Is there anyone here happy with their lot?

[happygoluckyinOz]

Hi all fellow mumsnetters.

I?ve been a long time lurker on this site, picking up useful hints and tips over the months, but after spending some time on the relationships forum I can?t help but notice that most of the topics on here are from people who are sometimes in the most terrible of situations with their OH?s. I think mumsnet is a great place for people to come and get some sound advice in an anonymous way and hopefully either turn these situations around for the better or find the strength to leave and make a better life for themselves.

I wanted to start a more positive thread on here, hopefully to show that there are decent people in the world who will treat you as you are meant to be treated, and that you don?t have to put up with such awful relationships as they are not ?normal?.

With that ?caveat? out of the way, I just wanted those who are happy in their relationships to perhaps share a little story or tale about you and your happy relationship to give people some hope when they are feeling down.

I?m very happy with my lot at the moment. My DH and I met when we were both 19 and at University together, we?ve gone through moving to London, establishing our careers, two redundancies and a move to Australia together. We?ve been together 9 years next month and got married in the most beautiful ceremony surrounded by friends and family 18 months ago. He makes me smile and laugh at least 10 times a day, we love spending time just in each other?s company and sharing in each other?s hobbies (2 hours in the rain watching him play Sunday league football yesterday!)

Of course we have disagreements, but this is more along the lines of ?why can?t you stack the dishwasher properly?? or ?do you realise your socks have been in the middle of the living room floor for 2 days now?? rather than full scale screaming rows. My DH is not a romantic, the meaning behind flowers escapes him, at the end of his wedding speech he toasted ?to me!? and sat down, so he is not without his faults ? but he makes me insanely happy and I couldn?t imagine being without him. Next year we have plans to start a family and I just hope that we can stay as happy as we are now when the little bundle comes along.

Is there anyone else out there happy with their lot?
xx

[RachyRach30]

I am glad you posted this because it can seem all relationships are doom and gloom. A lot of these posts are about men and sometimes makes you think most men are awful but it's nice to here good things about them.

I try to be positive. Oh boy it does have its ups and downs but I'd like to think generally we are very happy. Life in itself isn't always good, has dips but ups too. I have been with my husband 9 Years this June and married 3 years in August. I would like to think we could have children one day, if I am able and blessed, thinking of trying this or next year . Bit scared actually.

Do you have family out in Australia?

[happygoluckyinOz]

Hi RachyRach, I'd like to try next year for a family - being that I'm going to be 30 next year and I do feel like we are 'ready'. DH is a little more cautious and isn't quite ready to say yes to it yet, but we'll get to a compromise eventually! It is scary, but I'm looking forward to it.

My brother lives here with his fiance, my sister is due to start Uni here in July and once we get our permanent residency my parents are also planning on making the move. So I guess I am very lucky to have been able to move my entire family over bit by bit!

[WhiteShores]

Am extremely happy with the DH I have now, after a rather awful string of failed and/or abusive relationships.

We started out as friends first (and were for a long time), which I think is one of the things that really helped... that, and I come from an abusive background myself, whereas he is very close with his family and describes his childhood as very happy with no complaints.

His very grounded behaviour has actually helped me to normalise my own, and it also made me realise my expectations regarding men were far, far too low in the past (for example, not expecting them to care whether I wanted sex or not, or to genuinely take on board any complaint I had).

The biggest difference in this relationship than in any other I've ever had is that it just seems so easy. Theres no struggle, theres no going to bed with a feeling of dread, or waking up wondering what sort of mood he's going to be in, or spending my days tiptoeing around. I feel like myself, and that he accepts/likes me the way I am, and that he'll listen to me and be there for me.

I never knew a relationship could be like this one, and I see my old self in so many of the posters here in awful relationships... not being happy, but not really expecting or hoping for much better.

There is so much better!

[sadanduseless]

Think that you need MN royalty on here!

[COCKadoodledooo]

I am. I adore dh, love the very bones of him. Sure he pisses me off sometimes but the thought of ever being without him leaves me cold. He's a fab father too and the boys think he's marvellous. He himself doubts this because he has to work such long hours (teacher/subject leader, teaching mostly exam classes and he gives his all to his students) but frankly he couldn't be more wrong!

We've been through so much crap together but have always come out stronger. Been together 15 and a bit years now and can clearly see our wrinkly wizened selves sat in our wing chairs by the fire well into our 90s. Cheesy but true.

[4aminsomniac]

I am incredibly happy with my DH!

