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any advice on how to help a man cope with getting older?

(44 Posts)
slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:04:23

hi- my partner is 14 years older than me- in his mid 40s- and has that eternal peter pan lifestyle- in my eyes he's getting sexier the older he gets but he doesn't feel that way! any gems of advice for how i can help him cope with getting older? as a musician he's working in an environment where people are younger and younger- even i feel old at 30 when dancing in the clubs to his sets... he had an "accident" at a party last christmas and i am worried about how he is going to take getting nearer 50... i don't want to go through that again... any tips gratefully taken!

SingingTunelessly Tue 26-Jul-11 19:06:52

What do you mean he had an "accident" at a party? How do you know he isn't coping with getting older?

lawnimp Tue 26-Jul-11 19:07:51

also wondering what 'accident' he had

Butterbur Tue 26-Jul-11 19:12:26

Do you mean he accidently shagged someone?

catinboots Tue 26-Jul-11 19:13:00

My DP is 13 years older than me. I'm not concerned with how he feels about getting older. Am more concerned with my realisation that I will have to put an 83 year old cock on my mouth at the tender age of 70 grin

Seriously, make light of the situation and keep reminding him how lucky he is. After all, he's pulled a youngun wink That's got to make up for him being a smidgey nit older than you smile

catinboots Tue 26-Jul-11 19:13:48

Can't type. IPhone and fat fingers

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:14:52

yes i thought people would wonder about that! too much drink and young pretty girls- coupled with my broken parts left over from our baby.

whilst i feel that's totally dealt with now (counselling etc...) i worry that the underlying problem (he doesn't want to be an old man) wont go away so easily. maybe he is coping?

i suppose its normal for anyone not to want to get old... he just talks about it a lot and tells me it upsets him that hes getting old... and he and i both worry how he'll cope being a dj when hes 50... he's very proud of his looks and doesn't want them to fade- in his eyes he's becoming an unattractive old man, but like i say, i find him sexier and sexier! is it enough for me to just tell him this? and make sure the couple is sexy? or are there other things i could say/do?

HairyGrotter Tue 26-Jul-11 19:17:12

I need to know about this 'accident'...did he shit himself or piss himself, or accidently impale an innocent party attendee with his meat sword?

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:18:12

i'd never quite thought that far ahead catinboots! made me laugh out loud!

RabbitPie Tue 26-Jul-11 19:18:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

catinboots Tue 26-Jul-11 19:19:30

My dp is a dj too!

He probably feels old because he has a younger woman.

Nothing a good ego-massage can't fix.

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:25:39

er accident- too much drink was consumed for a functioning sword but certainly a wandering tounge. we're through that now though-in many ways it brought us much closer together- we had grown apart with a lot of external stresses going on in our life that i wont go into. i only mention it because, like all women who've gone through that, i have that tiny niggle what if he gets so wound up again about things (like getting older) that he makes a stupid mistake again- involving women or something different but equally destructive...

Chandon Tue 26-Jul-11 19:27:46

God you are forgiving...

and kind

and indulgent

nice for him I guess

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:32:18

its just that as women we seem to be much better at talking about our problems with others and finding positive role models for ourselves, and befriending them. well at least that's my approach. maybe its because the male friends he has who are his own age are mostly a little fucked up from the punk days of his youth- and the male friends we have through me are all my age... hmm

MumblingRagDoll Tue 26-Jul-11 19:34:07

Bugger helping HIM...he should be helping YOU to trust him again. If he's going there again then he's going there again...no matter how much "help" you give him.

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:34:37

i dont think i would have forgiven before being a mum- but we have a beautiful daughter together so...

msfishneedsabycycle Tue 26-Jul-11 19:34:59

You could just tell him to grow up grin

MumblingRagDoll Tue 26-Jul-11 19:35:23

His friends are his business...preempting problems won't stop them happening...if they're going to.

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:35:33

i think i should have gone with my instincts and just posted "any tips for helping your partner deal with getting older"... oh well!

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:36:29

and he has done a lot to help me trust him again... but thanks for the reminder! :-)

MumblingRagDoll Tue 26-Jul-11 19:37:26

Well it's fine to forgive him...but trying to work out ways in which you can help him "avoid" being unfaithful isn't right....its not fair that you're feelling like this.

MumblingRagDoll Tue 26-Jul-11 19:39:13

Seriously...he's a grown man! If he can't grow older with graceby himself then no amount of "help" will make him do it. What tips do you want?

"Encourage your man to stay fit"

"Help him to keep his elf esteem by flattering him"

It's all 1950s bollocks.

slicerrice Tue 26-Jul-11 19:41:17

i guess that might be the solution. coming back to that old chesnut- communication. i should be talking to HIM about this, rather than searching the internet for some magical solution...

elastamum Tue 26-Jul-11 19:46:35

There isnt a magical solution apart from him growing up sufficiently to accept that he is growing older and that brings with it many positives.

Wisdom being one of them - although not in his case confused BTW, he didnt have an 'accident' unless he tripped up and fell on top of the woman. He did it because he could.

He is the same age as me. Believe me, we are not young and glam any morre and trying to be so just makes us look sad!

Bandwithering Tue 26-Jul-11 20:10:53

So he got drunk and made inappropriate advances to another woman(en) and you are trying to help him through the horrendously traumatic experience of.................... ageing one day at a time at the same rate as the rest of us!?!?

I'd tell him to COP ON. Go out with a woman 14 years older than he is that will make him feel young.

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