I couldn't think where else to put this thread. I need some advice about how to handle this before I reach the point of no return with this friendship.
I have known my friend for about ten years. We went through a period of no contact for a number of years, not for any particular reason, we just didn't really stay in touch. There were no personal insults, no drama of any kind, we just weren't in contact. Over the past two years, since the birth of my friend's DS, we have been in close contact. I am the only one of her friends who also has children and this has been a defining factor in us being close again.
The problem is, my friend has become massively clingy and needy with me. I pride myself on being patient and loyal with my friends, but I am coming to the very end of my tether with this friend. She really does ask too much of me, in a lot of ways. She will often want to see me a few times a week, and I simply don't have the time to see her that often. I have other friends, I have two DCs and I have DP. Sometimes, having my friend is like having another full time relationship, she expects that much from me. When we do spend time together, much of it is spent with me diffusing some crisis or another with her (never big things, btw), so I don't really feel that either of us gets to enjoy each others company. She has very little patience with her DS, so I get left with much of the care of him when we are together. She will swear at him or at something he's done, and she generally gets angry and upset very easily.
I am aware that depression of some kind does pay a significant part in how she is.
The latest problem I have had with her is that she is extremely jealous that I spend time with a mutual friend when she doesn't. She is jealous of me and this friend, that we see each other without her being present. I don't like having to lie about when I see our friend, but I can't handle the guilt trips or the dramatic scenes that occur when she is not invited along to lunches etc, so we both have to lie about it. Whenever she does come along, the whole thing is about her, how terrible her life is, how crap everything is for her, how no one ever helps her (absolute bullshit, btw), etc. She drains every bit of energy from you.
Is there any way I can salvage this friendship? I feel like I'm going through the motions with her because I feel bad for her DS that he doesn't have contact with children other than mine, and she does rely on me to be there for her to talk to about her problems. But I don't feel like it's a real friendship, more like a relationship in its death throes. Despite this, my friend has a really big heart and I don't think she has any real concept of how utterly exhausting it is to be around her.
I know I must sound completely heartless, and that this is a really epic post, but I just need some advice. I would like to keep this friendship going, but I need to know if there is a decent way of 'managing' my friend when she becomes so draining.
TIA.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I have a very needy and jealous friend and I'm losing my patience rapidly.
TidyDancer · 17/09/2011 21:06
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.