Found myself alone (my choice, poor selection for DH no. 1) with two children of 6&4, meet DH no.2 through internet dating. He has shown me what relationships are all about, been fantastic with my children, and after 13 years things just seem to get better. I'vs had major health problems, but when I look back at or time together, it all seems good! Big age difference between us, people thought it wouldn't work, but it has!

[MmBovary]

I think people don't talk too much about how happy they are here or in general is because I believe "happiness writes white". People who are genuinely happy with life, their relationships, work etc don't have the need to be talking about it all the time. It just shows in their attitudes, behaviour, and the way they treat other people.

I am generally happy in my relationship with my DH, have two DC, who adore him. But we also have bad days and it's nice to know that other strong couples, who are very happy together, have their hurdles in life too. That's what makes you human.

I have a close friend who seems extremely happy with her husband, who she met on the Internet. When you talk to her or look at her Facebook pages, it's all about ME, ME, ME. When you call her, she just talks about her with very little interest in anybody else. Is that what being deeply happy makes of people?

[CheerfulYank]

I am. I love DH. He's hilarious and kind and shy in a sweet way. And he's quite big and it's made him into a very gentle person; I think he worries he could hurt someone.

And he's amazing in bed, which certainly never hurts. :D

[TooManyBubbles]

I remember working late at the office one night years ago and there was just one other person working late too. While taking a quick coffee break I told her a funny little ancedote about my DH.

She gave me a strange look and said "you really love your husband don't you?" I laughed and said "of course I love him".

She looked me again and said "yes everyone says that but I can tell that you really love him".

I remember that conversation because it reminds me how lucky I am to be so happy with my husband. We've been together a long time and life hasn't always been easy along the way but we still love each other, enjoy each other and are best friends.

When I first joined Mumsnet I was truly appalled at some of the stories posted by other women. I appreciate my funny, kind, intelligent, gorgeous husband even more every day.

[Rowgtfc72]

Very happy with my lot! Been with Dp seven years nearly,getting married in two weeks. We have Dd who is five and amazing. No plans for any more! Been married before, not the best of relationships, so have seen the other side of the coin and it makes me appreciate more what I have now.

[TooManyBubbles]

MmeBovary surely you're not really suggesting that because your friend is selfish/rude/inconsiderate (delete as applicable) that all people happy in their relationships must be the same?

[GotMyLittleLamb]

I am so happy with mine, been with DH 9 years and married for almost one. We have a beautiful 3mo DD who he dotes on and is amazing with.

We have been to hell and back over the last couple of years. FIL and my DM passed away within 6months of each other, burgled twice, DD born at 26 weeks after pre-ecclampsia but I never fail to smile when I'm with him.

He is thoughtful, romantic, gorgeous, intelligent, interesting and fantastic company and I still feel so lucky to be with him. Got a bit soppy there, sorry.

[georgie22]

I'm also happy with my lot. Dh and I have been together for a long time and spent all of our 20s and part of our 30s doing the holidays, going out, having lots of disposable income etc. before we got married and had our dd. I wouldn't say no to a bit more money but we're comfortable and he is happy to work extra hours to help fund my clothing and Waitrose habit. Our dd is gorgeous and it's great to share the funny and cute things she does and watch her growing together. We do argue at times but it's more bickering than full on rows and our dd sees us laughing most of the time Dh is a great dad and does his share of childcare - I work part time which is perfect. I think too many people want what is frankly impossible in life and put unreasonable expectations on their partner as a result. I can be happy with a trip to the park as a family etc. and we try to make sure that we have a nice meal and bottle of wine at home on Saturday nights as we go out much less than we used to. I think perhaps its those with relationship problems who post on here as they need advice rather than those who muddle along fairly happily! Good luck with the baby making!

[Groovee]

Been with dh 15 years. Love him to bits. He really is the love of my life. We have 2 children and are as happy as we can be in a period of unsettled ness due to employment concerns as dh has decided to leave self employment to seek paid employment. It's all a but scary but he's much happier now within himself and we're having fun and great sex.

[YusMilady]

I am very happy with my lot - not just with my partner, but with my lot in life in general. But I guard against complacency. A careful reading of the Relationships board will reveal that giddy happiness with a man does not necessarily preclude grinding misery at a later date.

[MadameChinLegs]

Been with my DH for 9 years, and we have, in the last year, married and had a little baby. We met at 18 and 'dated' for want of a better word, then had a long distance relationship as he moved away for work. I joined him in that job a year later and then we eventually moved back home, moved in together at my parents while we saved to buy our flat. Lovely flat, two little kittens (not so little now) a wedding and a baby have rounded the last nine years off nicely.

