would he keep it? I keep messages that mean something to me, everything else gets deleted.

It doesn't matter if she is 21 with huge tits, drop dead gorgeous etc, if he can be trusted then that won't matter to him.

He seems to of overreacted, but tbh, I wouldn't be impressed about being questioned over a work related text sent months ago either. From what you have said, I think you are reading too much into it.

[FML]

He is completely denying it? Could it be possible that he has just forgot? Is he giving you any other reason to doubt him?

[sweetlittlelies]

I know, this is what I want to think but why delete that one? Is it because he knew I was peed off about something and I was. I did scroll through his phone the other day and he saw me! Why? Because I 'm his wife and if he had my phone I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I was having a look so now I'm wondering if he deleted it after this. It's not that text, it's that now I don't feel I can trust him and have never had to feel worried before. He's denying a text that he's deleted and that I know I saw.

[myroomisatip]

Would it show up on his phone bill? Can you check?

[Sariah]

My boss sent me a text yesterday followed by xxx. He did it by accident ob thought he was texting his wife. He sent me an apology after but it could have looked suspicious if dh had read it. Its his reaction that would worry me.

[NotAnIdiotHonest]

It sounds like there are some other issues here if you told him you want a divorce over this - isn't that a bit of a harsh and extreme thing to say when you haven't seen him for 2 months and text could be innocent?

[TobyLerone]

I'm guessing from his reaction that this isn't the first instance of you questioning him/being suspicious.

It's perfectly normal to delete old texts, especially ones about work. My 'phone even does that for me. And I'd be hard pressed to remember a work text I'd sent months ago, so I'd probably react in a similar way.

I think you overreacted, OP, unless you're dripfeeding and there's more info to come.

[NotAnIdiotHonest]

He's maybe angry over the fact you picked a fight with him, rather than 'overreacting to an innocent question' as people are suggesting.

[HocusPocusPigInACaldron]

How's things op?

[SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR]

Actually.you.sound.screamy.and.unreasonable.and.controlling.Unless.he.has.form.for.shagging.around.you.need.to.get.a.grip.

[sweetlittlelies]

Ok, thanks for replies - solid gold - yes, I do, I know I sound like I am but in 15 years never felt the need to question.
We sat for a good few hours and talked without shouting and he did get angry because a) he couldn't work out what I was talking about and b) he didn't know why I was looking on his phone. He said he thought I trusted him which I always have but it's difficult stuck at home with little ones etc but I suppose for him it's the same as he's working twice the hours for us so I think more communication needed both sides and a bit of effort from both. No, he has no form for cheating and says he wouldn't want to. He said he took this job for us, house, kids etc and it's not for long and that otherwise it would be more pressure on both of us.