the magincally disappearing condom box

[CookieMonstersCousin]

So, how would you react if the old box of condoms that normally lives at the bottom of your Dh/Dp's sock drawer suddenly disappears and your DP/DH has just gone away for a 2 week work trip to where you guys used to live. And how would you react when over the past couple of months you felt that something wasn't quite right but couldn't put your finger on it (ie DP/DH becoming very ameniable and cooperative) and when you examind the condom box for evidence, felt that the numbers were dwindling but just couldn't be sure, cause you forgot how many had been in there previously so tried to be positive and not think about him having an affair.

How would you challenge DP/DH? And is it even fair or be thinking along these lines or is pre-empting a silly and plausible explaination (like DP/DH just HAD to tidy up the condoms but sod the rest of the drawer??)

Any thoughts, or opinions would be greatly appreciated as I have made this discovery tonight and don't want to have a complete meltdown before weighing any opinions and options.

Also, I will try to respond to any questions but my DD is ill at the moment and so is up and down like a yoyo, so Imay not be able to respond as quick as I'd like. !!!

many thanks

[GypsyMoth]

Any curious dc? Teens?

[thisisyesterday]

do you have teenage kids?

[AttillaTheMum]

If i was you id ask outright. otherwise you are just going to dwell on it. Unless there are curious DC about i cant see there is an explanation

[Hassled]

What came first - the dwindling condoms or the feeling something wasn't right?

Is the fact he's gone where you used to live relevant - is there someone in particular there you're thinking of - a specific threat?

I'm sorry - this is shit for you. But don't put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5, at least not just yet.

[TiredOfGoingRoundInCircles]

Actually, my first thought was that if he's intending to do what you think he's going to do, he's not very bright! Surely he would realise that you would notice they'd gone? Wouldn't it be simpler for him to buy some more while he's away?
Are you sure he hasn't just moved it somewhere else?

[CookieMonstersCousin]

Nope our DD is only 2.5 and she's our only child and wouldn't be able to open the drawer.

As for him moving the condoms elswhere, this has crossed my mind and I've had a look around the bedroom but couldn't find them. I should have added that the box of condoms had been stuffed down a large sock for months and months and now this sock is gone (with said condoms) but it's match is still lying in the drawer as it normally would be. I'm not even sure if he would have realised that I knew about the condoms in the sock as its been so long since we've needed to use condoms and he seems to think the fairies bring him clean socks.

[confidence]

Perhaps the work trip involves some balloon modelling?

[TiredOfGoingRoundInCircles]

odear, out of date condoms :-S

[buzzskeleton]

People are often not very bright when it comes to cheating. Especially if, as the OP seems to think, it's been going on a while and they think they've got away with it so far.

Sorry OP, I can't think of a good reason those condoms have gone.

Hope confidence made you smile.

[CookieMonstersCousin]

Confidence- ha ha:)

Tired- now I had checked the expiry date a couple of weeks ago as I wanted some reassurance, they're good til 2012.

Maybe I will just have to wait til he gets back and then ask him outright???

[thisisyesterday]

he could just want a nice clean wank while he's away

[Charbon]

I'd say that it's rare to get these instincts for absolutely no reason and combined with the evidence you've posted, would conclude that he is having an affair.

If you don't use condoms and you've been checking that box and it always looks like there are fewer there, then that means you've had suspicions for quite a while. I'm surprised you haven't combined the drawer search with other more reliable methods of snooping, but maybe you'll now tell us that his phone goes everywhere with him and is password locked.

How does he pay those phone bills? Any chance you can register him for online billing, or get into his online account if he's already registered?

There's obviously some significance too about him "working" in your former home town, so do you have a likely suspect in mind?

[Hassled]

Asking him outright depends on how good a liar you know him to be. Because there'll always be some bollocks he can come up with - unless he's one of those people who cracks under the slightest pressure.

Mobile phone records? Credit card bills? Have you done all that stuff?

[CookieMonstersCousin]

Charbon- yes he lives on his phone, constantly checking his messages and emails to the point of disstraction but as he has his own business and most of his work is computer based, I have tried to put it down to this. I've tried snooping on his phone but am not confident in using it without him finding out and when I did this in the past (a long time ago) he was v upset for me doing this and 'intruding' on what he views as his private property.

I've tried looking at bank statements, credit card statements, etc but no eivdence again though as he has his own business most of his banking is though the books and doesn't come into the house.

As for him working in our former town, where we currently live is only a temporary thing and again his business is located back home so he goes there at least once a week, this time he's gone for 2 weeks which includes an overseas business trip.

He has lots of opportunities to have an affair, I rarely go with him due to my own work committments and he has many friends who would provide alibis.

I don't really have any hard evidence of him having an affair apart from these condoms.

[Charbon]

What about the phone bills? He must keep this for the business. Where are they filed?

[CookieMonstersCousin]

I've never seen his phone bills as they go to his main office, even my phone bills are linked to his phone contract so therefore go to his main office. He also guards his email and computer log-in religiously and changes them very often.

I could try to snoop on his phone when he comes back and then if found out, confront him about the condoms.

[buzzskeleton]

I think you have to work out what you believe and what you want before you confront him.

If challenged, he'll probably come up with something plausible - and it could even be true... The question is, will you genuinely believe it, accept it cos you can't prove otherwise or will you continue to have doubt about it?

[Charbon]

Can you go to his main office while he's overseas then and find the bills? You could also look for evidence of this "work trip" at the same time and see if it really is business.

Don't confront until you've got more evidence would be my advice.

[Rowtheboatashore]

I think that your instincts that something is wrong are possibly as important as the case of the missing condoms itself. You do seem to be uncomfortable about your DH going to the place where you used to live so I wonder if there's someone there that you're particularly worried about. Also, you seem to have been keeping track of the condoms before they went missing. It's a shame you didn't count them so that you could be more certain about their dwindling numbers. Even if your DH does have condoms with him doesn't necessarily mean that he's had sex with anyone. He might be hoping to get lucky or be involved in some kind of prank with other guys? Doesn't look great in terms of intentions but I don't think you should jump straight to the conclusion that he's doing/done the act. Maybe try to phone him while he's away, find out what he's up to, and remind him that you're around. I'd probably ask him about the condoms or about the "other sock" when he gets back. He's bound to have some story to account for it or will quickly make one up - if it's mundane and believable it might be true (ie I've put that sock in my jumper drawer instead, something like that) and you can ask for proof. If it involves a convoluted story, anything unbelievable or if he gets het up about it or looks relieved when you change the subject, then he's got something to hide. I think you should be looking for other clues though, as others have suggested, cos you're generally worried something's wrong.

[ShriekingLisa]

It doesnt sound good. I would more than likely speak to him when you next speak and ask him if he had made sure he got everything he needed, wash stuff, deodorants, clean boxers, clean socks, condoms, toothbrush, hairbrush....see what he says.

DH says He might like a posh wank every now and then

or he is a cheating bastard.

[nicky24]

Maybe he's picked the sock up thinking it was a pair and packed them by accident?

[kitya]

I dont understand why he would take his stash with him thoiugh? you can buy them anywhere for a couple of quid.

[solidgoldbrass]

Some blokes do like to have a posh wank, particularly if staying in a hotel or something and not wanting to contemplate the hotel staff smirking at the sticky sheets.

[Charbon]

Lots of blokes are tightwads.

Even more are stupid and think they won't get caught.

Only blokes suggest posh-wanks, but no-one actually knows anyone who does it.