I don't know if this should be posted here or in mental health but thought I'd give this a try first.
2 DC under 4
Partner depressed for years.
Refused to get treatment, got to the point where he was angry, abusive, physically violent, delusional, thought that the world was going to end and he quit his job and started to spend all our savings as money would soon be obsolete (!)
He was also paranoid and thought that he was being bugged, lost loads of our savings secretly on the stock market as he thought he knew how to play the markets and that he had the power to influence what happened with the shares.
Pretty fucked up.
After a lot of support on here, particularly because of the DV I left him. It was hard. No money, nowhere to live, had to stay in a b&b because there was no suitable accommodation and i wasn't officially homeless Etc etc
I also prosecuted him for the DV.
He finally got help. On ADs. Counselling for his fucked up abusive family history and what he did to me etc.
Started to let him see DC.
Months and months down the line he is a changed person: no longer aggressive, paranoid, violent. His whole outlook has changed because of the therapy and he's realised what a cunt he was and how fucked up his family have made him.
I've cautiously and gradually let him back into my life because I'm sure it was the MH problems that caused the aggression/anger/violence and that hasn't reappeared.
Instead he has gradually become lazier and lazier. He blames the drugs. Got the doctor to reduce his dose an has started to say he was never mentally ill, it was just me.
He has also started to show all the signs he had before, bar the aggression and violence. Lazy, no personal care, 16 hours a day on the computer 'running his business' which makes no fucking money.
I'm 28 weeks pregnant. (Please don't judge me). I do everything around the house. I pay everything, except the rent, which comes out of his savings. Do 90% of all childcare (children at nursery 2 days a week opposite my work, he has them one day) I work 25 hours a week packed into 3 days and I have no other interests.
I can't cope any more.
I'm fed up of giving all the time. I don't give a shit if he's depressed. I want him to sort himself out. I want my life back. I want to be happy. I want the kids to have the things they deserve and not a useless fucker who just emotionally bleeds me dry and gives nothing in return. I did love him.
I know he's made positive changes but it isn't enough. It isn't quick enough. I feel so alone as I've been looking after the children and caring for him too.
I've virtually missed all the joy of this pregnancy. I'm living in a new area but haven't been able to establish myself because he's always at home.
I'm scared what will happen when DC3 arrives.
He tells me I need to relax. I can't fucking relax because he doesn't do anything. If I'm around, I'm the default setting. I'm knackered.
Don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this. Just needed to get it off my chest.
How much longer should I give him? Wtf should I do?
I feel lost. I'm strong on the outside and empty on the inside. Nothing left.
If you managed to get through all that, thanks.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
So fucking fed up (really long)
Nomoretetherleft · 06/10/2012 19:23
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