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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is he trying to phase me out?

32 replies

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 07:49

Been seeing someone since March. It was ok at first but recently has become rather strained, we hardly ever see each other and when we do it's basically just him nagging for sex and me looking for excuses because sometimes I just want to talk (god forbid).
Anyway at first he used to text me every morning to say good morning, every night to say goodnight and during the day. It then dwindled down to just during the day. This Tuesday he didn't contact me at all. Nothing from him all day. Same thing happened yesterday, nothing at all from him all day.

The thing is, I'm fine with this because it obviously isn't working out anyway and I've been wanting to phase things out for a while anyway. The reason I havn't ended it properly is that we have both paid to see a show in November, something that we've both always wanted to see and something that we're both unlikely to get the chance to see ever again. I know it sounds shallow and materialistic but I didn't want to end it until after the show. I'm not starting to think he's thinking along the same lines??

What do you reckon? does it sound like he's trying to phase me out slowly?

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HairyGrotter · 09/09/2011 07:54

Sounds like the sort of thing I do . Would appear both of you are on the same page in respect of keeping things going till November (I'm laughing because I did the EXACT same thing for a gig in August lol).

Can you both end it but on good terms and still attend the event? Seems a little fruitless to drag it out further.

ZZZenAgain · 09/09/2011 07:56

you can't end it if both are trying to phase it out anyway and still go to the show ?

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 07:58

Hairy There is no love between us, it's obvious but I feel like we're both constantly pretending. If it was feasible I would buy a couple of extra tickets, suggest he go with a mate and I'd do the same but the show is a sell out, the tickets are going for 100s on ebay.

I have thought about suggesting we just go as friends but he seems to get all defensive and upset which is confusing because I KNOW he doesn't love me, it's bloody obvious lol. I think to be honest he's hoping to keep it going until November because he wants to make of sex before it ends?! but I'm a cynic lol

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LionPoo · 09/09/2011 07:59

Sorry ZZZ, crossed post

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HairyGrotter · 09/09/2011 08:02

I'd reiterate to him that it's over and that you are happy to attend the show as friends (want to know what show is now lol), if he has a problem with it, then that's what it is, his problem.

I wouldn't bother continuing the 'act' as you know it'll end up being horrible. UNLESS your happy to have sex and just keep it at that till November, my perfect senario ;) Sex and no commitment ha

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 08:05

Are you a male Hairy?

The show is a goth metal band, don't want to name them incase he does a search and is directed here! lol

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HairyGrotter · 09/09/2011 08:15

I'm female, but sometimes worry myself with how my mind works

I went to the SBE Deftones Gig in August with a guy I kept hanging on because I needed his company lol

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 09:47

Sorry, just the "sex without commitment" thing sounded rather male

But yes, the same situation for me. I need his company for this one event, I'm hoping he's thinking the same about me too lol

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ChitChattingaway · 09/09/2011 09:53

Who physically has the tickets? You don't need him to go with you, you can go alone and if he's sitting next to you then so be it!!!

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 09:56

He has the tickets. Funnily enough he specifically asked for them both a couple of weeks ago. I never thought anything of it id probably lose them but thinking back, he's probably considered the fact that I might go without him if I have the tickets. He knows the score, doesn't he? it's obvious.

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LionPoo · 09/09/2011 09:58

oh and another thing, he's recently started dropping hints that the weekends we currently see each other, he may have to start working a few of them. He's setting foundations down for less contact IMO.

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mo3d · 09/09/2011 10:03

Go to his place, make an excuse to look at the tickets and only give his ticket back, whilst telling him that you've had enough.

Then walk out saying 'see you in November!'

ProfYaffle · 09/09/2011 10:04

I did that once Chitchat, sat through a concert with my stony faced xbf next to me. He'd been cheating on me, it was an Alanis Morrisette gig, "You Oughta Know" was interesting

RudeEnglishLady · 09/09/2011 11:07

You can't have sex with someone you don't like for 2 months just so you don't have to go and see Sisters of Mercy or whoever on your own

Just give him his ticket back and go on your own - don't even go as friends because the concert will be no doubt full of men and a good opportunity to meet someone nice who shares your interest in goth music.

mo3d · 09/09/2011 11:31

I agree, def go on your own. When I put 'see you in November', I only meant cause he'd be sitting next to you!

solidgoldbrass · 09/09/2011 11:48

Just say to him, nicely, that you don't think the relationship is working out, that you want your ticket back, you'll see him at the gig and you wish him well.
Who paid for the tickets, though? If you paid for yours then obviously he has to give it to you, if he paid for both tickets then you need to start by offering to buy yours off him - and unfortunately if he says he doesn't want to sell it to you because he wants to flog it on ebay/take someone else with him, then there won't be a lot you can do about it.

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 12:22

Thankfully I bought my own ticket. But he wanted both perhaps he's going to hold them to ransom. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he's twigged on to the fact that things are coming to a natural end and so he's holding on to the ticket as it's his only bargaining tool lol

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mo3d · 09/09/2011 12:28

I'd be more worried, as he's mentioned he's busy on the weekends you usually meet up, that he's really thinking of finishing it, and also thinking of selling your ticket! Get your ticket back ASAP!

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 12:30

Must admit, that did cross my mind mo3d

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mo3d · 09/09/2011 12:31

Can you go to his and get it back?

IQuiteLikeVodka · 09/09/2011 12:33

Lee Evans??

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 12:34

Well he's supposed to be coming to my house tomorrow, not heard from him all day today again however. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow I'll go and pick it up. What's the betting he mysteriously "misplaces" it whilst I'm there!

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mo3d · 09/09/2011 12:38

That's what I thought! You'll have to make a scene so he 'finds' it just to get rid of you .

Good luck!

HairyGrotter · 09/09/2011 12:57

I'd go ape shit if he didn't give me my ticket back! Get it back and piss him off!

LionPoo · 09/09/2011 13:44

Hmm well he's just text with the compulsory "hi how are you today?"

Don't know if I can be arsed to keep this up until November to be honest.

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