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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does your oh make remarks about your weight?

37 replies

LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:11

My cousin has just introduce me to her fiancé. They are staying here and since last night he has made two separate remarks about her weight. That's she's too big to fit past a chair in our kitchen and that she shouldnt sit on toddler chair because she break it. He seems to find it really funny. She is sensitive about her weight and trying to lose weight.

Would you be ok with this if you were her? Both times has been in front of a group of family members. She put on weight due to depression at losing a loved one. She laughs the comments off but I feel like telling her to tell him to button it!

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MagsAloof · 15/04/2012 19:14

Never. I was a size 10 when I met him. Went up to a 20 after DC1 born, then averaged out at a 14-16 for a good five years, now a 12-14 with wobbly bits. DH has never, ever made me fee anything less than gorgeous and desirable and has never ever commented on my weight, shape or body unless in simple, complimentary terms (phwooooar, yore gorgeous' etc )

In my opinion, this is abusive and cruel behaviour. What sort of man makes themselves feel bigger and better by putting his nearest and dearest down for his own amusement in public? Low.

javotte · 15/04/2012 19:17

Never. I have an eating disorder and fluctuate between a size 12 and a size 22. My husband never comments on my weight, because he knows how much it would hurt me. That's what a loving person does.

TeeBee · 15/04/2012 19:19

No, he values his testicles.

susiedaisy · 15/04/2012 19:20

He sounds like he enjoys belittling her and that's not good!

themildmanneredjanitor · 15/04/2012 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglybeezer · 15/04/2012 19:22

No, but I make remarks about his .

LaurieFairyCake · 15/04/2012 19:24

Yes, he does. His standard response to anything I say that is even a tiny big negative is: "you're stunningly sexy, can I kiss you".

AWomanCalledHorse · 15/04/2012 19:24

Yes...and I make remarks about his. Both jokingly (when walking past the tv 'Yo so fat I've just missed the entire programme) & seriously (we're both heaiver than we'd like atm).
I have a history of eating disorders but I'm not sensitive about other peoples opinions of me.

If she's really comfortable with it, I'd let it be.

LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:24

She's usually quite forthright, so I guess it concerns me that she's chisent to laugh it off, either due to embarrassment and low self esteem or because she's put him on a pedestal. I've gone right off him. If I mention it to her, I don't think she will thank me.

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:26

Chosen not chisent. I don't think she is comfortable with it...

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TooEasilyTempted · 15/04/2012 19:26

As you've only just met this fiance and you have absolutely no idea about the type of banter they have, you should probably keep out of it.

gafhyb · 15/04/2012 19:28

This is a bad sign. Git.

LisaD1 · 15/04/2012 19:29

Never. My DH is slim and fit, I no longer am either and am currently trying to shed a LOT of weight which I have gained during the last 5 years. He has never made a negative comment and I would be very hurt if he did.

His mother on the other hand....

LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:29

I am going to keep out of it... For someone keen to impress the family, it's not very impressive though and I know her mum and grandad are going to ask me what I think of him... Oh well, just have to bite my lip and hope she fights her own battles.

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:31

That's the thing about young love though, you don't have any real idea of boundaries and what you can live with and what you can't and sometimes the fact you have a choice.

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:32

By the way she's a 14 so not big.

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inatrance · 15/04/2012 19:32

My mums boyfriend did that, also joking about how old and fat she was! I've still not properly forgiven him, but he doesn't do it in front of me anymore, since I told my mum that the next time he did it he would get a mouthful off me! Cheeky get, he's no oil painting either!

Puffykins · 15/04/2012 19:34

Often. In a jokey sort of way. Weight is weight, I'd rather he noticed when I'm a bit plump (I.e. When I spent three months sitting on the sofa, breastfeeding and eating chocolate hobnobs and double deckers) than not, because equally he notices and comments when I've lost the weight again. In my case I'm quite matter of fact about it - and you say your cousin is generally quite forthright - so maybe it doesn't bother her. Why call a spade a shovel?

LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:34

It wasn't banter, Both comments were directed at family members by way of a joke... Banter implies an equal exchange between them.

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scentednappyhag · 15/04/2012 19:34

Not about my weight per se, but does question whether I'll 'bother having dinner tonight', which makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes.
But what you're describing sounds pretty mean to be honest.

LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:35

If it didn't bother her, I feel she would have come back with a retort...

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akaemmafrost · 15/04/2012 19:35

He used to in rows, I was size 12 but had struggled with my weight previously, he is my ex now though.

I have to say that I would have said something to him if that was MY cousin he made those comments about. I have a policy of zero tolerance when it comes to things like that involving my family and friends.

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:36

When I say laughed it off, more of a smile through it...

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:36

Anyway, no point in discussing it further as I'm not going to say anything. Just wondered what others would have felt.

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LapOfTheGods · 15/04/2012 19:38

I just ignored it and started a converstion with her about something else, but he kept going with the joke... I think he thought I would find it funny...the previous comment he made to her grandad and he said leave her alone in a light hearted way.

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