I think hanging around the Relationships board can make you think everyone is in crappy relationships and that your man will (if not allready) cheat on you. Well, of course that's what the Board will have you think as no-one's going to post on there about their wonderful DH/DWs...until now! And I am so glad you did.

It's good to know that not only are there good men and women out there, but that they have found each other. Not everyone is married to a twat.

I do feel sometimes if I offer advice or "have you tried this" the posters may think it's smugness....it really isnt. I am in a relationship that works. It may face challenges every now and then, but on the whole, it is great and if people ask for assistance/advice I am happy to share my experience.

Glad to see there are a good chunk of us happy with our lot excepting a lottery win of course

[BoffinMum]

Fabulous husband, loads of fabulous and hugely interesting children, couldn't ask for more, really.

[happybubblebrain]

I'm happy with my lot. Happily single. I think I would be less happy if I was in a relationship. I have some really good friends, an amazing daughter, a job I never mind getting up for on Monday morning, a house I've made exactly as I want, a new kitchen, no debts and enough money to do the things we want - holidays etc, a cat, lots of hobbies. No complaints from me.

[AliveSheCried]

Im really happy too, but dreamt the other night that my husband ran off with another woman - really feeling for anybody in that situation - I was in tears alot yesterday and needed alot of reassurance!! daft, eh.

As a child of divorce, I try hard not to become complacent. Love him so much.

[badtasteflump]

Hi Happy. I would imagine there are loads of MNers out there who are perfectly happy with their relationships, aside from the usual little gripes you mention - but they're never going to post in Relationships because they don't need to.

I've been happily married for donkeys years and we've honestly never had a 'real' argument (my definitition of a real argument is getting angry and shouting in each others faces). Some people I know in RL struggle to believe that, but it's true. The fact is, we just don't rub each other up the wrong way enough to need to resort to shouting. Some people I know also come back with 'well if you don't argue, then your relationship is dull and lacks passion'. That's just not true .

IMO, there are enough people out there in the world that you can find someone you fancy, fall in love with and also share beliefs/aspirations/opinions with enough that you like them as friends too.

Now I've said all this I'm thinking how smug married I sound - but you did ask

[badtasteflump]

I can spell 'definition' - honestly

[McKayz]

I am extremely happy. We've only been together 2 years and have been married for 1 month and 2 days. I don't think I have ever felt so happy in my life.

I made some bad choices when I married XH. He gave me 2 beautiful boys who are amazing but I don't feel like I ever felt the way I do now.

DH is super with the boys, they absolutely adore him. We are expecting our first child together in just over 6 weeks and I know that he will treat all of the DCs exactly the same.

I honestly feel like nothing in the world could make me happier than I am now. Other than a lottery win maybe!!

[bakingaddict]

I've been with DH for 13yrs, married for 8.

We have 2 beautiful kids, dont have any money worries and like badtaste have never had a real arguement. DH is very laidback, i'm a bit more of a worrier but I think we just 'get' each other so dont do things that would massively piss each other off. Maybe the passion side has receded a bit, very rarely is there a night were we dont have at least one of the kids in our bed (4yrs and 11months) and occasionally all of us in the bed.

My only wish sometimes is for 8hours of uninterrupted sleep so i'm less of a zombie at work but apart from that i'm very happy

[Libidoagogo]

I have been with DH for 13 years, married for 9 (nearly). There was some opposition to our relationship for the first year as I am 4 years older than him, not much but he was 18 and I was 22 when we got together. My family didn't approve at all. They slowly began to realise that he was possibly the most mature 18 year old they'd ever met and he was actually a calming influence on me and we are pretty good together. We have 3 young DCs and are talking about a 4th.... Yes we argue at times and no it isn't perfect but when I see DH with the kids my heart feels as if it will burst. I'm so proud of the man he is and I feel very lucky to have him and our beautiful noisy kids.

[mythical]

I'm happy with my DH, we met online nearly 5 years ago, had a long distance relationship for a few months then moved in together.
It seemed absolutely mad at the time and a huge risk as i lived 3000 miles away and i quit university to move in with him to a different country with no friends or family (or job!)
Thankfully it all worked out for us, I mean sure, we have our ups and downs but most couples do, don't they?
Currently overdue pregnant with our first and both stupidly excited :)


I agree with the poster saying you don't usually see threads about how happy people are because, well, it's a forum, people usually come here to ask for advice when things aren't working out, it doesn't mean people aren't happy.