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What do I do now. I have to make a decision and stick with it. A bit long.

(7 Posts)
nicholarseparsons Fri 12-Oct-12 16:31:03

I was both won over and flattered by his charm and attention. Now it is something which only partially soothes my underlying unease.

I was flattered, but doubted, that he could "love' me as quickly as he said. I now doubt whether he can or will follow through these sentiments and that he may even use "love" to justify leaving.

I feel frustrated and confused more often. I feel as thought I have fewer and fewer grounds to object to his absences/changes of plan/avoidance of making plans even a couple of days hence.

I am really concerned that he busted some of my boundaries and I don't know how to put them back in place. I am a reasonable and conscientious woman and this seems to have left me without a voice.

Lately I feel as though me voicing any objections or complaints will be responded to by turning them back on me as an "impatient and demanding" , woman whilst he is doing his best for everyone except himself.

His perception of himself as a willing helper, putting other's (including me) before his own needs feels like a justification for keeping things exactly the same.

I fear the agony that I anticipate will follow should I tell him it's over - although a part of me suspects that after a few days I will begin to see things more clearly, I will feel less anxious, less confused, less frustrated, less disappointed.

BUT. A voice in my head persists in asking "but what if you're wrong and you ARE impatient, demanding" etc.

Sounds like he's convincing you its your fault!
If you don't believe a stranger though, could you ask some good friends to tell you honestly whether you're demanding? Or are you on good terms with any exs?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 12-Oct-12 16:34:58

Tell the voice in your head that you're entitled to be as wrong, impatient and demanding as you like. Chuck in unreasonable and irrational while you're at it. A person who genuinely loves you would do so warts and all & not make you feel anxious or require you to change.

I think you should look at the Red Flags thread - here - some of what you say is reminding me of things on this thread

LeChatRouge Fri 12-Oct-12 16:37:47

My gut instinct?

Stop this relationship, it doesn't sound healthy or balanced enough to persue.

If you aren't already, get some counselling. I mean that in the nicest way possible, and I obviously don't know you, but I detect issues when reading between the lines. It could make all the difference for your future relationships.

nicholarseparsons Fri 12-Oct-12 16:40:41

He told a friend of mine this about me - her response was "bollocks is she, you haven't done a single thing to follow through on any of your talk".

So no, generally, I don't think I am. That he should say this is actually quite hurtful because at other times he tells me how lovely, kind, clever, attractive, calm etc etc that I am.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 12-Oct-12 17:15:04

Top tip for a happy life.... only hang out with people who think you are wonderful even when you are not wonderful. Do not tolerate people who try to bring you down by listing your faults.... even if they are charming with it... they are bitches.

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