Have been with my boyfriend for most of this year. We see each other 4 or 5 times a week and get on well.
I found out on Sunday evening that he has been texting a woman from work. It had been going on for 4 or 5 days. He had told me about her, she had made it clear she fancied him. i was a little thrown but he assured me he didn't fancy her and that he wasn't interested in 'that' way.
Anyway, he told me that they were in email contact at work but nothing more. Last week my instinct started kicking in and I became convinced that they were messaging away from work. Just 'felt' it but tried to convince myself I was being paranoid.
So Sunday evening I sent him a message as I was sat next to him - well, a photo that I wanted him to see. He opened up his phone next to me and I saw her name. I was upset and asked to read the messages. He was reluctant as ' I would be reading them out of context ' but he handed his mobile over.
The good bit ... they were not sexual. there was no mention of meeting up or ending his relationship. he had made it clear that he was in a relationship and wouldnt have another one alongside the one he had. not many messages - as in not all day and night
the bad bit - she was very flirty. saying ' oh will we ever be single at the same time? '. kisses on the texts. him texting her saying he was bored and asking what she was up to etc. To the question ' will we be single at the same time? ' he had just made a fobbing off joke. BUT he was openly encouraging her I suppose, an active responder whilst saying he was in a relationship.
I was very upset. He apologised many times, said he had no intentions of ever doing anything < which incidentally i believe - he is not the unfaithful type > and that he had been stupid and not thought properly. He sent her a message saying I had seen the messages, that he had been stupid and that he would no longer be messaging her in that kind of way... < they have to email at work though as although they dont work in the same building, she organises something as does he > she replied with an apology for causing us problems and confirmed she wouldnt message him again.
He has apologised a million times. Reassured me he will not do this again and asked me to trust him again. Said he appreciated what he had done wrong etc...
But I still feel shit. I have said all i can say on the subject, as has he. I cant keep asking for reassurances or an apology can I? he has apologised countless times already.
Am I over reacting? Like i said, nothing sexual. I'd call the messages ' flirty banter ' at most.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How bad is this? Worth finishing with him over? Can't decide.
Getagripp · 23/10/2012 17:40
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