I have been preparing myself for you all to be a tough crowd so please don't be gentle - but I am frankly desperate for your help - let me explain
I am a 40-something guy, married (>10 years) with 2 dcs (aged 4 and 18 months). I love them all very much. My problem, and I'm afraid it's very unoriginal, is that I have become infatuated with someone who works in my office.
My work is professional (I am in the equivalent of a middle management post) and she is one of the people I supervise. She is 23 and single.
Some things to say right up. I have not and will not let this become in any way an actual relationship. My contact with the girl is more or less confined to work with just a few strictly work related (communal) social activities. The girl in question has not behaved other than in a polite and friendly (but never more than friendly) way toward me and as far as I know, has no idea about my feelings (though no doubt she finds some of my behaviour a bit weird at times - more of that below). I have not told my wife.
Having said that, it is a quite catastrophic infatuation. It began as soon as the girl arrived, over a year ago, and shows no sign of fading, and it is certainly interfering enough with my emotional state to interfere with my work and home life. I have all the symptoms of puppy love - and unrequited love - in a way I literally have not had since I was a teenager. Though I am sexually attracted to her, this is well beyond that - in fact in a funny way physical attraction sometimes seems the least part of it. I am all too well aware how silly it is but I can't seem to get on top of the feeling.
My wife and I have the usual hassles of juggling jobs, home and two small kids. My wife really is my soul mate - the one person in the world I would go to first to talk something over - but I just can't bring myself to have this particular conversation with her. I'm not at all sure how understanding I'd be if the shoe was on the other foot.
My first impulse was to reduce contact with the girl but that is genuinely hard. I more or less have to supervise her - trying to reallocate supervisors in my workplace is a huge hassle and would definitely mean citing reasons - which I am very loath to do, and equally loath to fabricate. For a month or so a little while ago I more or less avoided her completely but apart from inviting suspicion from others that also meant her work suffered because she was not properly advised - which I felt awful about.
So at the moment, we are in fairly regular contact and each meeting for me is like pain. I feel completely wretched, and split. In case you are wondering the girl in question is, as far as I can objectively say, a completely ordinary 23 year old. EVEN IF I was single, I doubt I would try to pursue her - I truly believe that 23 year olds need other 23 year olds, and big age differences are just a recipe for heartache eventually (that's another blog perhaps). And I'm no Johnny Depp, in case you were wondering.
I guess I need therapy or something but I honestly feel that if I didn't have to have the contact with her, I'd recover and be fine.
What I am hoping for is the benefit of any similar experiences you may have had. But what I desperately really want is a cure - some basic things I can do to rein in these feelings, and give them a meaning I can live with.
Please help if you can.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
infatuation
yurizhiv · 14/10/2012 04:32
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